Catholic Mama - March 2009

[flower01]

I'm new to this section of the forum and really enjoyed reading the February thread. I've been waiting for someone to start March and couldn't wait any longer. So I'll guess I'll introduce myself.

I recently moved so where I am now has a really nice Catholic community (even though we're in the south) and I've met a lot of really nice catholic moms. But, I haven't met too many that are into babywearing or anything else "natural" so I've always felt like my mommy world and spiritual world were two difference places. It's so nice to see Catholic moms on this forum. Sometimes, some of the stuff on this site can be pretty depressing/scary (in terms of our catholic faith) and so I love the idea of being able to come to this thread to meet some like-minded mamas. I have a little girl and a 2nd baby on the way. My DH is a youth minister (so we're really involved in our church). I'm looking forward to meeting all of you!

[spero]

I'm a youth minister too. :

[spero]

for Peppermint!

(to make up for me dissing her beloved Saint! )

[Peppermint]

Just saw this, thanks Spero .

Is this the March Catholic thread? Pretty slow, huh?

[claddaghmom]

Question that I hope stays on the Catholic thread (not family planning per se):

I know the Church says NFP to not have kids is only for "grave" reasons. So I am wondering if this really includes using NFP to simply space kids. E.g. Always intending to have kids, but looking to space them out a bit.

What do you guys think?

[Peppermint]

IMO, the reasons for spacing and length need to be considered. I know some *very* conservative Catholic women who feel that using NFP to achieve the "natural" spacing that true Eco BFing would provide is acceptable- in other words, using NFP to space the children to close to 2.5-3 years apart would be ok in their opinion, with the reasoning that that is God's will for our bodies and our spacing.

There is also the consideration of a mother's mental health, sometimes having many babies close together can take too much of a toll on the mother and some time in between is needed.

So- as usual with NFP decisions, there are no easy answers, but talking it over with your spouse and a good priest is a good way to go about it.

[spero]

Originally Posted by Peppermint

Is this the March Catholic thread? Pretty slow, huh?

I was thinking I'd probably killed it.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Peppermint

IMO, the reasons for spacing and length need to be considered. I know some *very* conservative Catholic women who feel that using NFP to achieve the "natural" spacing that true Eco BFing would provide is acceptable- in other words, using NFP to space the children to close to 2.5-3 years apart would be ok in their opinion, with the reasoning that that is God's will for our bodies and our spacing.

There is also the consideration of a mother's mental health, sometimes having many babies close together can take too much of a toll on the mother and some time in between is needed.

So- as usual with NFP decisions, there are no easy answers, but talking it over with your spouse and a good priest is a good way to go about it.

I was originally thinking NFP just to space didn't make sense. (Aka why not use EBF?) Of course, experience lends more understanding. Since I got return to AF at 3 months PP, I think we need to use NFP to space. I figure my body is not being typical, so we have to use NFP to correct that to provide the baby with a solid breastfeeding relationship.

I'll talk to our priest about it too but was just wondering what fellow Catholics thought about it in general.

Thanks!

[JMJ]

I think that there are good reasons to want more space than BFing will give you. You mentioned some of the reasons yourself. Not everybody can EBF (which I consider a form of NFP. I have heard of an older couple who chose not to EBF so that they could have one more child before menopause.), and sometimes even if you do, your cycles come back before your family is ready for another child, and it may be the right thing to practice one of the fertility awareness forms of NFP to postpone another pregnancy.

I haven't personally had to deal with this yet since I'm still pregnant with my first (due any day now), and when my cycles return, my DH and I will have to pray and discuss how to cooperate with God's plan for our family. Ultimately, I think it will have a lot to do with meeting the needs of the child (or children) we already have. We'll have to do our best to answer the question of when would be the best time to give our child(ren) a sibling. Then, of course, we have to understand that it is in God's hands no matter what we do, and His timing is perfect.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by JMJ

I think that there are good reasons to want more space than BFing will give you. You mentioned some of the reasons yourself. Not everybody can EBF (which I consider a form of NFP. I have heard of an older couple who chose not to EBF so that they could have one more child before menopause.), and sometimes even if you do, your cycles come back before your family is ready for another child, and it may be the right thing to practice one of the fertility awareness forms of NFP to postpone another pregnancy.

I haven't personally had to deal with this yet since I'm still pregnant with my first (due any day now), and when my cycles return, my DH and I will have to pray and discuss how to cooperate with God's plan for our family. Ultimately, I think it will have a lot to do with meeting the needs of the child (or children) we already have. We'll have to do our best to answer the question of when would be the best time to give our child(ren) a sibling. Then, of course, we have to understand that it is in God's hands no matter what we do, and His timing is perfect.

