Please stop comparing babies

[gbailey]

My friend has developed a habit of comparing our daughters and it's driving me nuts. The next time she does I will calmly say something or should I just let it go. Her DD is two months older than our DD. We always talk about the things our babies are doing and what we're doing with them. She's always comparing them. Example, "Arianna has 7 teeth. When is your daughter going to start getting more. You better tell her to hurry up." or "You're not giving her juice yet? Why not? Arianna has been having juice since she was 7 months." "How come you don't give her red meat. You don't want to raise a baby that refuses to eat what you cook." I always change the subject because I don't want to argue and if I do say something it may come out in a snappy tone. It's just annoying. I don't say anything about her choices because it's not my business but I'm grown tired of hearing her why questions.

[mamaluvs]

Sounds totally annoying. I do think though that if your friend is asking "why" questions, you are totally within your rights to answer them with your reason. Of course, it is perfectly acceptable not to answer them but if you feel like it, I don't see why you shouldn't.

[purplemoon]

Make up a hypothetical story about reading an article about that type of behavior and have a discussion.

Like, "I read this article about how mothering is so hard, especially with mothers comparing children. I totally agree, it is a worthless exercise and makes mothering that much harder. I will make sure that I don't do that in the future, and if I have done it at any time, I apologize. Our friendship with our children being so close in age shouldn't have that and I hope that it won't."

If she doesn't stop after that (which I think she will) it may be time to spend more time with other mothers and children.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by purplemoon

Make up a hypothetical story about reading an article about that type of behavior and have a discussion.

Like, "I read this article about how mothering is so hard, especially with mothers comparing children. I totally agree, it is a worthless exercise and makes mothering that much harder. I will make sure that I don't do that in the future, and if I have done it at any time, I apologize. Our friendship with our children being so close in age shouldn't have that and I hope that it won't."

If she doesn't stop after that (which I think she will) it may be time to spend more time with other mothers and children.

Great advice. Thank you. My mother also said it's time to start spending time with other moms and children.

[ElleTwo]

Agreeing w/mamluvs in that if she is a friend who you enjoy in other respects, you can answer or not answer however you choose...but one way might be to blame the baby...

in answer to the teeth query "DD are you done growing your teeth yet?" you to friend "Guess she's not quite finished..." About juice or other foods "DD did you want some juice/meat/etc?" you to friend "DD hasn't asked for any, but as soon as she does we'll talk on it"

LOL using some humor to let her know you are following your DD's cues, and the right time for any baby to do something is when they do it.

[3pink1blue]

argh i feel you there. my friend's DS is 11 days younger than mine and I hear all.the.time about how big he is, and he's so much bigger than mine, and he does this and that and why doesn't my DS. Sometimes I just don't even answer the phone anymore. I have already lost a lot of respect for her as far as parenting choices though, so for me its easier to put the distance there.

[OkiMom]

I had a friend like this once, I ended up stop getting together with her because I was tired of it.

[One_Girl]

I think you should answer with your reasons and your philosophy and then change the subject. She is probably really excited about all the things her little one can do and the way she is growing. If you have a good friendship you could talk to her about this. If you are building a good friendship then I think you should change the subject and not say anything that invites her parenting advice.

[Bell]

That's so annoying!! it does not make sense compare kids! When I was a kid I had a cousin who used to compare all the time and it was so annoying that one day my my had to put us apart because I was beating her!!!! I don;'t know what I'd do, but I'd tell her that, I think... Does she do the same with her family, everyone?? or just kids??

[tireesix]

Would REALLY irritate me!