So worried about dd's weight

[JellyMomma]

DD (11 yo) has gained A LOT of weight very suddenly. She got her period in Oct. and her appetite skyrocketed. I had no idea how bad it was until we went skiing and she had to get on a scale. She weighs 120 and the last time she weighed herself she was 90 lbs (about a year ago). I even went out and bought a new scale last week. Several days later she told me that my new scale was broken because it said that she weighed 120 lbs. I told her that it wasn't broken and that because of puberty her body is changing. She said "Wow-I'm fat!". I told her that she wasn't fat but that she might need to start exercising more.

She's only 5'0 tall. I've made an appt. with a naturopath (April 7th) and requested her records from the peditrician to see what her weight was last year. I really don't buy a lot of junk food--very rarely--but she eats huge quanitities of food now--a typical after school snack is 2 yogurts, a PB&J on whole wheat and 5 or 6 low carb chocolate chip cookies (made with coconut flour, flax meal, stevia and erythritol)--then she's ready for a big dinner at 6:00, and by 8:30 she tells me she's hungry again. She's home alone after school so I don't have much control over what she eats then. She's never had a big appetite (until now)and has always been very thin. I'm guessing that she has a hormonal imbalance but I don't know what is done for that. I've tried to lower her carb intake over the last year but I'm sure she eats junk at school. I'm going to have her start bringing her lunch, and have her help plan the menus. I've said very little to her about it--just that it's important to nourish our bodies, and eat a variety of foods, lots of fruit and veggies, etc. etc. She's a VERY picky eater so it's a constant battle to get her to eat fruits and veggies. She's worn sweatshirts for most of the winter but she had on a tight t-shirt last night and her belly was really protruding. She looked 5 months pregnant; she's also gained a lot in her hips and thighs. She's wearing 12 plus jeans from Old Navy and those are snug. Up until last year I had to buy her slim sizes or they would fall off of her.

Does anyone have any idea what might be going on here?

Note: I've battled a weight problem all my life, and it runs in my family. I was a little bit chubby even before puberty, though, even as a baby. Her weight gain has been so sudden that I know something is not right.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by JellyMomma

DD (11 yo) has gained A LOT of weight very suddenly. She got her period in Oct. and her appetite skyrocketed. I had no idea how bad it was until we went skiing and she had to get on a scale. She weighs 120 and the last time she weighed herself she was 90 lbs (about a year ago). I even went out and bought a new scale last week. Several days later she told me that my new scale was broken because it said that she weighed 120 lbs. I told her that it wasn't broken and that because of puberty her body is changing. She said "Wow-I'm fat!". I told her that she wasn't fat but that she might need to start exercising more.

She's only 5'0 tall. I've made an appt. with a naturopath (April 7th) and requested her records from the peditrician to see what her weight was last year. I really don't buy a lot of junk food--very rarely--but she eats huge quanitities of food now--a typical after school snack is 2 yogurts, a PB&J on whole wheat and 5 or 6 low carb chocolate chip cookies (made with coconut flour, flax meal, stevia and erythritol)--then she's ready for a big dinner at 6:00, and by 8:30 she tells me she's hungry again. She's home alone after school so I don't have much control over what she eats then. She's never had a big appetite (until now)and has always been very thin. I'm guessing that she has a hormonal imbalance but I don't know what is done for that. I've tried to lower her carb intake over the last year but I'm sure she eats junk at school. I'm going to have her start bringing her lunch, and have her help plan the menus. I've said very little to her about it--just that it's important to nourish our bodies, and eat a variety of foods, lots of fruit and veggies, etc. etc. She's a VERY picky eater so it's a constant battle to get her to eat fruits and veggies. She's worn sweatshirts for most of the winter but she had on a tight t-shirt last night and her belly was really protruding. She looked 5 months pregnant; she's also gained a lot in her hips and thighs. She's wearing 12 plus jeans from Old Navy and those are snug. Up until last year I had to buy her slim sizes or they would fall off of her.

Does anyone have any idea what might be going on here?

Note: I've battled a weight problem all my life, and it runs in my family. I was a little bit chubby even before puberty, though, even as a baby. Her weight gain has been so sudden that I know something is not right.

Please try not to get too worried. Puberty does a lot of funny things and her weight can fluctuate between growth spurts. It is a good idea to get her checked out because she could have a thyroid imbalance or something like that. But the worst thing you could do is give her the impression that "something is wrong" at her age she could develop an eating disorder if she thinks it is such a big deal.

[journeymom]

Do a search on 'children's bmi index' and check out some of the calculators. They're not definitive but are one indicator of her health. According to this pediatric body mass index calculator, an 11 y.o. girl, 120 lbs at 5 feet tall has a body mass index of 23.5 and is at risk for being overweight, but technically is not overweight. So make of that what you will.

