My mom will be here in an hour

[Juliacat]

This is her first visit since I got pregnant. I don't know the baby's gender but I'm sure she will bring it up.

Repeat to self: My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion. My child's genitals are not up for discussion.

Anyone else feel like I do?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Sounds like a great plan

It came up a lot with my mom and she didnt want to listen so I just started saying "it is there because God put it there and I am not cutting on my baby's genitals"

[latinalonestar]

Be momma bear!

[PuppyFluffer]

Remember, it takes two to engage in arguement. Don't take the bait. Don't jump on the hook. Just smile and move along to a different topic. You can do it. You have a beautiful smile.

[ElliesMomma]

yup- your child's genitals are not up for discussion, and don't even say that phrase out loud. i personally can't imagine a mother trying to talk you into circumsizing, but if it happened to me, i'd wrinkle up my nose, like "i can't believe you are saying this," cringe a little, maybe show an embarassed laugh, raise my eyebrows, and reply, "that's a little too personal don't you think?" if she continued, i'd only reply that it's something for only you and your husband to discuss.

like PP said, don't take any bait. you can do it!

[missbuns]

just say you have better things to talk about? i mean, don't you? really, the baby's health/birth/whatever is so much more important...

you don't even know the gender, why would you even be discussing it??

[savvybabygrace]

Originally Posted by Juliacat

This is her first visit since I got pregnant. I don't know the baby's gender but I'm sure she will bring it up.

Anyone else feel like I do?

Yep, I sure do!!

My MIL was here for 4 days (4 days too long if you ask me), left last night. I'm expecting a lot of BS from her about circ because she has a strong opinion about everything and is a nurse. I actually wanted to have the discussion during this visit because it's the last time we'll see her before our Reid is born. I left out the most recent DONA magazine with info about circ, and mentioned how dh got the page a little wet...but nothing came of it. She was awake down here alone for quite some time so I'm hoping she did see and maybe read it.

I guess dh will be talking over the phone with her about it if she asks - whether it be now or after Reid is born (late June/early July-ish). I'm not allowing anyone to come visit until August but I will refuse to discuss it after my son is born. I know with my history of PPD I will be a sea of emotion and hormones and will be in NO condition to calmly tell anyone that my son's genitals are not up for discussion. It's such a highly charged topic for me that I know I'll snap.

So I'm gonna let dh have the talk with MIL. He's such an intactavist that I know he can handle it in a calm and thorough manner.

But yeah, mama, I know how you feel.

[Greg B]

If she can't quite, have her read this

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...yStatement.pdf

before you discuss it further with her. It is the medical communities evaluation of RIC (at least one segment's) and goes into a good discussion of the major issues and support for them. It includes extensive references.

Best wishes

[Ron_Low]

I don't agree with the "change the subject" approach. Engage.

If she brings up something you don't have a snappy answer for, say "I saw something about that one on the internet. Let me look it up so we can talk about it tomorrow."

[missbuns]

just make it clear it's a non-issue, then change the subject. i don't see why discussing an unborn, ungendered child's possible penis with grandma is something to get worked up about. waste of energy, especially if it's a girl.

to me it's a non-brainer, but i live in a country where it's not done. so it's no big deal, no one acts like it's a big deal, end of story.

i would just be like "it's pretty simple: this is how he is born, and i want him complete. so what do you think of this pattern for a newborn hat?"

[Fyrestorm]

My response before I knew DD was a girl was to crinkle up my nose, look disgusted and say "eewww mutilated penises are gross"

ETA: If she brings up that your DH is 'cut' just respond "yeah, we're looking into fixing what you did to him" That should about cover it! She may not talk to you for the rest of the visit, but that might not be a bad thing?

[hakunangovi]

I think that if she does bring the subject up, it would be a perfect opportunity for you to educate her. Refusing to talk about it just puts you on the defensive. One line that I have used is something along the lines of "Every male mammal on earth is born with a foreskin - do you really think nature made a mistake with humans?". I have never recieved an answer to that !!

[hakunangovi]

Fyrestorm, your response cracked me up - wouldn't I like to be a fly on the wall to observe the response to that !!!

[bubbamummy]

I had the same thing, but with my MIL. I told her it wasnt done in England - for a reason and Sam is half English. Dh has engaged in many arguments with her about why she had him done (he wishes he wasnt) so now she doesnt dare bring it up

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by hakunangovi

Fyrestorm, your response cracked me up - wouldn't I like to be a fly on the wall to observe the response to that !!!

It shut my MIL up...especially the fixing what you did to dh part! How do you possibly respond to that?

oh..this is the same woman who knew (and saw) long before I was pregnant that I had 5 no circ bumper stickers on my car.

[becca_howell]

I TOTALLY feel you! My mom has been very disapproving of our decision not to circ DS. She even tried to "talk some sense into" DH one night when I was asleep. He basically laughed at her. She still brings it up and DS is 1 month old! I'm sure it will come up with subsequent pregnancies, but I'll just smile and say, "I want all of my sons intact."

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

My response before I knew DD was a girl was to crinkle up my nose, look disgusted and say "eewww mutilated penises are gross"

ETA: If she brings up that your DH is 'cut' just respond "yeah, we're looking into fixing what you did to him" That should about cover it! She may not talk to you for the rest of the visit, but that might not be a bad thing?

My MIL totally regrets having dh circed. My mother doesn't have a son but thinks circumcision is medically necessary. And, engaging her will just lead to a horrible screaming knock-down drag-out like happened the last time she was pregnant. Not something I want to do again.

[Treece]

I have never really discussed this with any grandparents until after the birth. I mean WAY after birth. With my oldest, I didn't discuss it until he was about 2 or 3 mo. His grandma was very pro intact and admitted that she prayed we wouldn't circ him. With ds2, I have never discussed it with his grandma, but she told his father that she wishes we had. I asked him if he had told her how he felt about his circ (he is unhappy).

It seems to me that most men when they learn that something huge is missing and how it is done are angry. That to me is reason enough to leave it alone.

Of course, you could try humor. "Yeah, we will circ....if it's a girl." Watch her face. Then ask why it is sooooo wrong for girls but the only right thing for boys.