Did I chase away my in laws? - Page 2

[Calee]

Oh man, I can TOTALLY relate!!!

I think my in-laws entered grandparenting with some big time expectations. This was their first grandchild, and I believe that THEY believed they would be an extension of us.... like, a second set of parents.

They, too, have talked since before he was born about "being alone with him" and taking him for the weekend. They are OBSESSED with having him to themselves, but do NOTHING in our prescence to build a relationship with him, or to make him (or us) at all comfortable with them having such an involved role.

So, instead of working on that relationship in a place where he is comfortable (his own home), they just don't do anything. Their way or nothing.

It really IS sad, but if they are not willing to build a relationship with my son on HIS turf, or in an age-appropriate way, I am not going to just ship him off for "Alone time" with people who have basically made themselves strangers to him.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Calee

Oh man, I can TOTALLY relate!!!

I think my in-laws entered grandparenting with some big time expectations. This was their first grandchild, and I believe that THEY believed they would be an extension of us.... like, a second set of parents.

They, too, have talked since before he was born about "being alone with him" and taking him for the weekend. They are OBSESSED with having him to themselves, but do NOTHING in our prescence to build a relationship with him, or to make him (or us) at all comfortable with them having such an involved role.

So, instead of working on that relationship in a place where he is comfortable (his own home), they just don't do anything. Their way or nothing.

It really IS sad, but if they are not willing to build a relationship with my son on HIS turf, or in an age-appropriate way, I am not going to just ship him off for "Alone time" with people who have basically made themselves strangers to him.

Amen mama. That about sums it all up for me.

[seeingeyecat]

Originally Posted by Calee

Oh man, I can TOTALLY relate!!!


It really IS sad, but if they are not willing to build a relationship with my son on HIS turf, or in an age-appropriate way, I am not going to just ship him off for "Alone time" with people who have basically made themselves strangers to him.

It's amazing to me that people assume that just because people are blood related they have a greater capacity to love each other right away. Unrelated to my in laws, a family member my daughter met for the first time last summer thought she would take to her immediately: "Because we're kin!" This woman seemed over confident, loud, and smelly to my daughter, who would not go within a few feet of her. By the end of the meal they were making funny faces together - but why do people assume they'll make an impact or form an insta-bond with a kid without putting in the necessary time to get to know them? We dont assume we'll love our new coworkers to neighbors without a bit of awkward sniffing each other out. Most kids need that same space.