Girls go through a stage in puberty when they gain a little weight, just before they grow a little taller. Mother Nature's stupid joke on self conscious teen girls.

For now you should focus on encouraging her to be more physically active, not on getting her to eat less. Just natural things like walking more, sitting less, riding a bike, helping in the garden or whatever. And she'll have much more success if the whole family lives this way. It's very difficult to try to do some 'exercise' regime alone.

Do not make her self conscious about this, don't make it about her. Just encourage a life-style change for the whole family.

You might check to see if she's eating when she's bored. But that's the only thing about her food that I'd focus on for now.

[karne]

My dd is a year younger, but otherwise I too see an enormous appetite. FWIW, she looks slim, but is solidly built and tall, AND, I believe that she's going through a growth spurt. I try not to interject myself too much in this arena because I can see already some of the peer pressure to look thin or be thin. I do cut off sweets at a certain point, but I don't forbid them, and what I have in the house is 90% healthy and the rest might be considered treats. We all need treats sometimes! Where I do see a problem is how quickly my dd eats-she inhales her food and then wants more, so I do try to have us eat at a more leaisurely pace.

[latinmom]

My dd did precisely this at the same age. Within 2-3 years, it was all gone, due to her major growth spurt and settling into adolesence. Do you think this might be it? We paid attention, but didn't make a big deal out of it. We were trying to be careful not to give her hangups about the weight. Good luck!

[JellyMomma]

Thanks everyone for the replies. No, I definitely don't want her to develop an eating disorder but I also don't want her to become obese, which is statistically much more likely. I am trying to work on the exercise part. I've been doing a lot of walking myself but it's like pulling teeth to get her to come with me. She gets really moody and won't talk while we're walking. She loves the beach so we'll be there a lot once it gets warmer; and she's starting a 6 week hip hop dance class in a few weeks. If she likes that I'll try to find a dance studio that offers ongoing classes.

I'm also going to get out my bike so we can ride together. And I'm going to join a gym with a outdoor pool/water park and lots of classes and activities for kids.

Looking back, I can see that she's been much more sedentary this winter; and combined with the increase in appetite has caused the weight gain. I feel bad that I wasn't more aware of this until recently.

Originally Posted by latinmom

My dd did precisely this at the same age. Within 2-3 years, it was all gone, due to her major growth spurt and settling into adolesence. Do you think this might be it? We paid attention, but didn't make a big deal out of it. We were trying to be careful not to give her hangups about the weight. Good luck!

That worries me, too because it seems that she's not growing anymore. Her big growth spurt happened at 9-10 and seems to have stopped at 5 ft. Does anyone know how much growth typically happens after a girl gets her period?

I'm sure she'll slim down over the summer once she gets more active and we're eating more whole foods. I'm glad I made the Drs. appt., though just to get everything checked out. Thanks, everyone : )

[robin4kids]

My dd has not hit puberty yet, but I too worry about her. My kids are very tall for their age. My 13 y/o ds is over 5'4 and who knows what he weights. I was very worried about him, because he we so big. He was not fat, or even chunky, but he was not thin either. About 3 years ago we got him involved in swimming. We swims 4 times a week, 8 months of the year. He has thinned out. He hit puberty WAY before his friends. I think it is important to teach kids that their bodies are changing and so they may need to cut back on their diet. They may need to eat 2 apples instead of a PB&j and they may need to get involved in a more physical activity.

Really it is hard to believe that they will thin out as they grow, but it happens. This is not to say that you should not help your dd learn to be more careful with how much she eats. I tell the kids that they can have one big snack after school then nothing till dinner. They are used to it and don't seem to feel deprived.
Good luck. I feel for you. I hate dieting. I am not fat, but not thin either. I don't want my dd to worry about her body, but I don't want her to be really over weight. So hard!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by JellyMomma

That worries me, too because it seems that she's not growing anymore. Her big growth spurt happened at 9-10 and seems to have stopped at 5 ft. Does anyone know how much growth typically happens after a girl gets her period?

When I got my period, I was about 5'1". I grew another 4" over the next couple of years, and stopped at my current height of 5'5".

[nd_deadhead]

I don't have girls, but I do come from a family that struggles with weight (I was overweight as a kid). I totally understand where you're coming from - you want your dd to have healthy eating habvits now that will keep her from struggling with her weight her whole life.

My sons are identical twins, and if we didn't have the other to compare to, we probably would not have noticed that J, at age 9 or 10, was developing a spare tire (just like his Dad).

So we started talking about our eating habits. J would take 3 helpings of whatever we had for supper, where his brotehr would take two. I asked J if his tummy wanted more food, or his mouth, and when he stopped to think about it, he usually decided it was his mouth, and he cut back on his portions on his own. We also encourage both boys to take moderately-sized portions - they can always have seconds.

