I'm deploying to Iraq and need advice - Page 2

[momma4fun]

couldn't read and not post.

this must be so painful for you, and it's certainly a different situation than if dad was the one to go away.

i hope you can remember that it's awesome you BF him for as long as you did. that's AMAZING and so, so much better than MOST american children get.

i also hope you can keep in mind that you are supporting him, and yourself and your husband by doing this (let alone the country). mothers have to make important dramatic decisions. you are making a better life for your family by doing this.

may i suggest you look into local sources of raw organic cow's or goat's milk to replace the breastmilk? if you step over to the traditional foods forum, you'd find out that a lot of mamas are choosing fresh milk as a living substitute for mother's milk, with many of the same special health benefits like live cultures......

[christifav]

Great suggestions already. All i can add is that shutterfly has pillowcases for sale. I took pics individually of me with my son and me with my daughter and ordered pillowcases of those pics before i deployed. They loved them.

i also had my 3-yr old daughter X out the days on the calendar until we would be together again. your LO may be too young for that yet, though.

Thank you for your service. It is a tough time to be a parent in the military.

[OkiMom]

Its so hard facing deployments. I deployed before I was married (had no children either) and my husband is gone for short periods of time several times throughout the year.

If you want, you could get one of those portable tape recorders and record messages to your son and husband. That way he could hear your voice.
Take lots of pictures of the two of you and make a book out of it. He can look at the pictures.
Have your DH dress him in one of your shirts for bed. DD loves wearing DH's shirts when he is gone.

[ians_mommy]

Originally Posted by momma4fun

couldn't read and not post.

this must be so painful for you, and it's certainly a different situation than if dad was the one to go away.

i hope you can remember that it's awesome you BF him for as long as you did. that's AMAZING and so, so much better than MOST american children get.

i also hope you can keep in mind that you are supporting him, and yourself and your husband by doing this (let alone the country). mothers have to make important dramatic decisions. you are making a better life for your family by doing this.

may i suggest you look into local sources of raw organic cow's or goat's milk to replace the breastmilk? if you step over to the traditional foods forum, you'd find out that a lot of mamas are choosing fresh milk as a living substitute for mother's milk, with many of the same special health benefits like live cultures......

That is a nice idea...I certainly will. Thank you for the words of comfort.

[ians_mommy]

I am making note of all of the wondersul ideas presented...they are all fantastic and I will try to incorporate every one.

I spoke with the midwife who was on the same tasking last year and she said communication was pretty good while she was there- able to talk on the phone and Skpe daily.

Thanks again to everyone who posted. This wont be easy, but it is my duty and the Army has done alot for nuclear family, so it is time for me to do something for my Army family.

[soso-lynn]

I have no experience with this, but it seems to me that officially weaning might not be necessary. I would probably focus more on creating other routines and comfort objects or situations.

I don't think that a child sees his mother and nursing as two separate losses if she is gone and I think that trying to wean at that age can be very stressful for everyone involved, especially for the child who will not understand why.

Perhaps you can introduce something that will remain after you are gone to your nursing routine such as doing it in a special place where he could go when he misses you or with a special blanket that can become a comfort object or involving your DH (ie you nurse in bed with DH on the other side as a family activity) so that cuddly time with DH can continue and "replace" nursing while you are gone.

I do think that spending the next few months as normally as possible (while making adjustments in preparation of course) is the best way to make it less traumatic. The idea of you nursing him at the airport before you go seems like a great way to let him know that you are not abandonning him.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

In summer 2006 I left my family for 6 weeks to do charity work in another state. I took my oldest (then 9) with me, but the other five remained in Oklahoma with my partners. It was much harder on my 6yos than it was on my 2yos. According to my partners, after a few days the 2yos stopped asking about me and just kind of went on with their lives. The 6yos sent me about five e-mails everyday and always wanted to talk to me on the phone.

As for me, I missed my family to some degree, but I was so incredibly busy there wasn't a whole lot of time to think about them. I knew I was doing the right thing.

It helped a lot that my kids were all extremely bonded with my partners. Certainly the 2yos didn't feel abandoned, because they were used to being taken care of by my partners. I just asked them (they're 5 now) if they remembered when I was gone, and they don't. My older twins remember it vividly, though, so I think you're absolutely right about it being less traumatizing when they're younger (though the older kids got over it too).

