I planned on CLW but it didn't really work out that way...

[happyhearts]

I don't post here too often but I could really use some advice/encouragement. My ds is 4.2 and was down to nursing a couple of times a week before bed. I knew that there was little to no milk there b/c I would ask him and he would tell me. My motive in asking him was to get him thinking about how there was not any left. I had been wanting to wean him for a while but also wanted to continue w/ CLW. I got pg w/ #2 and had VERY sore breasts & nipples which really motivated me to push the weaning. I ended up having a talk w/ him about how when children grow up they do not need to nurse anymore and that since there was no milk left it mean that he didn't need it anymore. He was fine with that and hasn't asked for it since. Problem is, I feel very guilty. I didn't expect him to accept that explanation and never ask for it again. After over 4 years of nursing, I ended it like that. So it wasn't really the CLW that I had planned on. Do you think I should talk to him about it and see how he feels? Should I let him know that he can nurse if he needs to? (even though I know it will hurt) Or should I not try to confuse him and just ignore it? Or talk to him but not give him the offer to nurse? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but I feel really bad.

[boatbaby]

You nursed for 4+ years AND you're pregnant -- don't beat yourself up! You sound like a very sweet mama and I am sure if your little one wanted more, he'd let ya know. Plus, once the baby comes he may show interest again (esp with all that newborn milk flowing!)

I say congratulate yourself for 4 milky years of love!

[TiredX2]

I consider DD to have weaned at 4 years, 2 months. She actually last tried to nurse when she was around 5 years, 4 months. I partially nightweaned her while I was pg with DS (DD was almost 32 months when he was born) and placed limits on her after that that I really regretted. I felt when she weaned *was* influenced by my pregnancy and having another child.

Why I spelled all that out is... I really understand having a child wean at 4 years, 2 months and feeling like you have failed in some way. I think it might be even harder to put so much time and effort into it and have it not work out, then if the child ended up weaning much earlier. Because I still have these feelings 6 years later (I don't dwell on it, but I will probably always feel like I "cheated" DD out of a true CLW) I would really encourage you to deal with it now.

At the very least I would talk to DS. I might just mention how he hasn't nursed in a while and ask how he feels about that. DD went to preschool when she was 3.75 (co-op, with a parent for 1 out of 2 days a week. Only 2.5 hours for each of those two days). Anyway, she finally acclimated and it seemed to be going really well. She started in September and the next spring DP & I decided to pull her out. I was really afraid to tell her and when I did... she was so relieved. She revealed that she was still really missing me at preschool and would rather not go. Just because she seemed happy with the situation didn't mean she was and once she was offered a change she jumped on it. When she was really ready to go to school and got acclimated, I have offered her to homeschool again and she has never wanted to. Because this time she was ready for it and SHE wanted it.

DS might laugh and say he's all grown up now and of course he doesn't want to nurse anymore. He might start crying and say he misses it so much and it is so important to him. You don't know until you ask. If he says the first, you can go onward with a light and happy heart knowing he was truly ready and just needed you to let him know that weaning was an option too. If he says he still wants to nurse, well, you'll know that too. And you can make a decision from there (even if you allow him to try to nurse, there is a chance he will no longer know how).

Good luck

[happyhearts]

Thank you for your responses!

OK so I asked him if he missed nursing and he said "yeah, I wish I could stay a baby." Then later I mentioned that he had not nursed in a while and asked how he felt about it and he said "Good. In fact, I don't need (to nurse) anymore." I was surprised and blurted out "why?' and he answered " because there is only a little bit there and I wish there was a lot there." Then he kept right on playing.

Hmm....

So WDYT???

[Rikki Jean]

I'd say that sounds like CLW to me!

Originally Posted by boatbaby

You nursed for 4+ years AND you're pregnant -- don't beat yourself up! You sound like a very sweet mama and I am sure if your little one wanted more, he'd let ya know. Plus, once the baby comes he may show interest again (esp with all that newborn milk flowing!)

I say congratulate yourself for 4 milky years of love!

that:

[MommaShark]

I'm laughing because I've tried that talk with my 3 1/4 year old and it hasn't worked - he still tells me when he NEEDS it - I'll ask him if he can wait or tell him just a few seconds because it hurts (I'm preg)...but at least once a day he NEEDS it - oh well - glad it worked for you and it sounds like CLW to me! He would let you know if he still needed it......I just offered some to mine because he's not going down for a nap - he said no - now he won't sleep!!! Oh well. CONGRATULATIONS on going so long!!! Don't worry about it! He sounds like a very confident/happy/self assured kid.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by happyhearts

Thank you for your responses!

OK so I asked him if he missed nursing and he said "yeah, I wish I could stay a baby." Then later I mentioned that he had not nursed in a while and asked how he felt about it and he said "Good. In fact, I don't need (to nurse) anymore." I was surprised and blurted out "why?' and he answered " because there is only a little bit there and I wish there was a lot there." Then he kept right on playing.

Hmm....

So WDYT???

Oh my goodness, this coupled with your first post says to me he was ready - all you did was nudge him. Seriously, if he still needed it, he would NOT have stopped that easily! You did GREAT by him and I only hope that if I decide to less-than-CLW, it goes so well! Kinda wish I'd thought to tell my DS the same thing when my milk disappeared during this pregnancy.