Feeling sick and sad

[mamassong]

I'm new here on MDC, and I've been avoiding this subforum because I regret circ'ing my 2 yr old DS. So here I am reading all of these threads and I'm feeling really guilty.

One thing that I just read that makes me sick feeling is how you shouldn't retract the skin, and I'm remembering when our (former) ped. checked his diaper area at his 6 mo. well baby visit and told me that because I hadn't been cleaning his penis properly, the incision had 'grown over', so he had me hold him and he forcefully retracted it, causing it to bleed, then covered it with vaseline and bandaged it. He told me it was necessary for proper healing, and to avoid a 're-circ'. He said that I should do this at every diaper change.

Now, I didn't feel comfortable with it at the time, and I don't know why I just let it happen..it just kind of went so fast, and I was feeling guilty that I didn't "clean" his penis properly, so I thought it was my fault, and that he must know better than me. I don't know. But I never did that again, and we moved shortly after and got a new ped. She now says not to worry about the tip of his penis being almost all the way covered, that as he grows the 'fat pad' will lessen and his penis will elongate.

So, it was difficult for me to admit all of that, I apologize if this doesn't make sense. I wish I had been more careful and informed.

Now, is there anything I can do to help promote a healthy penis, despite having been forcefully retracted? He is still skittish when I'm gently cleansing during a diaper change or bath.

Thank you for listening.

[Treece]

A place to find solace is in the "If you regret...." thread

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410

Most of us understand. Even those of us who never did. We are in a circing society. It is (or used to be) so common that it was the norm. I have been told circ jokes, told about a mother keeping her sons' foreskins so she "could always have a piece of them with her," I laughed at a friend who passed out during a circumcision. Ya know, we've all been there at least to an extent. I thought about it with my first, not knowing at all what it entailed. My xh said he!! no. I researched, I agreed. The only difference between me and you is that. I was enlightened before, you after. Don't beat yourself up. Educate your son.

Marilyn Milos, the one who started http://www.nocirc.com circed her sons. She is probably THE biggest name in this movement.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by mamassong

I'm new here on MDC, and I've been avoiding this subforum because I regret circ'ing my 2 yr old DS. So here I am reading all of these threads and I'm feeling really guilty.

First, welcome to the board, I wish it was under better circumstances. I am so sorry to hear about your boy but I think what you should be thinking about is what to do from here. People make mistakes and the important thing is not the mistake or what led to it but what you do when you realize it. That's part of why we're here for, to give you the knowledge and confidence to make the best of this situation and make a better decision should the opportunity occur again or at the very least educate others. And give him a hug.

Originally Posted by mamassong

One thing that I just read that makes me sick feeling is how you shouldn't retract the skin, and I'm remembering when our (former) ped. checked his diaper area at his 6 mo. well baby visit and told me that because I hadn't been cleaning his penis properly, the incision had 'grown over', so he had me hold him and he forcefully retracted it, causing it to bleed, then covered it with vaseline and bandaged it. He told me it was necessary for proper healing, and to avoid a 're-circ'. He said that I should do this at every diaper change.

Now, I didn't feel comfortable with it at the time, and I don't know why I just let it happen..it just kind of went so fast, and I was feeling guilty that I didn't "clean" his penis properly, so I thought it was my fault, and that he must know better than me. I don't know. But I never did that again, and we moved shortly after and got a new ped. She now says not to worry about the tip of his penis being almost all the way covered, that as he grows the 'fat pad' will lessen and his penis will elongate.

Yikes, go with the info from the second ped just leave things be that is what works bet I think.

Originally Posted by mamassong

So, it was difficult for me to admit all of that, I apologize if this doesn't make sense. I wish I had been more careful and informed.

Now, is there anything I can do to help promote a healthy penis, despite having been forcefully retracted? He is still skittish when I'm gently cleansing during a diaper change or bath.

Thank you for listening.

You took a big step tonight, be proud of yourself. Keep reading and participate for your next son, for your friends son, for a stranger's son. I think you'll find we're a very friendly group of people who are more than happy to help you the best we can.

If what remains of his foreskin has partially covered the glans of the penis, I think the best thing is to just leave it be. Wipe it like a finger let nature take it's course. I am sure others might be able to contribute more but my guess is the advice will be along those lines.

[mamassong]

Thank you

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by mamassong

Thank you

You're welcome. I wanted to add there are several parents here who circumcised one or more sons before coming here so you're in good company. So stick around, ask questions. Perhaps ask some of those other parents to step up and identify themselves? They'll tell you.

[fruitful womb]

Your story is the very reason why I wish there was a law enacted to make unwarrented genital surgery on healthy infant and children illegal. I wish it was already illegal when I had my first ds. It actually is but tollerated just like slavery was illegal but tollerated for so long until the civil rights movement. He had every right to be protected just as my daughter does.

It happened to my first ds. I feel so incredibly angry, and guilty and will never (within my power) have a baby in the hospital again! As long as they're still cutting up healthy baby boys I will NOT go near that place while pregnant!


That's just me. There are some incredibly powerful parents with their protective instincts that manage to excape the hospital with their sons intact. GOOD FOR THEM!!! There are some resources that will protect your future son(s) from being sexually reduced. Like this circ refusal form. Storng words, but this is an issue that makes my blood boil and its time the euphanisms were unveiled for what they really are.

You're not alone.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[latinalonestar]

Thank you for sharing with us.

I hope you stick around and continue to find support here. We have so many moms that have the feelings that you are having.

Just leave it alone as jwhispers has said. I wouldn't worry about his penis retreating into his fat pad. For now all his penis needs to do is pee, if it is doing that then it is working right. By puberty you can address unresolved issues, should there be any. Most boys grow out of the buried penis that you described.

I hope you know that you are such an important voice in this cause. You might find that using your voice can bring peace and diminish some of the guilty feelings you are having. You are very brave and there is so much you can do to protect other boys.

I don't know if you have read about foreskin restoration but it is a way that circumcised men can non-surgically restore and reverse some of the damage of circumcision. When your son is an adult this is something you can make him aware of.

Welcome!
jen

[Yulia_R]

Welcome to MDC and to TCAC!

I'm so sorry you didn't have the right information before it was too late for your little one .

While my son is intact I did go through the same guilt/deep regret experience about vaccinating my son. I didn't know the facts at the time he was a baby, then I was avoiding the vaccine forum for some time because I was too afraid to find out. When I finally started my research I was so sad, mad and sick to my stomach . I still have this intense feeling of guilt and regret. Educating other people on the subject does help a lot.

When we know better we do better .