The Circ Stalemate - Page 3

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

DH told me that i dont get to have an opinion b/c i dont have a penis. i told him that means he doesnt get to have an opnion b/c he doesnt have a foreskin. i was kinda mad at that point.

Yup, I've used that before in discussions with women who were allowing their circ'd husbands make the decision. I worded it, "What does HE know about foreskins, since he doesn't have one?"



I agree with the PPs that sometimes it just comes down to Mommy putting her foot down and saying NO!!!

Good luck, OP!


p.s. though the circ videos were always horrendous to me, actual pictures of male penises with bridges and various other physical, visible complications were shocking and I wonder if some daddies might not find those to be even more compelling.

[Fyrestorm]

I tend to go with the "mommy gets the choice since she is the one with intact genitals" After all, she still has her prepuce.

[Alison's Mom]

At the very beginning, I was on the fence about circ and glad I had a girl so I didn't have to make the decision. Then we found out we were having a boy. DH is circ'ed, as are most men his age who grew up in North America. He thinks it's normal, it's cleaner, etc, and wanted to circ our son. I was against it and the more I read about it, the more against it I became. I can't remember how exactly, but I managed to convince him not to have our son circ'ed, and I'm so glad about my decision. I think it's just because I stood my ground and backed up my argument wiht more and more research when it was discussed. He eventually backed down, but wasn't happy about it. I'll get an earful if there's ever a problem because of it.

It breaks my heart that children are put through pain unnecessarily.

[ShadowMoon]

My partner is pro-circ and is still very resentful about leaving ds intact. It was a very charged issue and one that I never thought would be such a problem. (We are both vegan and compassionate people). I was not going to budge on the issue. I hope that someday he comes around but if not, oh well. All of my boys will be intact.

[mayisay]

How about showing him this:

Infant Circumcision Harms Adult Sexuality,
for Both the Man, and his Female Partner

[serenekitten]

Thanks again, folks.

I'm afraid no amount of showing him anything (videos, websites, etc.) is going to change his mind -- he's just too stubborn.

The good news is that I'm the exact same way, and I'm holding all the cards in the situation.

For now, we're just going to sit back and relax and wait.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by serenekitten

Thanks again, folks.

I'm afraid no amount of showing him anything (videos, websites, etc.) is going to change his mind -- he's just too stubborn.

Both, my husband and I are VERY stubborn as well. But when it comes to well-being of our kids we can change our mind in a heartbeat if presented with trustworthy info/facts. So, I would say definitely show him the circ vodeo as well as the new 20 min long video called "Circumcision Decision" http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...65256830319025

[jessjgh1]

Originally Posted by serenekitten

Thanks again, folks.
I'm afraid no amount of showing him anything (videos, websites, etc.) is going to change his mind -- he's just too stubborn.
The good news is that I'm the exact same way, and I'm holding all the cards in the situation.
For now, we're just going to sit back and relax and wait.

Then as you suggest (relax /wait...) do your best to close the situation- don't spend more time worrying about it. You know YOU ARE not going to do it, no more discussion/energy needs to be spent on it. Leave yourself free to focus more on the many other things you can do to plan for a wonderful preganancy and birth.
Perhaps at some point he'll start to see how dis-harmonious (is that a word?) circumcision feels with all the other energy being focused on creating a healthy and peaceful experience (for everyone- you, your son, even your partner).
I think I mentioned (sorry for going on/on about our situation) I spent a lot of time agonizing over the circumcison issue, including the religious aspect of it, in the end dh WAS just being stubborn-- be he just refused to discuss, and wasn't wasting his time/energy. I don't regret a second of my time spent, but I wish I could have had the resolve to just let it be and know I would just protect my son when the time came- that I didn't need to defend my decision or build a case or know every answer/detail.
It would have been helpful to have more time to have created more of a support system for our birth, breastfeeding and babymoon time and that would have then supported the issue of intactness. More of a support system then would have been helpful because of all the uncertainty and being overwhlemed I almost caved in to let it happen because I was just to darn exhausted, tired of fighting, and hormonal. But deep down even as I said something like 'i give up, it will probably end up allright, you make the decision' to dh, I deep down knew that would destroy me as well as destroy my relationship with my husband (we had repair work to do after all that anyways).
Luckily by then dh realized that the issue WAS that serious AND that upsetting to me, and he realized he wasn't so keen on it either. We don't really discuss this much, but the times it has come up he's been actually a little supportive- which is quite a statement considering all. We had such a time trying to have a beautiful birth (and didn't get exactly the way we wanted it), I fought so hard to breastfeed, and our little one was just so amazing, and tiny and dependant on us-- all of that to him really made him quite protective- for example, he fully supported delaying any decision on circumcision till breastfeeding was going better.

It's no fun to spend a pregnancy AND post-partum period fighting a battle. If you need to fight it, you'll know it, and you will be able to.

((Hugs)) and hang in there.

Jessica

[robertandenith]

Originally Posted by serenekitten

The good news is that I'm the exact same way, and I'm holding all the cards in the situation.

I am glad you are standing up for your son! thanks for doing this, for holding tight!