Do you leave a 5yo alone at a bday party?

[heatherdeg]

My neighbors had a bday party for their 5yo yesterday and I felt ill, but dh went and took ds (also 5yo). When he came home, he told me that ALL of the other parents just dropped their kids and left. One of them turned to my neighbors and said "and here's his epi-pen--he's allergic to peanuts".



(neither knows how to use an epi-pen).

Another set of parents had just moved here from another country and left their child alone--who barely spoke or understood English.

The neighbors turned to dh and said "Of all the parents, we'd only have expected YOU to leave your son here because we know him so well--and you're the only one staying!". It was a 2 hour party and they wound up with 4 extra pizzas--thinking they'd need to feed the parents.

Their son is in a preschool and mine isn't--so the attendants at my son's party were friends, family and a few homeschooling parents we know really well. Apparently, they haven't attended any bday parties other than my son's (which was at a gym, much shorter and in the evening. Parents were invited back to the house, but whether they came or not--all parents stayed during the gym party).

One parent even sat in their car because they showed up earlier than the party's end time.

Is it just me, or is this weird?

[loon13]

I've seen it happen before.

Last year, my 5 yr old was invited to a classmate's party. I went to the party and stayed (had my twins with me and no one to leave them home with) and I was glad I did. Only one other mom stayed (my neighbor, she also had her younger one with her) and we were glad we were able to help the mom giving the party. She had invited all the kids in the class (17) and it was a winter's day, the party inside her house. And most of the parents did exactly as you described, dropped the kids off and left, only to return to pick them up later. Need I say how loud 17 5-year-olds can be?

I don't know. I can see leaving the kids when they are older, but in my personal opinion, 5 is too young to just drop them off, especially if you don't really know the parents.

When my dd turned 6, she wanted to have her birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. I had her limit the guest list to 6 friends, because dh was deployed at the time and I couldn't handle it if all 17 classmates were dropped off at the party. I feel personally responsible for each child and there was no way I could watch all 17 of them. Luckily the 6 that came were very good friends and most of the parents stayed too.

[Periwinkle]

yes. And I've had friends (at age 5 & 6) of the kids here whose parents have informed me of allergies and dropped off epi pens.

ETA - I'm extremely anal about ingredients though and my friends who have done this know I'm an ingredients reader anyway so they KNOW I would never 'mess up' and give their kids something with an allergenic food in it... I'm always being proactive about it and saying something at the playground like "these pretzels are baked with oil, but it's safflower not soy oil" or whatever. So the epi pens were for the random thing like trace peanuts actually WERE in the crackers but weren't listed, etc.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Periwinkle

yes. And I've had friends (at age 5 & 6) of the kids here whose parents have informed me of allergies and dropped off epi pens.

ETA - I'm extremely anal about ingredients though and my friends who have done this know I'm an ingredients reader anyway so they KNOW I would never 'mess up' and give their kids something with an allergenic food in it... I'm always being proactive about it and saying something at the playground like "these pretzels are baked with oil, but it's safflower not soy oil" or whatever. So the epi pens were for the random thing like trace peanuts actually WERE in the crackers but weren't listed, etc.

But these were friends--right? Not just your child's classmates? And you knew about the allergies ahead of time? Neither was the case here.

[gingerstar]

Sadly IME this seems to be standard.

My DD (age 4 then) went to a preschool birthday party (her first non-family one) where all the kids were 3, 4, and 5. They had invited all the class, plus some family, so there were a LOT of kids - like 25, and only the mom and grandma and an aunt running it. One other mom and I were the only ones who stayed. And she is a social worker who works with domestic violence and child abuse, her husband's a sheriff's officer - they are every bit as protective as I am, if not more, and she too was shocked that no one else stayed.
Grandpa had girly pics up in the den, where the kids roamed - oh, it was all inside - and it was mass chaos. The mom thanked me for staying, since I helped her out.

I think I actually caused my DD to not get invited to one of her girlfriend's parties, because I always went with. But the first time, my DD was 4, I didn't know the mom, and she was taking them about 35 miles away to Build-a-Bear, using the Tollway.... so I agreed to follow, (with my DD riding in my van) and I stayed in the mall while they built their bears. The next year, she went about 15 miles away to a place that did dress-up, and this year, I let her ride with her friends, but I followed and stayed. The next year, she wasn't invited.

