Anyone else have BPD? - Page 6

[Mom31]

Right now I am freaking out about my house being a disaster- the kids make such messes I just can't keep up- I had a friend coming in to help me once a week but she is not feeling well- she is disabled and unable to help. I am barking orders at dd now to clean up her own mess or go to bed but I am just getting arguments- and ready to lose it.  I can't handle the chaos...I am not doing well. My mom was going to come but then I felt a little better and she asked if she could just come later in the month- wish I had said no now... anyhow-

To soothe- I lock myself in my room- I stay detached most of the time- I smoke too many ciggerettes- I take a bath sometimes- but mostly I just use avoidance and turtleing...( DBT skill) to deal with anything remotely stressful. I feel like I am at the end of a very frayed rope right now.....

[Mom31]

Please talk to me about your coping skills how you handle stress on a daily basis.... mine are not working for me. I try self talk and basically I just shut down and escape which is not working for me....

I feel like I really need to work on a new skill to be able to function properly.

[Mom31]

Oh and do you take a benzo? I have extreme anxiety and my psychiatrist does not give them to anyone- at all. -  I quit seeing her and going to just get my meds thru my dr so I think I am going to see about getting them from him or going to another psychiatrist.  It's a vicious cycle- I can't go to the dr cause my anxiety is so bad- dr won't give me anything for my anxiety- I feel I was not being properly treated.

What are you feelings about them?

[Gator-mom]

Lets see...daily stress.  As weird as it sounds, when I'm busy, I feel less stressed.  I get more worked up when I have time to think.  Right now I'm in my last semester of nursing school, so my life is just basically jumping from one thing to the next.  I barely sit down to rest and then I just collapse in bed and fall into unconsciousness..lol.  I think routines help, like doing the same every night before bed or in the morning when I get up.  I journal occassionally and use a lot of distraction techniques.  So getting into a good book helps and watching funny movies.  Exercise helps when I have time.  I like cardio stuff, where I can zone out and burn off energy at the same time.

The finger labyrinths I have just googled them and found some free printables.  When I'm in a crisis, I like to trace the lines with a marker.  It gives my hands something to do while my mind can chill out.  

I'm not on any benzo's right now.  I do pretty well with an SSRI or even St. Johns Wort goes a long way with me. I find that maintenance management really minimizes my acute anxiety.  I think that benzo's are helpful to have around for acute anxiety attacks, but they can be very addictive, which is why a lot of prescribers shy away I think.  Something that has helped take the edge off when I had no insurance was Kava root.  I got a tincture and just but a dropper full under my toungue.  Tastes terrible, but it can help me catch a breath sometimes.

I hope that helps a little.  I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.  Maybe sit down and make a list of things you enjoy.  Or think about some affirmations.  I have made positive message bracelets and written things on my mirror, like "gratitude" to help me remeber the positives in my life.  Try to find something that gives you happiness and focus on that as much as you can.  Find a positive outlet for your energy and emotions.  Sometimes a different perspective on life can go a long way.  This Jan, I made a vision board with a lot of messages that lean towards letting anger go and allowing peace into my life.  I put it by my bed and look at it every day.  

((hugs)) Mama

[Mom31]

Well- my boyfriend and I broke up- he is moving to Louisiana and man- this sucks.   it had nothing to do with me- but I am going back on my meds- I feel like the world is crumbling around me.

Its terrible.  I can't function very well and I am tired of life not working well.  I have a friend coming over and helping some- but ugh.

[mi_amor]

Originally Posted by Gator-mom 

To anyone..

Looking back on your life, when do you think some of your "odd" behaviors started?

I am realizing that i had some strange associations with pain early on.  For instance, when I would get a loose tooth, I would push and push on it until it would tear out.  I would go from barely loose to out of my mouth in 24 hours.  I don't think I've ever felt pain the same as other people...

This is interesting. I liked the pain in my mouth when I had braces having braces, and would purposely bite my teeth to make it hurt. The other day I also noticed I keep sticking my fingernail in my gum that is sore because I like the feeling. Maybe I should bring that up with my therapist!

[mi_amor]

Originally Posted by Mom31 

Well- my boyfriend and I broke up- he is moving to Louisiana and man- this sucks.   it had nothing to do with me- but I am going back on my meds- I feel like the world is crumbling around me.

Its terrible.  I can't function very well and I am tired of life not working well.  I have a friend coming over and helping some- but ugh.

I'm sorry you must be going through a difficult time right now. I hope you are feeling well soon, and take things a day at a time.

[mi_amor]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to join this thread too, as I think I may have BPD or something. I have not be diagnosed yet because I was afraid to ask my doctor to see a phychiatrist, but I made an appt for next week.

I was an intense introvert as a child, very moody as a teen and still am. My parents were super strict, I was a perfectionist and still am about some things. I also grew up in a super fundamental religion and believed that reality up until 2 years ago. I realized my whole life had kind of been a lie, and that I don't even know what is true or what isn't anymore.

After I had my first child I had PPD, and after my last child I had crazy anxiety and rage. I would freak out at DH over little things and have a difficult time controlling my anger. We spiraled into a crazy mess and finally went to counseling a few months ago.

Staying home for the past 4 years, I've felt trapped inside my head, and zone out by going on the computer. I feel like I can't be a good Mother and give my children the attention I would like to. I have difficulty functioning, cleaning the house, making meals, etc. my youngest will start preschool in the fall, and I hope I can get him ready and there on time! I functioned way better before I had children, and had a routine.

One of the things that made me wonder if I had BPD is my love/hate relationship with people. Even for family members, I feel like I love them, or I don't, and those feelings swing from one to the other...there is no happy medium. I also fear abandonment and sometimes reject or hurt people before they hurt me. There are very few people I let into my world. During one of our last fights I screamed at DH to get out, and when he started to leave I begged him to stay and felt like I was having an out of body experience which was really weird.

Not sure if any of this might sound like BPD or not, but I just wanted to share. My marriage counselor recommended a book for my called The High Conflict Couple, I think it is DBT. I started doing the exercises, but stopped. My goal is to look into it again.

[Mom31]

just found out that going to school in lousiana is not the only reason he is moving- there is a woman there.  One he has worked with and known for years- they are pretty serious already it seems- pictures on facebook- she drove 9 hours to be with him last weekend and his dd.  She is very cute and trendy and I am heartbroke- how do you handle these things?

[purplerose]

push it waaaay down! lol i am kidding...you just have to hurt and get over it with time. i know it must be ripping out your heart :( i am a tobacco smoker, which helps me deal with things(i don't condone or encourage smoking...just stating a fact). i stopped hurting myself years ago. it was a decision and hard to stick to, but i did it. i am so lucky my best friend is a counselor and my other best friend majored in psych.