What a good way to put it.

It's so hard to work through all this. You want to follow His Will, you want to provide for your family, you want to be healthy, plus other lesser but still important priorities such as education, careers, hobbies, etc...what a chaotic mess haha.

I find myself conflicted on this issue. The only reason I want to space children is to ensure a long and solid BF relationship for DD. I have a strong desire to TTC again and my period came back early despite eco-BF. Sure, we're young and have to budget, but we're not poor. We could probably add at least 2 more kids to the mix before needing a higher income. I did full time schooling and a full time job while pregnant, so I know it's feasible.

So I find myself worried that using NFP isn't warranted in our case.

[Emmom]

claddaghmom, read this article: http://www.ignatius.com/magazines/hprweb/bonilla.htm
It was eye-opening for me.
Emily

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Emmom

claddaghmom, read this article: http://www.ignatius.com/magazines/hprweb/bonilla.htm
It was eye-opening for me.
Emily

That's a very interesting read!

[Emmom]

Wow, you're a quick reader!
After I read this, I read through the vatican translation of the Humane Vitae, as the article talks about, which is available online at http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pa...-vitae_en.html . That should only take you a minute or two
This was all recommended to me by another Catholic mom when I had questions similar to yours. It was really helpful to me.
Emily

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Emmom

Wow, you're a quick reader!
After I read this, I read through the vatican translation of the Humane Vitae, as the article talks about, which is available online at http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pa...-vitae_en.html . That should only take you a minute or two
This was all recommended to me by another Catholic mom when I had questions similar to yours. It was really helpful to me.
Emily

The links you gave me are all close to my "mind" if that makes sense....meaning before marriage and babies I was very proNFP. I knew some people IRL who basically believed NOT trying to have babies at all times was sinful but I never saw it that way.

Anyways, I found it interesting that after having my baby, my "heart" is making me feel guilty for wanting to use NFP. And I've been using FAM since my teen years (purely for gynecological health).

I just don't know what to do. Sorting out whether it's God's influence, emotional desires, biological drives, etc... why I declare, I am going crazy.

[JMJ]

I think that God places on our hearts the desire to have babies. After all, they are such blessings, and what could be wrong with a desire for even more blessings? Certainly, such a desire can be God showing us His desire to bless us with another child, or we may feel this way because we see the beauty of God's blessings but have to accept that He is not calling us to participate at this time (or ever again).

I think it is a part of our vocational discernment. Just as before we got married and became parents, we had to discern whether God might be calling us to celibacy or marriage, now we have to discern how many children to have and in what timing. Celibacy and marriage are both wonderful vocations and many good people have struggled because they see the beauty of both vocations, but God does not call us to both simultaneously. In the same way, we may see good things about and even have desires toward having and not having a child right now, but God does not call us to have a child and not have a child at the same time.

This also makes it very difficult for others to help you to discern the right thing to do because it is not objectively immoral for a married couple to seek to achieve or avoid pregnancy (through moral means) but requires careful deliberation about your individual circumstances. Basically, I could not tell you if it is right or wrong for you and your husband to postpone pregnancy through NFP right now any more than I could tell you when you first started dating your husband that he was the one God was calling you to marry.

I think that we have to look both at our minds and our hearts when making these discernment decisions. Ignoring what you know in your mind or feel in your heart is dangerous. Rather, you need to reconcile your mind and heart. Pray to discern if the guilt you are feeling from God or not from God? If it is from God, then act on it. If it is not from God, then don't let it rule you. Also, this is not a decision for you to make alone. Your husband has a very important role, and honoring him in your decision making process is critical.

God bless you in your discernment.

[DiannaK]

JMJ,

That post was written beautifully!!:

[DiannaK]

this may have been posted before, but do you mommas have some favorite Catholic blogs???

I'll admit, I know am hooked on reading blogs .... I file them all away in Google reader, then when I have a few minutes, I read them ... while I;m nursing, waiting in line, etc.

Here are some of my favorites:

A Catholic Mom Climbing the Pillars


Behold Your Mother

Conversion Diary

Amy Welborn, at Via Media

Ask Sister Mary Martha

Just another day of Catholic Pondering

[moonshoes]

HI mamas, just subbing. I've been away from MDC for awhile for various reasons, but I'm back and glad to see all of you here.:

[JMJ]

Originally Posted by DiannaK

JMJ,

That post was written beautifully!!:

Thanks.

[JMJ]

Prayers please

Today is my due date! Please pray for me for peace as I await the birth of my daughter, strength to endure whatever labor brings, and grace for both DH and me as we begin this next stage of parenting. Also, if any of you have anything that I can pray for you for during my labor, please feel free to post or PM me.