im not sure how you handle apologies or amends, but for me when I say forced apology I am refering to the "apologize/make ammends or else"
We would use a time in and address the behavior including making ammends, but there would be no "stay here until you are ready to apologize" or "we are going home if you don't apologize" because *I* feel based on my own experience as a child that it only motivates the child to make ammends or apologize without sincerity. and some children are better at seeming sincere then others. if a child apologizes on their own, knowing in advance there is no punishment if they dont, then I can trust it was sincere. and if its not sincere I don't want them to do it.
In the case of the OP her child needed to step back and realize the role he played in all of this before he was ready to make amends. his intent was not malicious when he took the ball, and then the child called him a name, so in her child's eyes he was defending himself when he hit - which is NOT okay, but I'm just saying from the childs point of view since in his eyes he wasnt the "first" to act out he needed more time to and also to learn that it doesnt matter if someone does something to you first or not that we can choose to be kind and that being hurtful is never okay.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that from your mom
I go through similar things but its more just her judgement that im not as holy as her because I don't spank. other then that she can't really say her way is better for any reason other then "she said so"... I think she thinks she is better because none of her children have special needs, bt the reality is that both me and brother did/do and she just doesn;t raelize it... which is all still irrelevant anyway so I dont get into it with her anymore. every child is different.