But we don't get a second chance with our kids, y'know? You can't undo things if something happens. So yes, I go, and I stay. (Until they are bigger)

[CarrieMF]

It is RARE for parents to stay for a birthday party, even for a 3-4yo. When my kids were in playschool I'd leave them for the party.

My kids are almost 7, 8 & 10. I've been having parties(non-family only) for them since my oldest was 3. I've had 2 parents stay & 1 ask if I needed help(I had 16 kids including my own 3 that time).

[Alyantavid]

It is weird to me. But I'm the parent who stays. I've never left my kids at a party and my oldest is almost 7. His party is next weekend and I doubt any of the parents will leave, but they're mostly all friends of ours anyways.

[jenniferadurham]

If I threw a party for my DD and the parents dropped the kid off, before they even had a chance to leave I would tell them to stay, or they can take their child with them. I WILL NOT be responsible for another child...that's irresponsible in my book.

I sound like I hate children...lol quite the opposite. I just don't think that is good parenting. I would WANT to be there to witness my shild having so much fun.

[Ruthla]

It really depends on the child.

DS was ready to be left alone at parties at age 5. So was DD1. But DD2 wasn't ready to be left without me until she was a bit older. It varied even then- if her sister was invited to the same party,and/or if it was a small party and she knew all the kids plus the host parents, she was more comfortable staying alone than if it was a larger, louder party with more people she didn't already know. And often times, if both girls were invited, I'd stay because DD2 needed me, even if DD1 would have been fine without me.

If I had a child with a SERIOUS food allergy, I wouldn't leave my child anywhere unless I was 100% positive there was at least one adult (or responsible older sibling) around knew how to use the epi-pen if necessary. And I'd continue that until the child was old enough to reliably use the epi-pen if needed (and/or had peers at the party who could do so in case the child was too "out of it" to use the epi-pen.)

[lolar2]

IME: all parents stay until 3 yo, some but not all stay for 4-5 yo, and it's rare for any to stay for 6 yo and up unless it's a specified multigenerational party (the invitation would say something like "cake for the kids and beer for the parents" to make it really, really clear the parents are supposed to stay).

[luv-my-boys]

I wouldnt in my book, but thats the way I am with my kids. Especially if I didnt "know" the other adults staying. I have thrown quite a few parties and honestly I have never had a parent leave but then again we do make it a point that we'll have lots of food and everyone is invited. Most of our friends and neighbors know that it implies for them to stay as well I mean at the max I have invited over 25 kids to party! so yeah I dont know what I would do if the parents left. I think that it is a little irresponsible to leave a child and then hand off their epi-pen, after all the person might not know how to properly use it or when or heck even what it is. As a ER nurse I have seen this happen, people go into anaphalaxis and others not know how to use the pen. The instructions are usually on them, but still why chance it.

[TiredX2]

I would not have left DD at that age. Well, perhaps with our friends we have know since she was 16 months old and seen 1-5 X weekly since then, but DS would have been invited too, so I would have stayed for him. She wasn't really ready to be left until about 2nd grade, and even then didn't want me to leave her at some parties.

WIth DS, he was in kinder when he was 5 which is, IMO, very different than preschool (children's ability to be in a large group w/few adults). I'm pretty sure I left him at a house party while he was in kinder (so, this was a 6 year old b-day party with the kids all in kinder). I stayed 15ish minutes and got back on the early side to make sure everything was okay.

Giving a party--- I would expect parents to stay with their preschool age and younger kids. I know that some parents can't do that, but I would think it would even out. Thinking about it, though, for DD's 3rd or 4th birthday she had a few neighborhood friends over and their parents did not stay. That said, I could literally see their houses from my house, had their phone numbers and, with one of the, the older child could walk alone from their house to ours. Once they hit school age (kinder) I assume many parents will be leaving the kids. At DS's and DD's current ages (7 & 10, 2nd & 5th grades) I assume I am not supposed to stay and that no parents will stay (except close friends of mine).

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by loon13

I don't know. I can see leaving the kids when they are older, but in my personal opinion, 5 is too young to just drop them off, especially if you don't really know the parents.

