Is there anything I can do about this?

[Freud]

Probably not, but it is bothering me so much.

My boyfriend's brother, who lives in Seattle, is sending his 10 month old son to stay with my boyfriend's parents (in Chicago) for a month beginning at the end of April. The baby has only met his grandparents once in his entire life (when he was 5 months old). They aren't sending him for any particular reason, they'll be at home, like normal.

It just makes me sick to think of this baby away from his parents for so long and at such a young age. This is potentially traumatic, and they are risking this for no good reason at all (meaning, they aren't in a situation where they need him to be with someone else for his safety, health etc.). The mother is a stay at home mom, and isn't coming with.

Also, the grandparents (boyfriend's parents) do not make very good choices when it comes to taking care of children/babies. They have fed my boyfriend's other nephew coke and coffee in a bottle when he was an infant, and fed their own first born son only cow's milk and mashed bananas for the first six months of his life (I heard this directly from her mouth-she said the doctor recommended it because he was premature-this was 35 years ago, but still, I cringe), and other terrible choices (in my opinion).

Is there anything I can do about this? Send a friendly email? Probably not. But if anyone can come up with anything...

[becoming]

That's really bizarre. Do you think maybe the mother is having some depression issues, or their marriage is rocky?

[Boot]

Could you phone and say 'I heard your ds was going to stay with your parents for a month so I'm guessing you must be having a rough time. Is there anything I can do to help?' To be honest, I don't think even the most mainstream of parents would be doing this unless there was something else going on. Poor baby.

[Mama2Bug]

Originally Posted by Boot

Could you phone and say 'I heard your ds was going to stay with your parents for a month so I'm guessing you must be having a rough time. Is there anything I can do to help?'

I think this is your best bet. It might give them an indication that it isn't a particularly "normal" thing to do. Maybe they'd rethink the idea. I guess you'd have to have a good follow up to it (or none at all) if their reply is "No, everything is fine!"

Are they normally pretty decent parents? If so, I'd say there's more going on than they're telling. It stinks that the grandparents aren't the best at baby-raising though. Poor kid.

[Freud]

I agree, it is extremely bizarre. According to my boyfriend, they are sending him so that he can meet all of his family here in Chicago. Why they aren't coming with is way beyond me. My boyfriend says that his brother is excited for this. I don't know anything about their marriage, but from what I gather, the brother is a little weird, just does odd things sometimes and is not well-liked by any of his 4 brothers. I know they are financially stable, he's an officer in the Navy and they just bought a nice home on a sizable piece of land. I do not know much about the baby's mother, I've never met her. But, from what I've heard, she's a very good mother. She was described as very attentive, was breastfeeding, and cosleeping, at least at one point. Actually, one of my first thoughts is that her husband was forcing her to let the child go. I don't know why I had that thought though, since I have no evidence of such a thing (maybe it is simply because I cannot fathom why a mother would allow her baby to be away from her for an entire month).

What about having my boyfriend call his brother and just tell him how weird this whole thing is?

If the baby has to come to Chicago, I'd rather him stay with us, at least for part of the time, where he would be safer. My boyfriend agrees, but I don't know how the brother would respond to this suggestion.

[Emzachsmama]

It must be very hard to hear that someone you know would want to send their young (very young) child away for so long.

That being said I don't think I would say anything personally. IMO, as much as you (and many of us) would disagree with their decision to do this, it is ultimately THEIR decision. And even if we think it is weird...they are the parents and its not really anyone else's business.

[A&A]

She's gotta be depressed. Or having surgery she doesn't want you to know about, etc.

[crazydiamond]

I agree, something else must be going on. They came up with solution but since they don't want anyone else to know what's going on, they had to come up with an excuse. It's pretty weak, I agree, but maybe that's all they could think of. I wouldn't bring it up with them because it's pretty clear they don't want to discuss it, but if you can't help but say something, stick to what Boot suggested.

[gbailey]

I can't imagine leaving DD for a few days let alone a full month. It sounds so traumatizing. I think Boots' advice was the best. Maybe your offer to help will give some insight into why they are doing this. Also, if the dad will let the baby stay with you at least part time I think that's so sweet of you to do!

[montlake]

You should not do anything. Most likely there is a reason, one they have chosen not to share. Or not, but is anyone really receptive to getting a phone call saying "How you are parenting your child is really weird"? It's just going to create tension and for no reason, I can't imagine they would decide not to send him because of it.

[SquishyKitty]

I don't think you should say or do anything. THey aren't placing the child in harms way. They aren't abusing the child. Really, it's not up to you to judge why the parents are making this decision.

[lindberg99]

Are you close with your boyfriend's parents? Maybe offer help to them if they need it while the baby is here.

My neighbor's mom was in a similar situation. Her son and his wife wanted to send their son for a "visit" when he was maybe 18 months or 2. Wife then left and son took a post in Japan (he's in the army) so the little boy is still with neighbor's mom (his grandma). It's been at least 2 years now. You just don't know what's going on with the parents. They could be having troubles that they don't want to discuss.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

The one thing that occurs to me is that a month is a pretty standard time for in-patient detox... I agree that something else is going on that they don't want to talk about. I like the idea of offering to help, and maybe even offering to take baby if you can. On the excuse that "we are already all set up for a small child" or something.

[mbhf]

I don't really think it's any of your business. Maybe the mom needs a break, being a military wife is not easy, and her husband is likely gone a LOT. I personally would not send any of my kids to spend a month with someone else, but it would be tempting to send the older two for a while. And it is not necessarily uncommon. If you have specific concerns about your boyfriend's parents ability to care for the baby properly that you feel the brother/wife are not aware of, bring them up, offer some help, but there's not really anything you can do about it but accept that different people have different ideas about what is and is not "good" parenting.

[limabean]

I think you're right that there's probably not anything constructive you can do or say, but I totally understand you having the desire to, and I agree that it's strange behavior unless there's something else going on.

[alegna]

How are they "sending" this baby? Is someone flying with baby? Or driving? I'm pretty sure no airline would take an unaccompanied minor that young...

-Angela

[nextcommercial]

I had a daycare baby who's parents did this a LOT. Whenever they got too tired of dealing with him.

One time. (I couldn't even make this up) they sent him in a car with COMPLETE STRANGERS who were making the trip from Phoenix to New Mexico and offered to drive him and drop him off the the grandparents.

I was FLOORED! (I was more than that actually) What if they decided to drop him off at a truck stop? What if they decided to make a quick run to Mexico and sell the cute little guy?

Some parents just don't have that instinct that we are all told will kick in as soon as the baby is born. These parents just wanted to party, and the kid interfered with partying, then sleepin in the next day.