Long, slightly venty post... do forgive.
Oh Caroline, I only wish the queasies would go away. I guess I'm not as tired as I was last week or the week before, but I am still feeling as ooky.
I have had the serious weepies this week... Tuesday night I bawled out of sheer guilt. We've been trying so hard to get pregnant, and here I am, finally pregnant and nothing short of resentful toward the baby for feeling so sick 16 hours out of the day (no exaggeration!!). No joy or thrill to be pregnant, just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I felt SO bad about it! My sobbing kind of blindsided Jo but she responded in grand form and pointed out that most anyone would be fed up if they had been feeling sick to their stomach for 6 weeks in a row! Bless her.
Last night we got into a discussion about finances and whether we can really afford for me to stay home with sprout for 5 years. As I've said before, this is Jo's biggest concern with the pregnancy. It all just came down on me and I bawled, asserted that we are insane to be having a kid, in our small, old, cluttered, lead-painted house on a single academia salary. I mean, what are we doing? We can't even manage to get our own laundry washed on weekends - how will we get all those nappies washed on a day to day basis? Where the he** are we going to put all of these thousands of books so the kid can eventually have their own room? Is the bathroom reno ever going to get finished?
The answers are, of course, yes, the bathroom reno will probably be done by May, I'll get into a rhythm of washing diapers on a daily basis, we'll stop eating out and save a lot of money that way, the lead paint will be painted over this summer while I'm gone at camp, and... well, I really don't know where all of the thousands (again, no exaggeration... Jo's a bibliophile) of books are going to go, but I guess we'll find a place, won't we? We have no choice.
But it's making me feel totally out of control. "But you are!!" says my co-worker Deb. The baby's in charge, and she says I should relish it. Relish it?!!
9 weeks done today. Looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. Where is it?!
Banana girl you do have the best husband ever. I just asked Jo if she would make me a waffle and all I got was an eyeroll and "I hate how they smell". If I weren't so tired, I'd blow a gasket. In lieu of blowing a gasket, maybe I'll just get weepy again.
Thank you for letting me gripe!
Jen
ps: to add insult to injury: The high temp today was well below zero F, with a windchill factor AGAIN. Special for our Canadian friends: I saw a bank sign today that told me it was -23 C.
it will all come together and Jo will likely become more "into" it when you start to look pregnant, it's hard for the other person to comphrehend the huge changes that are going on right now.
Follow Mothering