My Mom tells me - as often as humanly possible - that I shouldn't have any more kids because I clearly can't handle that ones I have now.
It used to hurt my feelings, but honestly now I realize it's her problem/baggage not mine. (But it took some work to get there. I don't want to make it sound easy.)
My girlfriend had a wonderful way of handling her parents long distance. When they went off on something she would remind them that subject wasn't open to discussion and if they brought it up again she would hang up. Then when they did, she would hang up. She said it didn't take them very long to get the message and stop bringing up the "not allowed" subjects.
I like Super Glue Mommy's approach of getting off when your DC needs you.
Overall, I don't think speaking up is about changing her. You know that's not going to happen - only she can change herself and that's if she wants too. Speaking up is about taking a stand for you. Nobody can offer the love and support of you like you can. Speaking up for yourself shows yourself - and others - that you think you're worth fighting for. You will be amazed at the power of speaking up for yourself. It will reinforce the knowledge that you are great and worth drawing a line in the sand for.
