Social Stigma of CLW - Page 2

[Lynn08]

I love MDC! Where else could I find this much attitude when it comes to breastfeeding?

My 8mo dd is still pretty much ebf and when I was pregnant I figured I would bf until she was about 2 (that was more than long enough in my opinion, thank-you-very-much) and I got plenty of flak for that. Now that she's here, though, I love nursing her and can't imagine stopping so soon - I love the intimacy and the bond it creates. I think it also helps that I have since educated myself on the natural-ness (yay! making up words) and benefits of extended or prolonged bfing. I plan on letting her (and future babes) decide when she's done, even tho that probably means tandem nursing.

Hubby's not too thrill with the idea, tho (and by "not too thrilled" I mean vehemently against). He thinks that "when they're old enough to ask..." and is appalled that my sister still nurses her almost 3yo. I have over a year to bring him around. And if not, oh well - I'm the mama.

[PTmorgan]

DS is 22 months old, and large for his age. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with #2. I've never hidden the fact that we still breastfeed, but I don't flaunt it. If DS wants to nurse in public - rare but especially if he is upset - we just sit down and nurse. I've never had a negative experience with bystanders.

I've had a couple of questions from MIL and coworkers - just casually asking when DS is going to be weaned. I nicely explain that I don't know - it's up to DS. He's cut down dramatically, but I expect he will start nursing a lot more frequently when DC2 arrives in a few weeks. I expect that when he is ready the weaning will sneak up on us - "wow - he hadn't nursed for a few days!" and that it will be almost a non-event. The usual response is a nod or a comment that "I thought weaning was usually hard on the baby. That sounds easy."

MIL commented that because DS will be staying with her when I'm in labor that he'll probably be weaned by the time he comes home if I'm in the hospital for a few days. I told her that I don't really have any milk now anyway, so nursing is not for nutrition. Therefore, I'm not worried about how he'll do (nutritionally) away from me. However, once he sees me again I'm sure he'll ask to nurse. Once he sees the baby nursing he definitely demand to nurse! I reassured her that I'm not pushing nursing on him - he always has to ask. That was the end of the discussion. I get the feeling that she doesn't agree, but our family dynamic is to talk about neutral topics. So, I know about how she feels about the economy, but not about our lifestyle choices. Good and bad, I guess.

To the OP - if you perceive extended BF as a stigma, you will see other people's reactions through your preconceived perspective. If you believe BF is neutral, then most people's reactions are neutral. (Not all, I know!)

I thought I would have far more negative experiences nursing in public. I haven't had any. Maybe it is my direct cheerful confident gaze. Maybe it is just luck. Maybe I'm not looking at other people to gauge if their reactions are positive or negative.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by njbeachbums

But I work one day a month on the Oncology unit at our local hospital. A newish mom nurse and I were talking about mom stuff and she asked something to which I replied "oh, I don't have a clue, I nurse my kids." and she says "OH MY GOD, I just went to my friends daughters 1st birthday party, and she STILL nurses her!! Can you believe that???" To which I said "WOW good for her!!! Some people find other peoples reactions too much to deal with and quit WAY before baby is ready for it. Jenna is 15 months and still going, so I get some of the crap she must have to deal with too." And she was all confused, not sure what to say. So I chimed back in with "As an ONCOLOGY nurse surely you reminded her of all the benefits she is giving to her baby AND herself, dramatically lowering her chance of breast cancer and yadda yadda" So then she felt dumb, and started telling me why she only did it for 12 weeks. And how horrible it was for everyone. I reassured her that 12 weeks was better than nothing, and surely her daughter is much better off for it. And to find a LLL leader for help next time, as it should be one of the most beautiful and intimate experiences of your life.

[veganmama719]

My 5 year old still nurses once a day at bedtime. So I don't hide it but I also don't bring it up in casual conversation that much either. Certainly a fair number of people are aware he is still nursing.

I am vegan so my response to a naysayer might be "well, you drink cow's milk right? I don't think it is strange for my 5 year old to drink MY milk when you are drinking the milk of an entirely different species!".

[kikidee]

For awhile, I kept it quiet and didn't say anything. But now I have told a few people, and you know, nobody has said anything critical! Or even looked like they *wanted* to say anything critical! Shocked me. In a good way, obviously. I have become more open about it, and it's such a relief to have that part of my life out there.

[kalamos23]

I so can't wait to be one of you ladies!! DD is only 9 mo (but huge for her age - she wears a 3T if that is any indication) so we've gotten a little about it. A lot of people actually commented on us nursing past when she got teeth and I said, "well, she had teeth at 11 weeks, and there was no way I was stopping then!". SIL is TTC in a few months and we were talking about BFing (she's very mainstream) and she thought she might BF for a couple of months but is will drop it if it hurts too much - she asked me how long I was planning on nursing for and I said at least until 2. She was horrified! I lamely said something about the WHO and the AAP recommending 2 years of BFing and she changed the subject. I need to memorize that list of comebacks!

[foreverinbluejeans]

My oldest son was almost 3 when he had his first 3rd asthma attack. It was very bad, life-threatening. I was pregnant, he was nursing but I didn't have much milk. His father worked at the hospital and he got us a regular bed rather than the crib/cage they wanted to put him in. They expected him to be in the hospital for weeks.

He nursed so much that lots of milk came and we were able to go home much sooner than expected. Hospital staff were surprised to see the pregnant woman nursing the sick kid with asthma.

He nursed until he was 6. I told people he had health problems and had to breastfeed. After nursing a child unil he was 6 it wasn't hard to NIP his 2younger brothers who CLW when they were 3.

I would tell people that I was under doctor's orders to nurse my oldest until he was 6. What could they say?

[Mz BeeHayvn]

Oh thank you for the list of "things to say" to "still nursing..." comments. lol! I need to print out that list... not that anyone has ever "challenged" me, but that way I'll feel prepared!

[coffee.caugh]

Originally Posted by SmoothieMom

If anyone saw me nursing they would make remarks, my DD (15 months) refuses to be covered in any way and makes me take my shirt off. I've never been able to nurse her in public good thing I am a SAHM.

not trying to be rude but don't you think you should encourage her to not take your shirt off?

[pinky]

I was just going to mention that I have been nursing continuously for 8 years and I have only once had someone make a disparaging comment.

Also, I was reflecting that when my dd#1 got older, I was pretty conscious of the fact that I was doing something outside the social norm. With dd#2, I don't really think about it at all, as it is such a clear (to me) part of the way that I mother her.

[SereneBabe]

Just starting the journey again here with my 2.5 week old. My first daughter nursed until she was 5.5 years old, and that just ended in December. It's already different this time with Althea (the infant). With Maya I just knew I'd nurse, never considered how long or what "style" or anything. Just followed her lead. Didn't realize I'd need a supportive forum for my choices! (This place was a great gift!)

Now I know I'll probably nurse as long as Althea wants, as long as it works for me. But, I'm also more keenly aware of the importance of helping her -- with her complete involvement -- learn coping skills and self-comforting skills whenever she's ready for that.

Okay, off to nurse. Again. :-)