3 1/2 year old biting.

[taralee]

my daughter is old enough to understand that biting andhitting are not nice and hurt. she is still doing it, and leaving marks on other children from it. she will be playng perfect than she does it unexpecdately. i use time outs but lately she won't stay in the time out for more than three seconds. it is getting hard harder to dicsipline her. i don't want a child no one wants to be around, or make freinds with.
she also has father that on weekends she stays with, and he provides the disney land weekend. so when she is at my house she is shocked by my rules. then in her anger i see her taking it out on her 9 month old brother, she hurts him for no reason. i am fiding her difficult andnot enjoying her company, shei s very selfish and only is nice when she wants a treat or something. any help on this age and divorced families? thanks tara

[Marsupialmom]

I will strongly encourage you to rule out hearing and sight problems. My middle child has hearing loss and she carried these behaviors longer than normal.

Next, watch her closely. Is there a language gap? My son started hitting at 3 because he did not have the words he needed to use. Is the other child/ren trying to co-operate? In our son’s situation we had to work on the other child. (Long story but this kid still has a sharing problem. His parents actually bought 2 play stations so him and his brother won’t argue. They wonder why he/they cannot share).

It is unexpectedly for you. Most times if you watch closely/step back you will see the biting coming. Use this time to give the words. Say something like “DD you look frustrated are you wanting OC’s toy?” “Here is how you ask.” I bet this happens after 30 minutes or more of playing. I have a friend that sets her watch for 45 minutes. She then takes her son for a walk/bathroom trip for 5-10 before coming back to play. If not fist fly much to her dismay.

Also keep play dates short, well-fed on nutritious non-sugary snacks. Break up playtimes with nutritious snacks. Maybe put in a structured activity in there, something to switch gears and take a break of the harder social skills.