see, i think the reason it bugs me is twofold. First, it implies familiarity, and I have kind of bizarre social standards. I don't like people who get too close or even act too close.
second, I am NOT a miss. I am a grown woman with a large and growing family. I feel like I deserve the respect of Ma'am. (I don't find it old or matronly at all, not in the least - I find it very respectful.)
As far as Miss Firstname - as a child I grew up as the only white kid in an African American neighborhood. All us kids called each other's parents by Mr and Miss Firstname. When we moved to the suburbs, no one called each other that. It might be a cultural thing as well as regional. I wouldn't mind one bit if a child called me Miss Rose. The kids at my daughter's school call me Mrs. Dd'sname.
But an adult calling another adult Miss just comes across rude to me.
To the OP - I noticed in your signature you identify as Quaker. I attend a Quaker meeting (not a member yet) and my understanding is that Quakers do not believe in titles of "respect" - as everyone is supposed to be completely equal and on the same level. In practice I think they use them as needed (i.e., in public school my son must call his teacher Mrs. Lastname) but otherwise everyone is/should be on a first name basis, even if you don't know them very well (i.e., someone you just met). I guess I have never asked what Quakers call others if they don't know their name. I'll have to ask someone next week at meeting.