You don't want your dd eating out of habit - you want her to make sure she is truly hungry before she takes that second yogurt.

I do know a young woman (I've known her since she was a little girl) who physically could not feel when she was hungry or full. In her case, it was a struggle to get her to eat before her blood sugar dropped and she got really cranky. She learned to eat on a schedule, rather than listen to her body (which most of the rest of us can do). But maybe your dd needs to learn to read her body's signals.

Encouraging her to drink more water might cut down on her feelings of hunger after school (I know my kids never got enough to drink in school).

Best wishes to you. Teaching our kids healthy eating habits is truly a life-long gift.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

When I got my period, I was about 5'1". I grew another 4" over the next couple of years, and stopped at my current height of 5'5".

This is exactly true for me as well.

At the beginninng of that time I weighed 107. And that was already having put on an ample amount of weight in the previous two years. At the end? 135 lbs. So I put on over 20 lbs from the end of 7th grade til the beginning of 9th--- so like 15 months. By 11th grade I was 121 lbs. I think the rapid weight gain is fairly normal. My DD is in 5th grade and still only like 73 lbs and taller than I was at her age, so if she is going to be anywhere near 100 lbs in junior high, I know she is going to start putting on significant weight. It will definately be wierd to see my skinny baby fill out, but I also expect it.

Please, please be careful what you say to her. My mom really harped on me about how I was getting "fat" and it was so damaging to me.

[JellyMomma]

Originally Posted by robin4kids

My dd has not hit puberty yet, but I too worry about her. My kids are very tall for their age. My 13 y/o ds is over 5'4 and who knows what he weights. I was very worried about him, because he we so big. He was not fat, or even chunky, but he was not thin either. About 3 years ago we got him involved in swimming. We swims 4 times a week, 8 months of the year. He has thinned out. He hit puberty WAY before his friends. I think it is important to teach kids that their bodies are changing and so they may need to cut back on their diet. They may need to eat 2 apples instead of a PB&j and they may need to get involved in a more physical activity.

Very good advice--I've been buying more fruit and, even though she says she doesn't like it, I've been finding banana peels in the trash can. She's hearing a lot about nutrition in health class and I think some of it's getting through. Unfortunately some of the misinformation is getting through, too. She told me that we should be eating margerine instead of butter

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

When I got my period, I was about 5'1". I grew another 4" over the next couple of years, and stopped at my current height of 5'5".

That's very good to hear--not that there's anything wrong with being 5 ft tall but it's already a struggle to find pants that are short enough.

Originally Posted by nd_deadhead

I don't have girls, but I do come from a family that struggles with weight (I was overweight as a kid). I totally understand where you're coming from - you want your dd to have healthy eating habvits now that will keep her from struggling with her weight her whole life.

My sons are identical twins, and if we didn't have the other to compare to, we probably would not have noticed that J, at age 9 or 10, was developing a spare tire (just like his Dad).

So we started talking about our eating habits. J would take 3 helpings of whatever we had for supper, where his brotehr would take two. I asked J if his tummy wanted more food, or his mouth, and when he stopped to think about it, he usually decided it was his mouth, and he cut back on his portions on his own. We also encourage both boys to take moderately-sized portions - they can always have seconds.

You don't want your dd eating out of habit - you want her to make sure she is truly hungry before she takes that second yogurt.

Encouraging her to drink more water might cut down on her feelings of hunger after school (I know my kids never got enough to drink in school).

Best wishes to you. Teaching our kids healthy eating habits is truly a life-long gift.

There's such a fine line between teaching good eating habits and making them feel bad about their bodies, isn't there? I sounds like you're doing a great job.

Originally Posted by TiredX2

This is exactly true for me as well.

At the beginninng of that time I weighed 107. And that was already having put on an ample amount of weight in the previous two years. At the end? 135 lbs. So I put on over 20 lbs from the end of 7th grade til the beginning of 9th--- so like 15 months. By 11th grade I was 121 lbs. I think the rapid weight gain is fairly normal. Please, please be careful what you say to her. My mom really harped on me about how I was getting "fat" and it was so damaging to me.

That's good to hear--I guess some weight gain is normal--unfortunatly it coincided with the winter months and more computer usage than normal. I will be very careful not to "shame" her about her weight. For now I will emphasize the exercise -- I try to put the "let's spend some time together" spin on it when I mention going for a bike ride or a walk. I can't wait for the warm weather when we can be outside a lot.

Thanks everyone for your advice. It really makes me feel better.....

[Ruthla]

Is she getting "fat" or has she suddenly grown a lot in her breasts and hips? 30 lbs in one year does sound excessive, but it's possible she was slightly underweight before and is now closer to a healthy weight FOR HER. She also might be due for a growth spurt. Really, to be 120 lbs and 5' tall DOES sound like a healthy weight for a woman (and I'm assuming she effectively has a woman's body right now.)