It took a while for the little ones to warm back up to me after I got home, but we have a great relationship now. I don't feel being away from me did any damage to any of the kids in the long run.

Hope all that is some help, and thank you for your service.

[ians_mommy]

Originally Posted by soso-lynn

I have no experience with this, but it seems to me that officially weaning might not be necessary. I would probably focus more on creating other routines and comfort objects or situations.

I don't think that a child sees his mother and nursing as two separate losses if she is gone and I think that trying to wean at that age can be very stressful for everyone involved, especially for the child who will not understand why.

Perhaps you can introduce something that will remain after you are gone to your nursing routine such as doing it in a special place where he could go when he misses you or with a special blanket that can become a comfort object or involving your DH (ie you nurse in bed with DH on the other side as a family activity) so that cuddly time with DH can continue and "replace" nursing while you are gone.

I do think that spending the next few months as normally as possible (while making adjustments in preparation of course) is the best way to make it less traumatic. The idea of you nursing him at the airport before you go seems like a great way to let him know that you are not abandonning him.

You make a very god point Lynn. Even if it would be better to wean first, I do not have the heart to do maternal-lead weaning. I feel strongly that he should decide when to wean...that is until I have to leave ...but if I wasnt leaving, it would be 100% on his terms.
Thankfully he does except comfort from DH at night (when he nurses the most now). Because I am a Nurse-Midwife, I frequently work overnight and he sleeps just with Da-Da. My DH has always said he does just fine.
I honestly think the abrupt end of the nursing relationship will be hardest on me.

[kirstenb]

Originally Posted by marlne

All awesome ideas!! If there was just one thing I could add, it would be maybe getting a little cozy pillow you can put a photo of you on. THat way your little one can snuggle with mommy.

I was going to suggest something similar. A lot of children on base here have Daddy dolls and I like the idea a lot- I know I will be getting one for DS the next time my DH leaves on a deployment. They have some other products too like pillows or bears if you don't want the doll.

http://www.hugahero.com/index.php

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Biscuits & Gravy

I don't have any BTDT advice, but I could not see and read your post without thanking you. So thank you. I hope your deployment speeds by and hope for your safe return to your family and loved ones.

And many thanks from me as well. : Sending lots of good vibes for a fast deployment that you come home safe and sound from.

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by kirstenb

I was going to suggest something similar. A lot of children on base here have Daddy dolls and I like the idea a lot- I know I will be getting one for DS the next time my DH leaves on a deployment. They have some other products too like pillows or bears if you don't want the doll.

http://www.hugahero.com/index.php

Thanks for the link! I was coming over here to provide the same info, but couldn't remember the name of the company. We are planning to get a couple of Daddy dolls for my two youngest DSs for DH's upcoming deployment.

OP, looks like you've gotten some great advice already, but I did want to add a and a special thanks to you for all of your hard work and your sacrifice. Perhaps you'll be my care provider some day if I have another baby at your MTF .

Much love,

[phathui5]

I honestly think the abrupt end of the nursing relationship will be hardest on me.

Not just emotionally, but possibly physically as well. Please make sure you take care of your body afterwards so that you don't end up with plugged ducts and mastitis.

[jivey]

ians_mommy.

Thank you for your service to our Country.

God Bless and come home safe

[SquishyKitty]

I deployed for 8 months, so I know what you're going through.

Lots of pictures. Send pictures all the time. Send pics of you holding a pic of him, he'll make the connection. Depending on where you are, a webcam is great. Your DH will also need to make the connection with him.

I think you'll be surprised at how resilient they are. It's not easy by any means, but it is easier when they're younger.

Good luck, and stay safe.

[jadegirl553]

Originally Posted by Amila

Check this out: http://www.skype.com/

It is free. You could still read to him, and he would be able to see you!

Just a warning... My father-in-law is deployed, and is not allowed to use this. Don't know why, but he'll be cut off from internet if he logs on.

Some computer places have webcams- my DH was able to use those once or twice before he was sent elsewhere.

Also, MSN messenger has worked- not well, but enough for my FIL to see his new grandbaby.