looking for advice... 8yo ds asking def of swear words

[2babes2luv]

I'm rather new to posting so I apologize for not knowing the lingo and etiquette very well here. I am looking for advice. My 8yo son is coming home from school with "new" words and concepts that I wasn't ready for, beyond what I thought was just "normal" potty talk. I'm not sure if I'm just clueless and naive, but I wasn't prepared to explain the f word to him yet and all that goes with it. I thought I might have at least a few years more but he's asking what it means. He is in a mixed age 2-5 grade charter school, and is hearing this stuff from the 4th graders mostly. Anybody else faced this issue or have any good book suggestions to go along with talking about it? Thanks! any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[hipchick]

Simply be frank and honest with him. As far as the f-word goes, I am assuming that he knows how babies were born. Just explain that it is a not-very-nice way of saying that.

I remember when I was 7, and I learned a word at school that starts with "n." I remember seeing some Winnie the Pooh stuff at Sears w/my mom soon afterword. There were some stuffed Tiggers. I started thinking about how that word rhymes with Tigger, so I asked her what it meant (I am so glad that I didn't say it loud enough for passers-by to hear). This was her opportunity to explain the concepts of prejudice and racism to me. I know that I am getting off on a tangent, but I was shocked a few years later when I was in Jr High to hear some black people call each other that because I thought that it was such a bad word.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

DD and DS have heard swear words for years on TV so it has came up many times and I just tell them those are words that are nasty and we dont say them. DD 8 has yet to ask me what they mean.

[Jessy1019]

I've been honest with my kids about what the different words mean (although I think the only one my daughter asked about was "f*&^" and knowing hasn't deterred her from saying it -- which was not my intention, anyway). She's six, she know what sex is and that f&^% is a way of saying "have sex" but that's it's also just a word that expresses frustration.

She uses "dammit" more anyway, and my son uses "holy s&*^." We don't censor ourselves around the kids, nor do we mind them using strong language.

[greenmama]

I would explain that it is a swear word that people use either to express strong feelings or out of habit. I'm guessing that these are friends, and you don't want to make your child judgemental. I had to really stress that "different families do different things" and that OUR family doesn't use those words. If you then wanted to explain the meaning you could, but I';m guessing that kids are actually just using it as a swear word, not related to its meaning.

[4evermom]

I tell ds what they mean. Knowing usually makes him realize they are stupid words to say, as in they don't make a lot of sense when taken literally in the context of his life. Just telling him not to say them never worked but explaining the meaning does. It is annoying. I'd rather him be a bit older, too, so his impulse control and judgment were a little better developed.

[*LoveBugMama*]

OP, I could have written your post! My son is 7, sonn to be 8, and he is in a mixed class with kids from 1st to 5th grade. And he also comes home asking about a lot of really fun words. I try to be honest. I try to tell him what they mean, and tell him that I do not talk like that. And that I do not want him to talk like that, either.

[2babes2luv]

wow! thank you everyone for your replies. I got home and was surprised to see so many great replies! I forgot to say that we are a media free family, no TV or video games, and only occasional family movies. But my son attends a public charter school so he hears about a lot of stuff that we don't have at home. I'm beginning to feel more drawn towards homeschooling these days. I think we might explain frankly the meaning of the swear words in a way that is appropriate for his age and abilities, but I just hesitate in my trust in him to use the knowledge appropriately and responsibly around other kids, especially younger ones, his little sister as well. I wish we were just in the phase of repeating what he's heard and trying it out, but he is a very inquisitive guy, and is now starting to ask specifically what the words mean. Also, the teachers at his school are addressing this in the classroom. Thank you 4evermom, I agree.

Thank you all for all your advice and input, it is quite helpful!

[Tofu the Geek]

Specifically for the 'f' word, it has many meanings, it's not necessarily just a vulgar word for "sex". For example, "I don't give a flying 'f'" is a phrase I commonly hear. It's interesting that your son has picked this up from school. I say that because my DD heard that word (and other swear words) used by adults/teens. Adults/teens on the street, in the mall, on the bus, etc. so I'm just a little surprised he hasn't heard the words before. DD asked about the 'f' word when she was about 5 and I explained it was a vulgar way to describe what people do to make babies, could also be a vulgar way to say you don't give a darn, or could be a vulgar way to describe a person whose done something rude or mean (as in "that 'f-er' stole my lunch money!). I explained that most people don't like the sound of the word and school and workplaces normally don't tolerate the use of the words so it's often best to choose not to use them, then you don't accidentally use them in a place where they are not allowed.

I didn't forbid her from using any swear words as I figured it might be hypocritical since sometimes they come out of my mouth! ("oh sh**!" for example) But I have explained that most people don't like to listen to them, and as I said earlier, that some places don't even allow them. She's almost a teenager now and is quick to notice if it slips out of my mouth and she'll say, "hey, word of the day!" (which is an insider joke from another member of our family) and I'll have her help me think up alternative words to use to get my meaning across (hoping that this will help her to use those same alternatives when she needs them!).