Okay...sleep overs? When? With whom?

[momtoS]

My daughter is 4. She asked if she could have a sleepover at a classmates house (the girl asked her). I do not know the family so the answer is a definite no.

She has not even slept at my MIL's or my mom's house.

What age do you allow sleepovers? Where do you let your children stay over?Just family? Friends? Do you have to know the parents?

[ChetMC]

Sleepovers For Us

With family, I'm fine with preschool aged sleepovers. Our girls are 3.5 and almost 5 and they've stayed overnight at grandma's house a lot.

For friend sleepovers, it would depend on the child, how well I knew the other parents, and the age of the child. I can think of one friend I might let our oldest stay with overnight right now, but honestly, I see sleepovers at friend's houses as something I hope that the kids don't start asking for until they're at least 8 or 9.

[hottmama]

My kids can stay with family whenever. They both had stayed a night at grandma's by 18 mos.
We just started friend sleepovers and my son is 6. I'd have let him at 5, though.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

If I know the family well and trust them, I'd let the kids do a sleepover as young as six or so. Recently (last 8mos or so) I began letting my 9yos do sleepovers with people I don't know as well, but only if the twins stay together. Usually I host the sleepovers, though, and of course I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

We really don't have any family the kids would be interested in spending the night with.

I'm surprised a 4yo would even ask about a sleepover. None of mine were interested in spending the night away from home when they were that young. I wouldn't want to host children under six either, because you can pretty much count on them getting upset and wanting to go home at some point, IME.

[BunniMummi]

I wouldn't yet personally and I'm one of the people that was for dropping a 4-5 year old off at a party in the other thread. My kids don't have grandparents in travel range to practice overnights so I might be a little extra paranoid about it but in general I think 4 is too young. At that age it's less of a sleepover and more overnight babysitting I think.

Looking around at friend's children my guess would be by second grade or so if we know the families well but then I'm not even sure if boys are quite as into the whole sleepover thing as girls so I guess only time will tell.

[velochic]

In dh's culture, kids just don't sleep at each others' homes... ever. I don't know if I would go that far (although if he is adamant about it, I won't push it), but they would have to be someone I know very well. Definitely not before 10 or 11. Some of my family she will never get to spend the night with (toxic atmosphere), others I'd be okay with her staying over night now (at 7). However, she still co-sleeps and since she won't even sleep in her own bed, I doubt she'd sleep in another house.

[Jessy1019]

My kids had their first overnights with my mom when they were about 2.5 Both times, it was sort of an emergency situation -- with my daughter, I was very very sick and just desperate for a solid night's sleep, and with my son, I'd had a pretty traumatic injury and wanted to be able to take strong pain meds and get as much rest as possible. They were just fine, eager to do it again, etc.

My daughter is six and started doing sleepovers with her friends this year. So far, her friend came here for one night and then a few weeks ago, Rylie went and stayed at her house. She's going to spend the night at another friend's house on Saturday. In both cases, we've known the families for awhile and feel very comfortable with them.

I would also be okay with her sleeping at almost all of her classmates' homes . . . 10 out of the 11 families have values and parenting styles very similar to ours, and if push came to shove, I'd probably let her stay with the 11th as well. It wouldn't be something I was thrilled or excited for her about, but I trust that she wouldn't be in any danger.

I started sleepovers with very close family friends when I was four. No problems there either, and would have started them at that age with my daughter if the situation had come up.

[pbjmama]

My ds is almost 3 and I would let him sleep over with the grandparents if they were in the area. I can't imagine any other type of sleepover before 6 or 7. At this point there is only one family that we are friends with that I would potential trust for friendly sleep over night.

[babygrant]

My oldest son had his first sleepover at grandma and grandpas at about 10 months (had weaned him at 9 months, pre-MDC). My 2nd had his first sleepover at around 2. Grandma and grandpa wanted him earlier but I was still nursing. My oldest had his first friend over for a sleepover a couple of months ago and will be going for his first sleepover soon.

[wrzos]

Interesting replies... My ds is 4 and has been asking for several months now. I keep telling him when he is 5 he'll be allowed, but I haven't gone over the 'rules' (know the family, etc.) He has stayed with my parents for a week in the summer, and enjoyed that, and had 2 emergency sleepovers at a neighbor's house when we had ER visits for younger children.

I was tentatively thinking age 5 for sleepovers at the neighbor's house, and perhaps his 1 close friend from school. The other parent and I are actually in discussion about this now. We thought if we went camping together, it would be sort of like a sleepover, and get each family more used to each other and prepare us for the boys sleeping over each others house.

[*LoveBugMama*]

I would not send my son away for a sleepover. Why? Because he don`t want to. He has never slept without me or his father present. He has started saying that this summer he maybe wants to sleep with some of his cousins, when we are visiting grandma. I will be in the house next door, and I am absolutely fine with that, if he wants to. I trust our family to take care of him, both my side and his fathers side.

I would not, however, let him sleep with others than family.

We do allow sleepovers at our house, though. His best friend has slept here, and some of his cousins, too. It was really fun!

[karemore]

Dd keeps asking for her best friend to sleep over here. I don't have any problems with that, but there's no way she's sleeping over anywhere but my mom's house for many years to come.

I was abused at a trusted relative's house as a child, so I'm going to always be on the protective side of this issue.

[TripMom]

My 4 year old have a lot of night-needs -- I can't imagine that at someone elses house? Getting up in the middle of the night? Confused about where they are? Scared? 4 is just too young - IMHO

At 6, my DS could do it -- but I would need to know the family very very well. Like the neighbors immediately next door with the son same age as mine who we have seen/played with every single day since the boys could play. That kind of familiarity. . .

My 6 yo has been staying with my parents for visits in the summer since he was 3.

[Drummer's Wife]

My 8 yo DD has sleepover's currently with her two closest friends (she's actually at one right now, a birthday slumber party!) But both girls live within walking distance (one across the street from us, the other a couple blocks down) and we know them well. I feel comfortable --as does my DD-- with trusting their family to care for my child during this time, so I don't see any reason to say no when the girls are begging. They stay over here often, too, but it means 3 younger brothers who drive them nuts at times.

[AuntNi]

My DD has had sleepovers at my parents' house since she was one, so obviously I'm cool with that. She's never asked to sleep over at another child's house, and I wouldn't let her until she was at least 8-9.

The funny thing is, she's asked to have girlfriends sleep over, but since we co-sleep, it's not practical. I asked her, "Where will your friend sleep?" and she responded, "In my room. I'll sleep with you, and my friend can sleep in my room."

In our case, I've figured out that it's the pajama party evening she really likes. So we've had a couple girlfriends come over for supper, fun and games in the evening, then their parents pick them up at bedtime. It works great, because they have all the fun of a sleepover, without the "calling my mom because I'm upset and want to go home" drama.