Dh wants to get a vasectomy, pronto. In the rational, reasonable part of me, I know it's the "right" thing for us to do. Ds2 was a surprise, and the other two are so much older that it's been a big (but fun) adjustment going back to babyland. Dh is positive 3 kids is enough for him, but he was positive 2 was enough and he's all gooey over this little guy, more than ever before. And he's a better father than ever before, which makes him look all sexy to me. . . I really, really thought I'd feel "done" after 3. And sometimes I do. During labour I did, for sure! When ds2 hasn't let me put him down all day and there's a mountain of stuff to do and multiple people and animals all needing my attention, I certainly do. But then when he smiles at me or gazes sweetly into my eyes while he's nursing I feel sad that he's going to be our last baby, and maybe, maybe we should have just one more. . . Crazy talk, right? As an only child myself, my desire to have so many kids is a surprise even to me.
On the no more side, I think: 3 kids is a "big family" in our community, and I do want time for each of them, and our house is full already, and it's not cheap raising kids, and dh and I both want time to do some stuff for ourselves before we get old. Also I'm really not sure I could be the kind of parent I want to be if we had another - 4 kids does seem kind of overwhelming. I worry that ds2 will be left out in some ways, though, being so much younger than the older ones - but I feel like I'm getting too old to have much of a gap between them if we did want have another. Too many factors to weigh!
I don't know what to about birth control. I can't do the pill - did it for too long when I was younger, just doesn't make me feel right. Tried a diaphragm, hated the jelly. Had a copper IUD - for a year, until I nearly died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (one tube removed, nearly lost an ovary). Scary. Won't do that again. The Mirena creeps me out, but I'm pretty anti IUD now, so I just can't have anything like that in me again. Condoms + NFP done badly are how we ended up with ds2. So, I'm kind of stumped. Guess I'll probably accept dh's choice and let go of my baby-having time of life. With some sadness, yes, but also much gladness and gratitude for my 3 lovely, healthy LO's. Conflicted and sleep deprived and rambling, anyone?