Full-on temper tantrum in a 6 year old?!

[mommahhh]

My DD definitely outgrew her earlier versions of tantrums, but lately she is becoming more difficult. Today she threw a full out temper tantrum in a store. It was awful. She didn't act this bad at 4!

We went to a store and I told her she could get one item. She chose 3. Of course I said no and offered to help her choose 1. She threw them to the floor and was very rude. I said in that case, you aren't getting anything. That's when it went downhill.

She started to cry. Loud. Then when she saw I was serious, she threw herself on the floor! I had to physically pick the child up off the floor and carry her out, while she was (very) loudly crying and pulling my hair!! She was just awful and pretty much out of control. The kid is 43 lbs...it is not easy to control her while she's flailing around. Then she screamed and cried in the car (while I drove around because I wasn't going to drag her out of the car at home in front of my new neighbors) for over half an hour.

How awful. It all started so nice and we were going to have a nice visit with someone over tea (she loves this). Of course we couldn't go so we had to miss it. I have no idea what is wrong with her. Honestly I don't, and she doesn't even seem to "get" why this is unacceptable. She almost never acts THIS bad, but she is bratty and mouthy a bit too often. I feel helpless.

This just doesn't seem age appropriate. I am not around a lot of 6 year olds, so I'm not sure. I am so scared she is developing behavioral issues.

I should add, I told her we are not going back to that store for a very, very long time and I took away something she has been really looking forward to doing over March Break. I hate this...I just want a nice happy family.

[Materfamilias]

This sounds dorky, but have you tried talking with her about why she got so upset? It sounds like there is more going on than just not getting the 3 things.
Also, I tend to go nuclear (as my DH calls it) when something like this happens and lose sight of the logical consequence thing and make consequences that have nothing to do with the infraction, more to get some kind of visible reaction. You told her that her behavior would result in not going back to that store; do you need to deny her this thing in March too? Is it related? Just a thought.

[OakBerry]

My ds is 6.5.
He had a few tantrums as a toddler, but generally wasn't prone to them.
When he turned 6, he started throwing big, loud, dramatic tantrums!
I think at this age they are more emotional and for him, he bottles it up until it explodes. He hates talking about his feelings, won't admit that he's sad, mad etc. So I'm sure it all just builds up until it has to blow.
He is also testing me constantly, and pushing the envelope, to see how far he can go, and what I will do.

I think you handled the store incident well, that is what I would have done.

I talk him about rules, that I mean what I say (one item instead of 3 etc). I sympathize with him, that it's hard when you want something and can't have it, but I also emphasize how dramatically over reacting will be it's own negative consequence. In your dd's case, she didn't get any items at the store (even though you said 1, and she wanted 3), and you didn't get to go to the tea either.

I try to help him identify and express his emotions in a more productive way, but it's hard for my ds. I think it's sinking in slowly though.

[mamazee]

My dd hasn't had one for several months but she did still occasionally get them at that age. Not very often. And I'd sometimes realize after the fact that she had gotten to bed late the night before or something, or we'd find that she was actually coming down with an illness. But not every single time. Anyway, it's still normal. Adults have tantrums too, honestly, they just look a little different.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

DSD is 6, and she still throws tantrums. Has for years. She is in tears daily about not getting her way about something, be it a certain fork for dinner or not wanting to brush her teeth.

However, I don't necessarily think that it is normal developmentally. I've asked around at my moms' group and received some pretty wide-eyed stares that she is still doing it and in 1st grade.

If this is a one-time incident, than I wouldn't worry about it all that much - maybe she is stressed about something at school or something like that. If it starts happening more, then I would try to get to the bottom of it. I think that you handled it well, though. If it was just one of those one-time things, it sounds like you made it pretty clear that it is unacceptable.

[DaughterOfKali]

Ds is 6 and has some huge tantrums. From what I've read, this is the age where they experience some changes in their brain. They tend to feel overloaded/overwhelmed easily which can lead to tantrums.