Originally Posted by Savoury
Back on topic cuz I need more advice...
She emailed me today. And I have no clue what to think. Just when I was feeling peace, I get this horrible stressed-out feeling. She accuses my son of some awful behavior, but in this backhanded nice way, and then she goes on to say she has seen him act like this time and time again. Like that is all he does. She barely knows me. And I have seen her child act out. Time and time again. Isn't that what kids do sometimes? Shoot, as my husband says, even adults act out... as she did.
She apologized for her outburst, explains some reasoning behind it (she was picked on, her child is sensitive), says I obviously have my hands full with three kids and can't handle them all (but in a nice way, so I guess that should make me feel better about it). She also blames my son for everything that happened there, even going on to say when he was playing tag he had "a malicious look in his eye when he did it, like he knew full well what he was doing", and tagged C. DS has no recollection of tagging C, at all.
The kicker is that she says it is obvious we do not give DS enough attention at home which is why he is acting out.
Then she says she would love to help me, basically gain control of my kids.
While I appreciate her apology and I do know that I owe her one for DS hitting C, the rest of the email infuriates me.
I would love to tell you to igore this unbalanced individual, but honestly I don't think she's going to let you do that. Based on her behaviour at the gym and her "helpful" follow-up it sounds like she's stewing over the entire thing and trying to set herself up to look better in any future confrontations. If you reply to her and let her know you're on to her, then she can play the martyr to the rest of the group - I was wrong for my outburst and I apologized even though her son has so many issues. I even offered to help her out because obviously she has her hands full and needs assistance with her son and just LOOK how mean she was back to me!
If you do nothing then she can tell people that you were so rude she never even responded when I was trying to be nice! No wonder her son has issues if that's the way she acts!
Unfortunately from the original incident and the followup e-mail she sent, it doesn't sound like this is over and it also sounds like having approval is important to her. I would probably send her a short reply something like this:
I appreciate your apology. We are aware of any issues our son may have and while I appreciate your concern, they are being dealt with successfully. Perception differences aside, I'm confident in the future our children are of an age where they can learn to co-exist peacefully and work out any further issues.
With that you've just acknowledged her apology and tacitly accepted it, rebuffed her insults about your family in a polite but "butt out" kind of way, and pointed out that both children have work to do when it comes to social interactions without accusing her child directly of any wrong behaviour - all the while telling her that she needs to step back. It also closes the issue and does not leave it open for further discussion. I wouldn't reply to anything beyond this, and though it sounds paranoid and childish, do not delete her e-mail(s). You may need those in the future if she gets too difficult. I hate games like this. Good luck!