S/O--how do you make it clear when inviting kids to a birthday party that you are not...

[momtoS]

I am SHOCKED that people drop their children off for birthday parties, especially those in school and the parents don't know the family.

My daughter isn't turning 5 for a while, but I am wondering how I could make it clear that I am having a party, but I am going to busy with dd1 and dd2 and will not be able to supervise other kids?

Thanks

[zeldamomma]

How can you host a party if you're too busy with your own children to pay attention to your guests? If you don't feel you can devote attention to kids beyond your own, I wouldn't have a party. If you just want a hand caring for more kids, either host some kind of event where you clearly are inviting families, or ask a friend to help out during the party.

ZM

[limabean]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

If you just want a hand caring for more kids, either host some kind of event where you clearly are inviting families, or ask a friend to help out during the party.

ZM

I thought that's what the OP was asking: how to make it clear on the invitation that families (or at least the invitee + a parent) are expected to come, rather than just dropping off their kids.

OP, I've seen good ideas for wording for this here before, but of course I can't remember it right now!

[rainbowmoon]

maybe you can invite less kids or have a family only party?

[PassionateWriter]

im sorry, i dont want ppl to just drop their kids off at my house for birthday parties. i dont get that mentality. i have had a lot of issues with wanting to stay with my sons during birth day parties (apparently most parents would drop them off and leave..i dont feel good doing that, esp. to homes that i dont know the families).

i think its pretty easy. Just make it clear that little Johnny is invited to teh party...and parents are please expected to remain with their young children.

i could never host a party where 20 5 year olds come and all the parents leave. who could? that would be total chaos for me (we also have an in ground pool which is of course fenced but still...i wouldnt allow for that many kids to be in my home w/o their parents).

do i just live in another world? Lol!

[RufusBeans]

you can address the invitation to "The ThompsonFamily" instead of "Martha Thompson" Of course you'd get siblings too if you did that. You could do "Mrs. Thompson and Martha" or "Mr & Mrs Thompson and Martha"

[Llyra]

I would address the invitations to "Johnny Jones and a parent." Put it both on the envelope AND inside the invitation, and if people call to RSVP, ask them, "how many will be attending?" I think that should be enough to make it clear. DD1 has had birthday invitations that were just like that, and it was enough to make it clear to me that I was expected to stay.

[mamalisa]

I would probably just invite fewer kids, only what I could handle. I think it's fine if parents want to stay, but I wouldn't assume that they were going to stay once the kids are school age.\

But if my ds has a party to go to, I'm practially dumping him out of the car so I can have some alone time!

[limabean]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

I think it's fine if parents want to stay, but I wouldn't assume that they were going to stay once the kids are school age.

I agree, but just-turning-5 isn't quite school age, IMO. For a 5th birthday, I'd try to make it clear on the invitation that parents are invited as well.

[greeny]

I would probably just invite fewer kids, only what I could handle. I think it's fine if parents want to stay, but I wouldn't assume that they were going to stay once the kids are school age.

I totally agree.

You could also hire a mother's helper or babysitter to help you run games and keep an eye out for the kids.

But to me it's normal and acceptable for kids to be dropped off for bday parties around the age of 5.

[mags]

For my son's 5 yr bday party last month I wrote on the invitation, "THIS IS NOT A DROP OFF BDAY PARTY, PARENTS ARE INVITED AND WELCOME." We did ours at a carrousel, so it was a public place and no way could I keep track of all the kids who attended and have to try to worry about kids who were ok or not ok riding the carrosel w/o a parent standing next to them, etc.. I see no problem being blunt, b/c I have heard a lot of parents complaining online about ppl just ditching their kids at bday parties...

[zeldamomma]

Originally Posted by limabean

I thought that's what the OP was asking: how to make it clear on the invitation that families (or at least the invitee + a parent) are expected to come, rather than just dropping off their kids.

OP, I've seen good ideas for wording for this here before, but of course I can't remember it right now!

I guess I'm responding to the attitude of the OP-- being a host means that you pay attention to your guests. If you can't be bothered to pay attention to other people's children, you shouldn't invite them over. Hosting a party is more than picking a place and setting out food, IMO.