I agree. I did leave my DD at a party at age 4.5 one year because of where it was at. The people running the place asked that parents drop the kids off and I knew the parent of the child having the party pretty well. I was also just a few doors down in the same strip mall shopping anyway, so I was nearby.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by jenniferadurham

If I threw a party for my DD and the parents dropped the kid off, before they even had a chance to leave I would tell them to stay, or they can take their child with them. I WILL NOT be responsible for another child...that's irresponsible in my book.

If that is the way you feel I would make sure to make that note on the invitation because I would say that many parents would not think that they were expected to stay and supervise their child at a party that they were invited to.

My daughter is 6 and we have done both. When the party was at somewhere away from the birthday child's home I have either stayed at the location or nearby when it was inside a mall. Once the party was at a painting store and there was obviously no room for additional people in the party room so we walked the mall until close to pick up time. She was recently invited to a party at her friend's house and the mom met all of the girls at the door to welcome them inside and then confirmed the pick up time with the parents dropping off.

[Periwinkle]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

But these were friends--right? Not just your child's classmates? And you knew about the allergies ahead of time? Neither was the case here.

yes and yes. Sorry missed that part.

[DQMama]

Around here it seems that 5 is the age when parents start dropping kids off. We went to a party today where we were the only other parents.

[DariusMom]

yes, usually. it's the general expectation where we live and we know most of the parents reasonably well. I always ask if they want me to stay, and they usually don't, as extra parents mean extra mouths to feed and entertain. I suppose it depends on varying social circles.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by jenniferadurham

If I threw a party for my DD and the parents dropped the kid off, before they even had a chance to leave I would tell them to stay, or they can take their child with them. I WILL NOT be responsible for another child...that's irresponsible in my book.

I sound like I hate children...lol quite the opposite. I just don't think that is good parenting. I would WANT to be there to witness my shild having so much fun.

As another poster mentioned, you would need to make this very clear.

Also, you may want to think this stance through. It looks like your DD is already 6--- how long will this last? While it was still "normal" for a parent to stay at 5-6 (not the standard, but not odd) DD is 10 and it would really be socially unacceptable for me to stay at the birthday parties she is invited to. Heck, many of them are sleepovers! She has also gone to parties where they went to a movie in a theater twice now. DS is 7 and attending 8 year old parties at this point and many of those would even be socially awkward to stay at. At that age the assumption seems to be that you will not stay, and it would make many people uncomfortable to be in their home with plans for entertaining 5-10 7-8 year olds and be confronted with an adult making themselves at home. If I was very concerned about the situation (and I did do this for DS when he was younger) I would bring a book and sit in the car. DS wanted me to not "stay" because he knew no other parents would, but he wanted me close just in case. I ended up going in at normal pick up time and having a nice read.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

I would only leave my kids alone at a party when they were 5 if I knew the parents well. Otherwise I would call ahead and make arrangements to help the hosts (maybe even bring some food with me). I'm not comfortable leaving a child that young with people I don't know well enough to trust. I became more lenient about this between ages 6-7. I don't expect parents to stay when I host, though I always make it clear that they're welcome to stay if they want to. I only invite my kids' close friends, some of which I'm very close with the parents of, so usually some people stay.

Jesse and Davin make it easy for me, though. They hate parties and refuse to even consider going to one or having us host one for them, lol.

[RufusBeans]

from what I've heard it is regional. but I can tell you what has happened in dd's limited experience.

party #1 - McDonalds for a 4 yo boy. All parents stayed.

party #2- zoo party for 4 yo girl. 11 out 15 parents stayed.

party #3- home party for 5 yo boy. I planned on staying, mother told me I could stay if we wanted to, but they had lots of adults there and she would take our cell #. The house was small and it looked like she wanted us (the rest of the mothers and me hovering) to go, so we did.

party #4- home party for 5 yo girl. I had no idea when I went if they wanted parents to stay or not. I asked the dad at the door and he said most mothers were staying, so I did. I think Bean could of done the party alone, but I was there to help her with her smock, and put her hat on correctly, and tell her not to mix paint colors in the community paint pot lol. Out of 15 girls, 3 were dropped off.