What to say to a friend?

[Rosehip]

What would you like to hear from a friend when you talk about having trouble getting pregnant?

I knew it took my friend quite a while to get pregnant w/#1. She & her DH have now been trying for #2, for, I believe 2 years. The doctors have recommended IVF, which makes her nervous/scared.

What do I say to be supportive? I don't want to say something inadvertently hurtful.

[abeecharmer]

you are a great friend to have even asked this question.

i think to be supportive, you should just listen and acknowledge her pain/fear. infertility and ivf are emotionally exhausting - she probably just needs support and validation (whether her current emotion is anger, fear, sadness, etc).

re: what to avoid: dont minimize the suffering she has endured to this point, don't tell her you know what she's going through (unless you've experienced infertility yourself), dont offer empty, meaningless platitudes ("it will happen when it happens," "everything happens for a reason, maybe you were meant to experience this struggle," "maybe you were only meant to have 1 kid," etc). dont offer advice or tell stories about how your sister's roomate from college got pregnant when she "just relaxed" and stopped trying. oh, and dont make jokes about octo-mom (so annoying).

just listen, tell her she's in your thoughts/prayers/(whatever), and tell her you are rooting her for her success. you obviously care about her a great deal, and im sure that will come through.

~sarah

[booja's mom]

Originally Posted by abeecharmer

you are a great friend to have even asked this question.

i think to be supportive, you should just listen and acknowledge her pain/fear. infertility and ivf are emotionally exhausting - she probably just needs support and validation (whether her current emotion is anger, fear, sadness, etc).

re: what to avoid: dont minimize the suffering she has endured to this point, don't tell her you know what she's going through (unless you've experienced infertility yourself), dont offer empty, meaningless platitudes ("it will happen when it happens," "everything happens for a reason, maybe you were meant to experience this struggle," "maybe you were only meant to have 1 kid," etc). dont offer advice or tell stories about how your sister's roomate from college got pregnant when she "just relaxed" and stopped trying. oh, and dont make jokes about octo-mom (so annoying).

just listen, tell her she's in your thoughts/prayers/(whatever), and tell her you are rooting her for her success. you obviously care about her a great deal, and im sure that will come through.

~sarah

This is the best advice... Specially about the empy platitudes and stories. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you.

[snowbell]

It is wonderful you are asking!

While I was struggling with IF for 2 years my closest friend (who got pregnant and had a child while I was still trying) was a wonderful support. All she would do is send me monthly emails telling me that she was thinking about me and hoped I knew that I could always talk to her when I wanted. She told me she didn't want to bring it up if I didn't want to talk about it but to know she was always thinking about me and ready to talk at any time. Whenever I did bring it up to her she would tell me she was so sorry we were going through this and that she hated to see me and dh suffering.

It was all I needed to hear and really helped our friendship.