Do you leave a 5yo alone at a bday party? - Page 3

[DaughterOfKali]

I just noticed that parents are doing this. The last few birthday parties we attended, the parents left. It wasn't on the invite that parents should leave. I found it very odd.
I wouldn't do it, but that's me.

I'll be sure to put down "Parent must stay with child" on the invite for ds's next party.

[mags]

Heck no! I'm helicopter mom. Unless the party was really small and we were really close to the family and knew they knew our son well as well, I would NOT leave my son alone at a bday party. It really freaks me out that so many parents feel comfortable just dropping off their kids at a bday party, esp when they barely know the family whose hosting.

[delfin]

is funny...where i live, kids are always dropped off at parties. some parents might stay, if their child is shy, or they are friends with the b-day kid. there is ussually someone hired to entertain the kids.
it was always like that growing up. and i don't remember anyone having food allergies.

[chaimom]

When my boys were in preschool, everyone had family parties and generally the whole class was invited. The parents and siblings all came and whoever planned the party knew that and made accomodations. It was really nice actually, because the parents loved to get together and even though the boys have been out of preschool for 2 years now, I'm still good friends with many of those parents.

Now that my boys are in 1st grade, they're all drop off parties. The boys know my phone number. They're well-behaved. I know the parents and kids of the parties they attend. It's fine with them and with me.

The one exception is a swimming party one of my boys was invited to at the beginning of the school year. The invitation said it was a drop off party but that if I was uncomfortable I could stay if I paid my own admission to the party. (?!) I shouldn't have let him go, but I paid and supervised. Thank goodness. About five of eight other parents did the same thing. But the party-throwers didn't even get in the water! I was really disgusted by their lack of concern and preparation for a potentially dangerous party. Needless to say, we haven't pursued a friendship with that kid or his clueless parents.

This post has me thinking about those preschool parents! I'm off to make some phone calls!

[ZanZansMommy]

Nope. I stay with my 5 yr. old for all parties.

[nextcommercial]

I didn't. But, my child was a HUGE mama's girl, and didn't warm up quickly.

But, all of my dd's parties, about half of the parents left them, and half stayed. It didn't bother me either way. I think it just depends on the child.

[OakBerry]

My ds is 6 and most of the people here will drop off at this age. I don't, unless it's a close friend or relative, but then I'm usually staying to help out anyway.

At age 5 the drop off/stay ratio was about 50/50.

[beanma]

I posted on another thread, but my dd1 just turned 8 last month and of all the b-day parties we've been to this school year (6-8) most of the parents stayed. Maybe it's just our circle of friends but it seems to be the norm for us. We have friends who are homeschoolers and private schoolers and public schoolers. The public schooler parties do seem to have fewer parents, but still half or more stay.

[EviesMom]

DD was just invited by a classmate to play after school today. The mom offered to take them to her house and return DD later tonight. I was surprised. I said "I think DD will probably want me to come with her," and I asked her. I know that she always wants me to stay at playdates though. I don't think I'd have been comfortable leaving her in that situation.

But she's been to drop off parties though, and not minded us leaving. Generally they're at a party space with hired people to watch the kids, not house parties with just a parent. I don't have a problem with that. We're doing her 5th party as drop off, but there are 1-2 parents I know will want to attend, and I made sure they knew that was fine. I just don't have the room for ALL the parents and siblings to attend, having a crowd of parents makes it an open general mingle party in my experience, and is not conducive to a class/event oriented party; and we have 5 adults there for 8 kids as it is. (Dh, me, 2 other mothers I know will stay, and the dance teacher).

[MtBikeLover]

I guess I am in the minority (and I don't consider myself a mainstream parent) but I have no issues dropping the kids off. If it is at Pump It Up, then I do tend to stay just because I like to socialize (when I am not the one throwing the party) and a lot of parents stay at those parties.

And for the parties that I have thrown, no parents stayed at my DS 5th or 6th birthday, nor did they stay at my DD's 4th birthday. I actually prefer for the parents to leave because then I can focus on the kids and not feel that I have to socialize with the parents - that would just put way too much stress on me because I like to plan lots of activities for the kids. Plus, my house would be way too crowded to have 15-20 kids plus 15-20 adults.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by lindberg99

The sitting in the car thing seems pretty weird though! Although I have a rather cynical theory that some people view birthday parties as an exchange of a present for babysitting so maybe this parent figured she was going to leave her child there for the full two hours even if she just sat in the car and read a book. Who knows?

It so the mom can be there if she needs to be without either putting stress on the hosts or embaressing her kid. Many parents did it as a trasitional step at DS's preschool. They weren't quite ready to just leave in case the kid was upset, but they did want to let there kid try going to school by her/himself.

[KD's Momma]

this sounds really weird to me! I just - as in last weekend- had my son's 5th bday party and none of the parents dropped off their kids! I even had one day who needed to go pick his son up from something else and asked if it was ok if he left his daughter for like 15 min - I didn't mind of course and was fine with it. These were all great friends that we have know for a long time so I would have been fine with kids being dropped off but no one did - plus I wouldn't do it myself unless it was something that was on the invite, maybe that's just me but I don't leave my kids with anyone - unless I know them VERY well - eye on the prize and everything!

