For Parents Who Stay...

[ChetMC]

For parents who stay with their kids at birthday parties why do you do it? Also, I'd be interested to know if you've seen things happen at parties that made you confident that leaving would have the absolute wrong thing to do.

I honestly can't imagine staying just to watch six little girls make princess crowns and wands, play musical chairs, eat cake, open gifts, discuss which Disney princess has the prettiest dress, and collect loot bags. For backyard BBQs, casual play date type parties I can understand. But now that we're into the birthday parties that follow the activity, game, entertainment, food, gift opening script I can't imagine staying.

I'm wondering if we need to rethink this.

[2xy]

Well, to be honest, my kids have never been to a birthday party involving children whose parents weren't also friends of mine. We've lived in close-knit military communities and have homeschooled for most of their lives, so....their friends' parents almost always become my friends.

So, I stayed a) because the parents were my friends and wanted my company and/or help, and b) because I enjoyed watching the birthday happenings.

[pink gal]

I know someone who was molested by an uncle at a birthday party. I stay only if it is a family that I don't know well.

[anj7]

I stayed at a recent party for DD2, a 4yr old party. It turned out at the party that she only knew the bday girl (the other girl who was supposed to be there that she knew was ill). So my DD2 suddenly felt quite shy. I stayed to help her feel comfortable.

Our DD1 was also on the quieter side when she was 3 and 4 yrs old, so we (DH or myself) stayed at a party at her request. We wanted her to experience parties and enjoy herself. In order for that to happen, one of us had to stay.

Also the majority of parties out here at a public location, not in someone's home. I feel more comfortable staying with my 3 year old when the party is at a bowling alley, rock cllimbing gym, etc. Now, my 6 yr old, I can leave her alone, unless it's a very busy public place (like a Chuck E Cheese).

[nextcommercial]

If my dd was very comfortable in that particular setting, I would TOTALLY leave her. I would practically run.

But, if it was a large group that she didn't know, I would stay just because my dd didn't make friends easily. She always had friends, but she didn't make them on her own, and a large group would have eaten her alive.

I have never seen anything bad happen at a party. I have known a few friends who's sons did something stupid and got hurt at a party, but those boys were older.. about 11-ish.

[Viola]

If I were to stay at a party like you described with children in the 3 and 4 year old range, it would be because my daughter wanted me to stay, or the parent wanted me to stay. I would probably have to help my child of that age with a craft. It's not that I would want to stay, it's just that I couldn't leave my older daughter alone at that age. Also, depending on how long the drive was, it might just be easier to stay.

My younger daughter, who is 5 now, has been going to the parties of classmates for the past year, and even though she doesn't have separation problems, I've had to stay at pretty much every one, I guess to kind of supervise my own child. We've been both to public play places and once to a private home for parties, and basically the parents just stayed and waited for the children to be done. If it had been in my neighborhood, I would have gone home, but it was a bit of a drive.

[tinuviel_k]

I stay because at her current age (4-6) I think it is too much for one or two adults to handle 15 children alone. Also, I am friends with many of the parents so we get to hang out and socialize while the kids are having fun.

For Denali's fifth birthday tis year we had her party at a rock climbing gym. I was sure glad most of the parents stayed! It would have been difficult to supervise all the kids even with the two staff members that were there to belay and assist. Doable, sure, but it would not have been nearly as fun.

[Ceili]

Originally Posted by 2xy

Well, to be honest, my kids have never been to a birthday party involving children whose parents weren't also friends of mine.

:

My kid's friends are the kids of my friends, so usually I'm looking forward to the party as much as ds is. Around here, at my ds's age, scripted parties are not the norm, parties are more like extended playdates with better food and more adults not less (dads usually come along too).

[tatermom]

DS1 hasn't gotten into parties like you are describing yet. All the 4 year old parties that he has gone to have been like playdates and very unstructured, and ALL the parents at his party stayed, even the parents of his new preschool friends that we only knew casually (so they were not staying just because the adults were our friends, too). I expect those types of parties to start more at age 5 or 6. I would only be comfortable leaving if DS was comfortable and if we knew the family well-- maybe in another year or two.

