or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Baby Health › Vaccinations › I'm Not Vaccinating › Desperate dad needs help...mom severely indoctrinated, please read
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Desperate dad needs help...mom severely indoctrinated, please read - Page 2

post #21 of 30
I watched a movie called Vaccine Nation on google video with my husband. It was enough to make him change his mind.
post #22 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Treece View Post
What opened my eyes was the CDC website's listing of the chemicals in vaccines. www.cdc.gov Also VAERS.
This is what helped me convince DH to atleast delay vaxxing. We are both on the fence until at least school age. But I told him, unless you do as much research as I have, you dont get to make the decision. Unfortunatly for the OP, I am the mother, and he is not. In our society, the mother primary caregiver, thus the decision maker. Work her good. Maybe her hormones are clouding her reasoning??
post #23 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lydiah View Post
I watched a movie called Vaccine Nation on google video with my husband. It was enough to make him change his mind.
I was going to suggest this video too. Here's the link if OP or anyone else would like it:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...uCQ&q=vaccines
post #24 of 30
All of this is fantastic advice. However, I think before you present any info to her, you'll need to at least be willing to listen to your feelings on the matter. Maybe approach it to her in a calm way when she's in a good, non-stressed mood that you're really concerned about some of the things you've heard about vaccines and would she be willing to hold off on giving any to the unborn child while the two of you look into it a bit first? You can even spin it to make it sound like you want her to research it with you to show you that they're safe (then slip in the correct info to start showing her otherwise). Good luck to you!
post #25 of 30
This might be a weird question, but do you have any idea why she hangs on to every single word doctor tells her? You said she nearly jumps at every chance possible to go to the doctor - most of us, even those who like doctors, avoid going like the plague. Is there maybe some emotional attachment to doctoral care? Maybe that she felt illnesses (i.e. cold, flu) were ignored in her family growing up and she finds comfort in being 'taken care of' by medical professionals? If you could figure out why she's so attached to doctors and their care to this extreme, it might help you understand where she's coming from and how better to approach her.

I'm a psych major and have realized that there's usually emotional reasons in cases like these.

I do hope you can find a way to get her to at least listen to you. It's definitely not fair that it's all her way or that she won't at least hear your side and consider options.
post #26 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebb View Post
This might be a weird question, but do you have any idea why she hangs on to every single word doctor tells her? You said she nearly jumps at every chance possible to go to the doctor - most of us, even those who like doctors, avoid going like the plague. Is there maybe some emotional attachment to doctoral care? Maybe that she felt illnesses (i.e. cold, flu) were ignored in her family growing up and she finds comfort in being 'taken care of' by medical professionals? If you could figure out why she's so attached to doctors and their care to this extreme, it might help you understand where she's coming from and how better to approach her.

I'm a psych major and have realized that there's usually emotional reasons in cases like these.

I do hope you can find a way to get her to at least listen to you. It's definitely not fair that it's all her way or that she won't at least hear your side and consider options.
sorry i havent responded in here, i appreciate all the replies...i made a big reply a while ago for this thread but i accidentally deleted it all and didn't have the energy to type it up again.

yes you are right, there is definitely an emotional attachment to western medicine/drugs/doctors. she takes ADHD medicine and believes she can barely function without it (hasnt been taking it all pregnancy long and seems fine to me). she has a history involving medical services i would rather not go into detail about, plus her father was a psychologist. that is probably the biggest factor, her father being part of the medical establishment and probably has extolled the virtues of pharma drugs to her (nothing against him, hes a good guy). i walk away feeling like a parent taking a 3 year old's cookies away after our vaccine "talks", which are more like me being berated and defending myself. it is really an illogical emotional attachment i am battling with here and it dosent make any sense. sometimes i feel im making progress but she wil not read anything i want to show her..i can read statistic after statistic and she will tell me they dont matter.

truthfully what this whole vaccination issue has made clear is that there is a definite lack of respect for me on her part. it is very insulting that she feels her uneducated, unresearched opinion is as good as mine...me having put in hours of reading on vaccines and studies, and i constantly remind her of this. Ive been shown that she believes i am too dumb/inadequate in some way on this issue. If i think of someone as a smart and respectable person, i will take an honest listen to what they have to say, simply because i know there intelligence and am interested in how they have reached their current thinking. i am not receiving this same respect. sorry for the rant, had to vent
post #27 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by yd66 View Post

truthfully what this whole vaccination issue has made clear is that there is a definite lack of respect for me on her part. it is very insulting that she feels her uneducated, unresearched opinion is as good as mine...me having put in hours of reading on vaccines and studies, and i constantly remind her of this. Ive been shown that she believes i am too dumb/inadequate in some way on this issue. If i think of someone as a smart and respectable person, i will take an honest listen to what they have to say, simply because i know there intelligence and am interested in how they have reached their current thinking. i am not receiving this same respect. sorry for the rant, had to vent
This is the first thing I thought of when I read your first post. There definitely seems to be some respect issues with her shrugging off your concerns. I can't imagine treating my dh this way. Maybe you should talk to her about how she is making you feel when she treats you this way. She may not realize how important this is to you and how much you are concerned about it. I really hope that you can get through to her - both for baby and for your relationship
post #28 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by yd66 View Post
yes you are right, there is definitely an emotional attachment to western medicine/drugs/doctors. she takes ADHD medicine and believes she can barely function without it (hasnt been taking it all pregnancy long and seems fine to me). she has a history involving medical services i would rather not go into detail about, plus her father was a psychologist. that is probably the biggest factor, her father being part of the medical establishment and probably has extolled the virtues of pharma drugs to her (nothing against him, hes a good guy).
You have a very, rough road to hoe. I hope you are really patient. Please keep in mind that this is your child is well. Personally, I would go very slow with it all. She is only going to shut down if you push too much. I would hope that as your relationship grows she will respect your opinion more and more.

In these types of situations, I simply try to lead by example. Reading information, staying healthy, making good decisions, staying strong, garnering respect. If she is that indoctrinated, she will look for any chink in the armor to rationalize and generalize that you don't know what you are talking about. This is going to take some time. The patience you will need, will help you be a better parent.

On a more positive note, you are having a child. Congrats.
post #29 of 30
Would she watch The Brady Bunch? I think the episode where they all get the measles might show her how ridiculous some of the vaxes are. Maybe from there she might start to question a few more?
post #30 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by yd66 View Post
yes you are right, there is definitely an emotional attachment to western medicine/drugs/doctors. she takes ADHD medicine and believes she can barely function without it (hasnt been taking it all pregnancy long and seems fine to me).
Good luck in trying to educate your wife and reach a consensus. I wanted to mention this because I happen to read something about ADHD that says that the symptoms of ADHD are often less during pregnancy because of the high estrogen levels during pregnancy...
And if she does have ADHD a lot of all of this may feel pretty overwhelming to her.
Help her create a powerful, beautiful, and supported birth and perhaps through the process of this the two of you will come to agree on more issues.

Jessica
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: I'm Not Vaccinating
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Baby Health › Vaccinations › I'm Not Vaccinating › Desperate dad needs help...mom severely indoctrinated, please read