Really trying hard to understand a situation **May be triggering**

[tayndrewsmama]

I am very worried about something going on with someone very close to me. This person's ex 'was' pregnant with his child.

Today she called him and said that her doc said her pregnancy wasn't viable. The baby is growing normally, but the placenta isn't. Was given a 'pill' to expel the fetus. Apparently after this, she was sent to the hospital and they removed the placenta and gave her a shot to move it. Don't really know what 'it' is.

Then she was sent home with no placenta and the fetus still inside of her to pass in a non-invasive way. She was told that she should go back to the doc in 24 hours if it doesn't pass.

She told the father some of these things after it all happened. The other things were told when she was questioned about details.

She was 21 weeks.

There is a whole lot of this that does not sound right to me at all. I can't find anything to support this method of dealing with something like this. Nor can I understand how a normally progressing baby has a placenta that is not growing. I am very confused.


ETA: Doesn't this sound insanely dangerous?

[mrsbabycakes]

I worked in OB for 3 years and I've never heard of anything like that. They wouldn't go in to remove a placenta and leave the fetus there, as far as I've witnessed. Especially to pass on her own at home... that's horrid.

Sounds fishy to me. It's possible she may have terminated and decided to make up a story. I don't know.

Not sure what advice to give, here. I hope your friend gets to the bottom of whatever is going on. I think he has a right to know what happened to his child.

[tayndrewsmama]

Oh no specific advice necessary. I am just looking for other's thoughts on what has been said about the events and that's exactly what you gave me. Thank you.

I am trying to determine if this is more of big lie or someone who is truly receiving horrible medical care and needs help.

[maemaemama]

i don't know. but i do know that it's not easy giving birth to a child at 21 weeks and doubt anyone would be sent home to do it without the care of a dr., nurse or midwife to help with the labor and delivery.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by maemaemama

i don't know. but i do know that it's not easy giving birth to a child at 21 weeks and doubt anyone would be sent home to do it without the care of a dr., nurse or midwife to help with the labor and delivery.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[zinemama]

That sounds totally made up.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by zinemama

That sounds totally made up.

Yeah. Or like she doesn't know what she's talking about? Missed quite a few of the important details perhaps? I've been amazed at how little people question doctors. My MIL had a total hysterectomy, but has no idea why.

[expatmommy]

As someone who has had a loss at a similar gestation, this is an incredibly hard post to read here on the loss board.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by expatmommy

As someone who has had a loss at a similar gestation, this is an incredibly hard post to read here on the loss board.

I am sorry. I didn't know where to post it. I don't know how to help them.

Where would be a better place to post about a loss then?

[MoonStarFalling]

It doesn't sound right at all. Perhaps she's misunderstood the doctors or perhaps she's making something up. In any case. They really don't like to let people give birth at home in the second trimester because there is a greater risk of hemorrhage than first and third tri births. That's what I've read anyway. I tried hard to go home but the hospital wouldn't let me.

[dogmom327]

That doesn't sound right. I think there is either some info that is missing (that OP wasn't given) or the pregnant woman is making up a story. At least around here, I believe any pregnancy after 20 weeks has to be recorded as a death (although I could be wrong and maybe it's different with an purposeful termination rather than a miscarriage). I can't fathom they would send her home to give birth. I know women who have chosen to stay home and birth in the case of miscarriages at that stage (and I would do the same) but I don't see a doctor suggesting that since they are normally anti-homebirth of any type. It just sounds very fishy.

[mysticmomma]

molar pregnancy?

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

I am sorry. I didn't know where to post it. I don't know how to help them.

Where would be a better place to post about a loss then?

Maybe the birth professionals forum? To get a professional perspective?

[jeliphish]

made up

[3pink1blue]

no, def. not molar. i've had one of those, it's treated with a D&C or D&E depending on what the situation is. (for me it was D&C, mine was a complete mole with no embryo, caught in the 1T.)

sounds made up to me, or maybe she isn't nearly 21 weeks and terminated, and said the rest to sound legit(?) To use the pill to terminate you have to be less than 8 weeks (or maybe 9) either way you have to be really early.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by maemaemama

i don't know. but i do know that it's not easy giving birth to a child at 21 weeks and doubt anyone would be sent home to do it without the care of a dr., nurse or midwife to help with the labor and delivery.

yeah, that. that is the part that really gets me... you don't just get "sent home" after having a pacenta surgically removed in order to expell a rather large fetus. some, like myself, my choose to miscarry unassisted - but that is a FAR cry from an semi-abortive hospital situation!!

and how exactly does one grow a healthy fetus when the placenta isn't working? that's like saying "I'm perfectly healthy but my heart isn't working so the doctor took it out and sent me home to die". um...

I don't know what to tell you about the relationship end - but as far as the details you're provided - it seems impossible to me.

[Thystle]

My first thoughts:




1.) She is lying and was never pregnant.



2.) She is lying and she is STILL pregnant and wants your friend to think the baby is gone so she doesn't have to deal with him anymore.



3.) She is or was pg and it was not your friend's baby and she doesn't want to get caught in the lie about cheating.



Any of those three shows someone who is not mentally stable... you need to warn your friend!!!!

Tell him to ask to speak to the doctor or see some proof. Ask her to take a pg test. And get a DNA paternity test done if there is still a baby.

[Thystle]

Remember if it is "his " baby he has rights to speak to a doc and know what is going on too!

[maxmama]

Originally Posted by Thystle

Remember if it is "his " baby he has rights to speak to a doc and know what is going on too!

No, he doesn't.

Until a fetus is born and he has established parental rights, he does not have any rights. Under HIPAA, unless she specifically permits it, he has no access to her medical records.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Yeah, the whole thing sounds fishy. I don't even know how it would be possible to remove the placenta at that stage of pregnancy without removing the baby. I thought that if you were that far along, they would induce labor to expell the fetus (I could be wrong about that).

And if the baby was growing, why wouldn't they put her on hospital bedrest, try to get the baby to hang on for a few more weeks and do the injections for the lungs, then it would be more of a really early preemie situation? It just doesn't seem like the type of thing that they would terminate a pregnancy for at this point, being so close to viability.