[spero]

I have to stay at b'day parties with my youngest, b/c she's diabetic and I have to help her with counting carbs and stuff.

I hate it, when it's a family I don't know or barely know. I'm a total fifth wheel; and the parents not only have to host the party but make me comfortable, as well. I try to just stay out of the way, but it's terribly awkward.

I attended b'day parties with my son until he was about 8 or so - he's on the spectrum and had a lot of social and sensory disorders. A big group of kids was difficult for him to manage on his own, back in the day.

[Alyantavid]

My kids mostly go to parties of people we know well. So I stay to hang out with them or if its a public place (lately its been the bowling alley or Hop2It) and I'm not comfortable leaving them.

[ChetMC]

Less Kids

Originally Posted by tinuviel_k

I stay because at her current age (4-6) I think it is too much for one or two adults to handle 15 children alone. Also, I am friends with many of the parents so we get to hang out and socialize while the kids are having fun.

Maybe this is the difference. Parties where we've dropped DD off had six kids, maybe eight. And when we had more at DD's I had arranged for somebody with preschool teaching experience to help run the activities and supervise.

[One_Girl]

I stay because I don't know all of the people who invite my dd to parties and I am not willing to let a stranger scold my child at a party. I have seen a mother of a birthday child scold a child at a party in a way that was very mean and I have seen people letting kids just run all around out of their sight at parties in very public places where kidnapping could really happen. I also have a rule about not letting dd go alone with other adults unless I feel like I know them well enough and I am not willing to bend that rule for a party.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

When the kids were preschool aged I think most of the parents stayed because the children were more comfortable if there was a parent there. Now that they are a bit older (mine are 6 and 9), about half of the parents stay, mostly to chat and visit amongst themselves. I really like that, especially at the beginning of the year, because it means i get to know the parents I otherwise never meet (nannydoes pickup, when most parents visit/get to know each other). By this point, I stay if there are moms there I want to talk to, otherwise I drop off.

I am blessed by having kids without allergies or health issues, so that's not a problem for me but I completely see why some parents would stay if that were the case. I generally trust my kids to behave appropriately and handle difficult situations reasonably well.

[beanma]

Because it's fun. I get to hang with the other parents and chat and enjoy some party food. My girls prefer me to stay most of the time, also, but really most of the parents stay at the parties I go to. It would be unusual, but okay for me to drop and go.

[limabean]

All the parties my son (age 4) has been to have been family-oriented parties where we were all invited, but I'm assuming parents who stay at kid-oriented parties do so because either their kid wants them to or they don't feel comfortable leaving for whatever reason -- who am I to tell anyone they *have* to be separated from their kid if they're not comfortable with it? No big deal, IMO.

[Stella_luna]

I always stay to chat with the other moms. My DD also gets shy in big, loud groups, so if she needs a drink or something, she won't ask another grownup, so I like to be there if she needs me.

[Sasharna]

I would stay for a couple reasons.

First, I don't know that the birthday child's parents are reliable, responsible, etc.

Secondly, my son (although technically "neurotypical") does not develop in typical ways. He will behave in a bewitchingly mature fashion, then suddenly bolt into a busy street like a two year old or climb over the railing at the top of a stairwell. People tend to over-estimate his ability to judge dangerous situations and because of that they don't watch him as closely as he needs to be watched. I don't leave him with anybody but DP or my mother, if I can avoid it. It would just be asking for a tragedy.

[earthmama369]

My kiddos are younger, so I stay right now partly because of their age. Currently, in our group of friends and acquaintances, birthday parties are a nice time to get together and hang out while our children are well entertained playing with each other, so there's a social reason as well.

For dd at least, the major reason I plan to continue to stay at parties with her for some time past the age of 5 is because she carries an epipen, and that's a big responsibility to dump on someone who's keeping track of a lot of kiddos at once. There are some parents who I would feel comfortable leaving her with for a playdate, because they know how to use the epipen and recognize signs of a reaction and dd is comfortable with them, but I still wouldn't leave her for a large party situation with the same parent simply because the odds would be against her in the event of a reaction. Lots of kids, lots of noise, lots of chaos....

[Mary-Beth]

I stay to help the host, to have some fun, to chat with old friends or get to know new people.