Whining, OMG! the whining

[425lisamarie]

Whhhyyyyyyyy is it like the absolute most awful awful sound on the planet? I just cringe lately at DS, who will soon be 5 and has taken up whining as a full time job. He's always been more whiny but now he's damn good at it. Usually it's to want sympathy for something, so of course I just hug him and do the "there there poor baby" type of thing, but I want to die when I hear this.

He's a very sensitive kid and I don't want to lose it but I swear I will one of these days

Anyone have a kid that literally whines at least 50% of his life?

[limabean]

The most effective thing I've found for whining is to carry on with whatever I'm doing, only glancing up to matter-of-factly say, "Sorry honey, I don't listen to whining. Let me know when you're ready to say it in a regular voice."

I like the "don't listen to" phrasing better than the "I can't understand you" or "it hurts my ears" phrasing you often hear, because for me those things aren't true, but it is true that I won't listen to it!

[tinuviel_k]

It seems like 5 years old is the age to try whining to get results. I don't think whining has worked with my daughter ever, but she is still trying it out right now. I think she sees it working for her friends, LOL! Luckily after I call her on it she usually goes back to her normal demeanor. Here are several of my whiny responses:

"Honey, I will not have a conversation with you while you are using a whining voice. Please talk to me in your regular voice. (This almost always results in an abrupt and cheerful shift back to her "regular" voice.)

"You are whining to me while asking for a hot chocolate again. We talked about this yesterday. I do not give special treats or goodies or toys if anyone pesters me for them or whines to get them. You can try again another time in your regular voice. Sometimes I may say yes, sometimes I may say no. But whining is a SURE way to get me to say no!"

"You know that when you says "pleeeeeease" over and over again I am just going to keep saying no. If I say no to something I do not like it when you keep asking me again. I am finished talking about this (whatever she is whining for). We can discuss how you are feeling right now, but we are not going to talk about (whatever the item or activity is) anymore."

[mommajb]

It just makes me want to scream!! I try to say I won't listen or it hurts my ears but sometimes I just want it to stop and I take a path of less resistance. I know it isn't doing me any good in the long run.

[carfreemama]

My kid has always whined instead of tantruming. I've had friends complain about their kids who tantrum and sometimes I tell them I would trade places in a heartbeat. At least tantrums happen and then they're OVER. I have found some of the things tinuviel_k suggested to be helpful. Dd just turned 5 and it's MUCH better now. I DID try to listen to the whining, because I knew she was trying to communicate with me through it, no matter how annoying it was. I talked to her a lot about the actual whining and tried to get her to identify exactly what was bothering her. Eventually, she was able to tell me some of her triggers, two of which were frustration and lack of choices. I taught her to say "I'd like to have a choice," which is a phrase I heard from another MDC mom. I can almost always give a choice. This kind of dialogue has helped a lot. I have made sure I don't "give in to whining" directly; but I found if I refused to listen, it just frustrated her more. Unfortunately, I have many times HAD to stop listening, because I just COULDN'T STAND IT.

[mamasee]

A friend suggested this...
He was in a store and overheard a kid whining and made a point to tell his daughter "did you know that's what you sound like when you whine?". She was shocked and didn't really know that she sounded like that.

I will sometimes whine back to my dd when it bugs me to point out to her how irritating it sounds. It usually makes her stop in her tracks. She still does it, but that is usually the most effective way to get her to really stop if I am losing my patience with responding nicely to her.