What do you do about visitors after the birth?

[ihugtrees]

I have a HUGE family, all of whom live within a half hour of me, and we are all pretty close. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins total around 85 people. Our holiday gatherings are ridiculous. And each and every one of them goes to see somebody who's just had a baby in the hospital. So what do I do about having a home birth? I can't imagine having over 85 people (if close friends come too) traipse through my home after I've just given birth! I can't offer food and drinks to so many people...we own like 4 glasses total. I can't be any kind of hostess at all, in fact. Besides the fact that I'll be recovering, learning how to breastfeed, etc...my house is SMALL and...it just can't happen.

At the same time, I know they mean well...will bring flowers, balloons, etc and will want to meet the baby right away...I am the first in my generation, among my cousins on both sides, to have a baby, and everyone is soooo excited. I want them to meet her right away too. But...not in my house.

So veteran home/birth center birthers, what do you do? One thought that crossed my mind was to set aside the weekend a week or two after she's born to have an 'open house' where anyone can come by and say hi, but limit visitors outside of that. I wish I could require one frozen meal as an entrance fee, too!

Any other ideas?

[bramblevine]

You're supposed to allow visitors?!

This could be why the family hates me...

I honestly have no idea what to tell you, but I would deffinetly hold out for those frozen meals. Frozen meals = full of win.

[claras_mom]

Recruit someone to be a gatekeeper and spread the word about what your needs are--quiet, privacy, and frozen meals. Your mom, maybe, if she lives close and gets along with everyone. Figure out a way to share photos online or via email, so that you can feed the desire for news without actually having people come to your house. The open house idea is a good one, if you think it won't be too much too soon. If you were in a hospital, the number of visitors would be limited, as would the hours, so it's not like it's going to be out of people's comfort zone to have limitations placed on them.

[truejoy]

Do your parents live near by?

Would they mind doing an open house at their place few days or a week after baby is born? That way you could leave when you got too tired for it all. My mom did about anything for me after I had my first.

[PTmorgan]

One small tip I've heard repeated: Don't get dressed. Wear your bathrobe. You are NOT a hostess, you are a Mom recovering from a birth. It gives a different vibe to the visitors.

Ditto for the open house (especially at someone else's house), having a gatekeeper restrict hours, keeping everyone updated via email, etc. Turn ringer off of phone or cell phone on vibrate. Have updates on the voicemail message. And, I love your idea of an entrance "fee" of a frozen dinner!

[JennTheMomma]

I would tell everyone that you will call them when they can come over, to not allow anyone unsuspected.

[Belle]

Have one of your over-eager relatives throw you a "welcome baby" party. They can host it. They can plan it. They can bring you gifts if they wish. And you get all your visiting done in a few hours.

[larzanna]

not a veteran or anything, but the first thing that comes to mind is to plan out a gathering somwhere else....a resturant, or maybe a "elk club" type of place for a week or so afterwards. You could even send out ( have somone else doing the organizing orfcourse) an e-vite letting people know where and when they can see the baby, and nicly stating that they cannot do so at your place. And then you only have to show up for a few hours.

[cottonwood]

Definitely let it be known that your plans are for a mellow, private recovery period and that you will let people know when you're ready for visitors. The people who love you and want you to feel comfortable will understand. I think a lot of people go see new mamas in the hospital not because they have such a great personal need to, but because they think it's just the proper, expected thing to do. If people try to sneak over anyway, just have your husband ready to tell them that you're, uh, taking a nap, yeah, that's it! And reiterate that you'll call when you're ready for a visit.

With each successive baby we went longer and longer before having visitors, and the visits became shorter and shorter. By the fourth baby, we had people dropping off food, staying for literally as long as it took to do so, NOT expecting more than a brief glimpse of the baby, for the first month or so. It was heaven.