I would focus on teaching her about healthy eating- not because of weight issues but focus on healthy foods that give her body the fuel it needs to grow and have energy.

[PikkuMyy]

Don't forget that a "hormonal imbalance" is normal for a child starting to go through puberty. When this happens, kids start to have a much larger appetite than they did before.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by JellyMomma

I am trying to work on the exercise part. I've been doing a lot of walking myself but it's like pulling teeth to get her to come with me. She gets really moody and won't talk while we're walking.

Totally OT, but is there a reason you want her to talk while out on a walk? I mean I guess I understand the want for conversation, but some people just don't like to talk when they are going for a walk just because.

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Totally OT, but is there a reason you want her to talk while out on a walk? I mean I guess I understand the want for conversation, but some people just don't like to talk when they are going for a walk just because.

Not OT. I finally learned this lesson. It felt intrusive to my DD when I'd invite her on a walk and force conversation. Companionable silence is really nice!

[chiromamma]

I think the problem of juvenile obesity is due more to inactivity than overeating. Sports are so good for any kid's self image and confidence...especially girls. Does your DD participate in sports? When my DD went through this kind of growth and bemoaned her "fat" body, I just insisted she find a sport to engage in. She's nonstop now....Kung Fu, Tai Chi, skiing, running. She marvels at her body's power.
If you model good eating and exercise habits at home and engage her in regular, vigorous activity, her body should be able to find it's healthy weight.

[latinmom]

For what its worth, DD got her growth spurt a good year or two after her period started. So did I. And, I agree, inactivity in that age group is a big factor.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

I think the problem of juvenile obesity is due more to inactivity than overeating.

I do think this is true. In the 70s, we walked to school. We walked to the store. We played outside on our free time.

We didn't have anything to do if we didn't get up and go do it. Sure, Gilligan's island reruns were on after school, but you eat a sandwich, watch a 30 minute rerun, then go outside again.

My daughter had dance, and music. I had no idea marching band could be so exhausting.. but, talk about a great workout! There is no way you could be chubby on the marching band. They work their tails off.

But, she hated sports. All sports. She's never been much of an organized sport kind of person. Dance was about the most organization she could stand.

OP.. I totally understand why you are worried! I don't have any good ideas, but I get why you feel this way. Especially if you had issues with your own weight. Sometimes the things that made us unhappy as a child make us even more unhappy when our kids go through it.

[JellyMomma]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

Not OT. I finally learned this lesson. It felt intrusive to my DD when I'd invite her on a walk and force conversation. Companionable silence is really nice!

She's normally a chatter box and only gets moody and silent when I mention the walk. I see your point....what I meant was that she gives me the silent treatment for making her walk, so I've given up on that.

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I do think this is true. In the 70s, we walked to school. We walked to the store. We played outside on our free time.

We didn't have anything to do if we didn't get up and go do it. Sure, Gilligan's island reruns were on after school, but you eat a sandwich, watch a 30 minute rerun, then go outside again.

My daughter had dance, and music.
But, she hated sports. All sports. She's never been much of an organized sport kind of person. Dance was about the most organization she could stand.

OP.. I totally understand why you are worried! I don't have any good ideas, but I get why you feel this way. Especially if you had issues with your own weight. Sometimes the things that made us unhappy as a child make us even more unhappy when our kids go through it.

Yes, exactly....I know it's because she's so inactive--she HATES sports--but she does like to dance so I'm hoping the upcoming dance class will spark her interest. She's tried every kind of sport out there and hated them all.

I got her medical records the other day. Two months before she turned 10 she weighed 68 lbs. In 18 months she gained almost 50 lbs. Of course some of that was from normal growth. I did notice at a school event the other night....that all the girls with breast development also had the pot belly so I'm not quite so worried. I just have to encourage healthier eating, less snacking and more "fun" exercise.

thanks everyone for the responses!

[~PurityLake~]

Well, this brings up terrible memories for me. When I was 11 and became a woman, as my mom called getting my first period, I gained weight (I think I was 5 foot 2 inches) and reached 100 pounds and my mom freaked. She told me I could only snack on apples or celery, told me I had to exercise, told me she only weighed 120 pounds when she was 20 years old, and . :

If only she'd let me eat more meat! or protein, my endless starving hunger would have been abated. My muscles were growing, my bones were growing, and I NEEDED protein and calcium, not some stupid fruit. We didn't ever have junk food in the house, but we also were poor so perceived excessive food consumption was seen as detrimental to the whole family.

I suggest providing high protein meals, even a protein powder drink for between meal snacks, with calcium, probiotics or any other supplement you think might help. Puberty PLUS growing is a lot for a body to undertake. I'd avoid the empty carbs, but keep providing whole grains.