ZM

[chaimom]

When my boys were 5, I knew all the parents of the kids who invited them to parties and we almost always had family parties. Occassionally they were drop off parties, and the parents usually had one or two helpers or grandparents there to assist. If you want it to be a family party, I think you need to just say so. But by 5, many kids are ready to be dropped off and can cooperate with the parents holding the party as long as you have someone else there to help you.

I do think parents have varying expectations regarding parties. For instance, my 6 yo was invited by a kid in his class (at the beginning of the year, so we didn't know him or any of the other kids) to a swimming party and the parents told me to drop him off, or that I could come and pay my own admission. (I paid my way.) My son is an excellent swimmer, but he still needs to be supervised. It turns out those parents didn't even get in the water with the kids and were just relying on the lifeguards. I really don't care for how thoughtless they were about the party and I surely won't accept another invitation from them. And then there's the invite my 3 yo dd just got-- they wanted me to drop her off because their house wasn't big enough for a lot of parents. Um... NO! I don't know them and don't really know the birthday girl except from preschool drop offs and pick ups. If their house isn't big enough for me, they shouldn't invite us! Three is too young for a drop off unless its a relative, IMHO. I think by 5 it's OK depending on the circumstance. And a swimming party? No way. Maybe if they're 10 and it's the swim team!

[SuzyLee]

The way I've seen it done is to ask the mom or dad of your child's closest friend to help you at the party.

I agree that at age 5 most parents expect they will be dropping their child off.

[prettypixels]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

I guess I'm responding to the attitude of the OP-- being a host means that you pay attention to your guests. If you can't be bothered to pay attention to other people's children, you shouldn't invite them over. Hosting a party is more than picking a place and setting out food, IMO.

ZM

Well but there is a difference between "paying attention to" guests and "being responsible for" guests, isn't there?

[EviesMom]

The key to doing this politely IMO is to not say "parents should stay to supervise their own kids!!!" It is to *invite* the parents too. You can address the invites to the whole family "the Andersons" instead of the kid. And you can put on the invite something like "Bring the family to celebrate so-n-so's x birthday with us" Make it clear that you want to entertain and invite the grown ups too (because people who have drop off parties do not want to enterain the grown ups and younger siblings etc.) by saying "beer and cake for the grownups and cake and juice for the kids" or "tea/coffee for the grownups and cake for the kids."

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

The way I've seen it done is to ask the mom or dad of your child's closest friend to help you at the party.

I agree that at age 5 most parents expect they will be dropping their child off.

i guess i do live in an alternate universe then. :

[egoldber]

A good friend always has a pool party for her kids' birthdays and says "Bring a towel and a grown up!" on the invite.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

I guess I'm responding to the attitude of the OP-- being a host means that you pay attention to your guests. If you can't be bothered to pay attention to other people's children, you shouldn't invite them over. Hosting a party is more than picking a place and setting out food, IMO.

ZM

I think knowing whether parents will be attending just allows you to plan a different type of party. A pool party wouldn't be appropriate with 15 kids and 1 adult, but it could be fun if each kid had a parent with them. And 5 is one of those in-between ages where some parents might plan to drop off and some parents might plan to attend, so my interpretation was that the OP was just looking for advice on how to make it clear that her DD's party would be the parent-in-tow type -- I didn't pick up on any attitude.

So far my DS's parties (he's 4) have all been the type that parents attended (mostly because they're all close friends of ours), so I can foresee myself needing a little help transitioning to the drop-off type of party when he turns 5 or 6.

[sunnmama]

There are a lot of good ideas here.

Personally, I might not be able to bring my dd to a party if I am expected to stay but her younger brother is not invited--so that is another consideration. If you are expecting a parent to stay, they may need to bring siblings along.

But, honestly, I agree that the simplest thing is to keep the party small--just a couple close friends in the backyard, for example.

If there is a pool involved, I am staying for certain-whether I am invited to stay or not! Now that dd is in second grade, the "at home" parties have been drop-off, but with the "destination parties" (roller rink, for example) parents tend to stick around without prompting.