[ChampagneBlossom]

It never would have occurred to me to stay over at an at-home birthday party unless parents were specifically requested to stay. If it was an activity party (i.e. McDonalds or the zoo) that's different; I would ask whether parents were included or not. If not, I probably would stick close to the venue (same mall or parking lot or just wander around on my own with the other kiddo).

If I were hosting, I certainly wouldn't be *offended* that parents wanted to stay but I might find it odd or surprising. Guess now I wouldn't be surprised, after reading this! But if a parent wanted to stay I guess I would ask them to help out in some way. Growing up I can remember maybe one or two moms helping out at parties, but they were always doing stuff, not just lounging around. I guess I see it as normal that way, if they're offering to, like, chaperone... serve cake or help with activities or lead games or something... instead of just looking out to make sure their own kiddo isn't doing something dangerous. Is that rude? To ask them to pitch in? (Politely I mean, not hand them an apron and demand they scrub dishes or something.)

But since we plan on homeschooling I doubt this issue will arise; unless we are friends with the parents the kids probably won't get mass party invites (but who knows what the future holds). And if I'm friends with the parents, I probably would just simply ask or assume we could stay. If we're not friends-friends... I probably wouldn't really want to stay unless DS/DD asked me to.

[anj7]

IME, at 4 yr old parties is when the parents drop off. For both our daughters 4th bday parties, only our closest friends stayed for the party, all other parents (18 kids for each party) left.

I only leave if my child is comfortable with that. So far, DD1 has been dropped off for 6 yr old and 7 yr old parties. DD2 was recently at a 4 yr old party, I was the only parent who stayed, I stepped out for 30 minutes and came back. And I don't leave the party if it's in an open public place.

[BunniMummi]

Somewhere between 4 and 5 is probably pretty normal for kids starting to get dropped off around here. I think unless there is a particular issue then yes, they are generally ready for it by 5. Even my super slow to warm up quite clingy DS1 is ok with getting dropped off for a couple hours now. At 4 he wasn't but now with a couple months left until 5 he is, things change quickly. I have never forced the issue, I wouldn't do that to him or to the poor people in charge of the party. I would also never drop him off without going in and making sure they have my contact info and to see that he is off to a good start. If it seems like I should stay then I will but I'm not going to stand around like a helicopter mom for no good reason.

I don't know all the other parents particularly well but I have no problem dropping my son off at a "classmates" (does it count for daycare? hehe) house for a couple hours when it is an announced party that everyone/most are going to. I go with my gut, is there something here that makes me nervous beyond the usual "he is out of my sight" feeling? I hate to be all doom and gloom but I don't think there is much you can do to get to know people so well that you find out about all their deep dark scary secrets. A couple cups of coffee isn't going to do it, hell our kids are at the greatest risk around people they know well, not strangers. That doesn't mean I don't look for danger signs (drinking? people behaving oddly?) but I think it's important to keep things in perspective.

In another year or so he will be starting school so it's very important that he develop independence and be secure in his ability to look after himself (in age/maturity appropriate steps obviously). It isn't always easy for me, I'm a worrier by nature, but this (along with the worrying) is something that my mother passed down to me. Kids need to be allowed to do things on their own in gradually expanding ways so that they have the confidence to deal with greater challenges later.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Community norm here is that parents stay with preschool parties unless there are special circumstances. But by K most parents assume drop off unless specifically invited. DD had a gymnastics party last month and a couple of parents stayed but most left and came back at the end. The only one that annoyed me was the one parent who came 30 minutes after the stated end time and after we had needed to leave the party venue, so we were left standing in the street waiting for the mom.

But I will add that these children all go to school together, there are only 16 kids in each grade level and we all know parents names, cell phones, etc. Afterschool playdates are common so most kids know the parents. Maybe that makes a difference.

[annethcz]

In our area, it is also common for kids to be dropped off for birthday parties around 5 years old. My 5yo has been dropped off at parties, and had a drop-off party when she turned 5. No big deal, IMO.

ETA: I do usually plan a fruit and cracker tray for adults if they decide to stay, but it hasn't happened yet.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

My neighbors had a bday party for their 5yo yesterday and I felt ill, but dh went and took ds (also 5yo). When he came home, he told me that ALL of the other parents just dropped their kids and left. One of them turned to my neighbors and said "and here's his epi-pen--he's allergic to peanuts".



(neither knows how to use an epi-pen).

That's absolutely crazy. Do they teach "how to use an epi pen" in childbirth classes, or something? . Just kidding. And they didn't even check to see if there would be anything likely to be peanut containing at the party?

Whew...

[loraxc]

I've never dropped my 5yo or even considered it. No one dropped off at her recent party. However, I imagine that starting around 7 I would drop off without worrying.

ETA that I would do a drop-off playdate now, but parties are usually pretty chaotic and big in our circles and often drift inside and out, and I wouldn't feel anyone was really watching DD.