Dh wants to get a vasectomy, pronto. In the rational, reasonable part of me, I know it's the "right" thing for us to do. Ds2 was a surprise, and the other two are so much older that it's been a big (but fun) adjustment going back to babyland. Dh is positive 3 kids is enough for him, but he was positive 2 was enough and he's all gooey over this little guy, more than ever before. And he's a better father than ever before, which makes him look all sexy to me. . . I really, really thought I'd feel "done" after 3. And sometimes I do. During labour I did, for sure! When ds2 hasn't let me put him down all day and there's a mountain of stuff to do and multiple people and animals all needing my attention, I certainly do. But then when he smiles at me or gazes sweetly into my eyes while he's nursing I feel sad that he's going to be our last baby, and maybe, maybe we should have just one more. . . Crazy talk, right? As an only child myself, my desire to have so many kids is a surprise even to me.
On the no more side, I think: 3 kids is a "big family" in our community, and I do want time for each of them, and our house is full already, and it's not cheap raising kids, and dh and I both want time to do some stuff for ourselves before we get old. Also I'm really not sure I could be the kind of parent I want to be if we had another - 4 kids does seem kind of overwhelming. I worry that ds2 will be left out in some ways, though, being so much younger than the older ones - but I feel like I'm getting too old to have much of a gap between them if we did want have another. Too many factors to weigh!
I don't know what to about birth control. I can't do the pill - did it for too long when I was younger, just doesn't make me feel right. Tried a diaphragm, hated the jelly. Had a copper IUD - for a year, until I nearly died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (one tube removed, nearly lost an ovary). Scary. Won't do that again. The Mirena creeps me out, but I'm pretty anti IUD now, so I just can't have anything like that in me again. Condoms + NFP done badly are how we ended up with ds2. So, I'm kind of stumped. Guess I'll probably accept dh's choice and let go of my baby-having time of life. With some sadness, yes, but also much gladness and gratitude for my 3 lovely, healthy LO's. Conflicted and sleep deprived and rambling, anyone?
Boohoo! Oh well, we're planning on getting pregnant again before too long. We're just planning on doing NFP until we're ready again. I'm not thrilled with getting back on the pill and I don't want to do anything for long term or that will mess up my BF supply.
My body is so out of whack from lack of sleep that I don't think I'd be able to do it correctly right now anyway. I ended up getting the Mirena IUD. So far so good. Eventually we'll do something more permanent, either DH or me or both of us.
