Who do I need at my homebirth?

[mpvelaz]

I am due in August and planning a homebirth. I want to keep the number of people at my birth to the absolute min. I will have my DH there. I will also have a midwife and she has an apprentace that will be there. I am also hiring a doula, who I am hoping to also take pictures. The thing I keep going back and forth about is whether I need another person for DS who will be 2 at the time or if I have enough support people and the doula could possibly be in charge of DS also. If I need someone else I'm not really sure who, I don't have any family or close friends that I would want there. Any input?

[dogmom327]

I have a similar dilemma. You need to talk to your doula, etc. about expectations. Normally doula's are there to support mom and dad, not to care for children but it's possible your doula would be open to this. I think ideally you should have someone who can be DS's support person. Who doesn't need to be there for the actual birth in case DS doesn't want to be (or you decide you don't want him there, etc.). But I completely understand not wanting a bunch of people around.

[carseatqueen]

I just had a (fast) homebirth. I delivered 56 minutes after the midwife arrived.
It ended up being just the midwife and my DH there and it was wonderful. My 5.5 yr old was actually in the living room the whole time, too, but I didn't want her to come back until right after I had the baby and she was okay with that.

The mw apprentice didn't make it in time. My SIL was going to be there with my 2 yr old DS, but we didn't think she would make it in time so we sent DS to a friend's house that lives 5 minutes away. SIL and DS arrived about 30 minutes after I had the baby.

I think if I had a long labor and wanted someone to be *with* me all the time, rubbing my back, etc, it could have been nice to have one other person- like a doula or mom, etc, but I like to be alone/busy in early labor and I think my transition lasted about 30 seconds before I was ready to push, so I never had that issue. My mom would have been there except she was 20 hours away since baby came a bit early.

[lindsayjean]

I am due in July and having the same questions. I want DH to focus on me- not our DD who will be almost 2.5. We will have MW, MW apprentice, and Doula there. I need to talk to my doula about it, I'm hoping to just give birth while DD is sleeping because I am not sure if I would be okay with her there. I just think I'd focus too much on HER and worry about HER and not be able to get down to business. But, I guess it's hard to predict! So I am trying to just have a couple of scenerios and plan for them.

So, my mom (who is anti homebirth actually lol) said she would take DD to her house if we want her to, she lives about 25 minutes away though. We could potentially also drop her off at my grandparents house which is only a couple of minutes away if it's a decent time of day, but they do not know we're having a homebirth so I'm erring on the side of my mom and just have her bring her right home afterwards.

If it's the middle of the night and she's sleeping we'll just let her sleep and if she wakes up then I'm going to talk to my doula about her and my husband kind of taking turns with her as needed. She is such a daddy's girl though I'm worried she'll just cling to him and he won't be able to be part of the birth or something. But I suppose then she could just be there with him watching.

*so, no, I don't think we'll have a support person just for her there. Mostly because our house is seriously TINY and I don't think anyone else will FIT. If we had a bigger house, maybe 2 levels or something, I would have someone for DD and they could go off someplace on there own, but it's going to be impossible to get away from birth in the tight quarters.

[Overthemoon]

I'm having the bare minimum of people. I have 3 dc and my plan is to call my brother to come to help out with them once I am in labor. I'll also have dh and my midwife and her assistant.

My midwife did say it's best to try to have another person there besides dh for my 2 year old, in case we both need him at once. My dd's I know would be fine if I didn't have help here for them so it's more for benefit of my ds.
But that's all hoping my brother makes it in time, which I hope he will. If not, I'm sure it will work out fine.
When I had my ds in the hospital, we had our dds in the room with us and it was great. (we didn't have anyone to watch them)

edited to add: my dc are 2, 5 and 7.

[MamaQuest]

My first homebirth it was just me, DH, and the midwife. I'd been having a hard morning (didn't realize it was a prelude to labor) so I had called a friend down the street and sent the kids there for a bit, so they weren't even there, though we hadn't planned on having anyone there for them. Was just going to have them playing downstairs, since they play well by themselves. They were 4, 3, and 18 months at the time, and I knew they'd be fine with things, but I also knew that I labor fast, so it wouldn't be all that long for them anyway if they weren't so fine. My friend brought them back 15 minutes after Rhys was born, right when she said she would... and was shocked to find out I'd gone into labor and had the baby in the less than 2 hours she'd had them at her house.

For my last one, I had arranged for my mom to come watch the other kids, but a snowstorm delayed her. She arrived as he was crowning. The other kids had been quietly whispering in the room down the hall all about how Mommy was sounding like a cow, so that means the baby was coming, and they were sooooo excited. Again, no need for a support person, but maybe my kids are just unusual? I loved having it just be me and DH last time, though, in the room.

Do you have any friends in your neighborhood that might be willing to set up an informal "playdate" for your little one, when you go into labor? DH can then call them if your little one isn't handling things well, and they can spend part of the time close by, but not in the house, which may be all your little one needs.

[Munki'sMom]

All there for mine:

Me
Dh
3 year old DD
5 year old DD
MW
2 assistants
My mom
My MIL (right before actual delivery though)
My best friend/photographer
HER little girl, who is 4.

That was perfect. There was enough people to assist me and make sure my girls were taken care of. It was perfect amount of people imo. I love that they all got to experience a homebirth.

[inkedmamajama]

i had and NEEDED at my homebirth:

midwife
midwife apprentice
doula
support person for my 2 yr old daughter
my husband
me


it may seem like a lot of people, but it was perfect and i REALLY REALLY believe that if you have another child, they need a person there dedicated JUST FOR THEM. i was able to not worry about her, and really focus on what i needed to. also it was great for just after my baby was born and i could stay in the moment.

[Nursingnaturalmom]

I had different people at my 2 HB's.
For the first one, I had my husband and midwives. My Mother was there to watch and care for the kids that were still awake and be there just in case anyone else woke up.

My second, I had my midwife her assistant, a friend to do pictures and my husband.

I think both were fine. But to be honest if I could just have my husband and midwife there this time, that would be best. However, my 11 year old wants to be there and I"m still thinking on that one.

[mom2sol]

1st HB: DH and me for most of it and then midwife and assistant- wish now we would have had a doula!

2nd HB: DH and me (of course ) Grandma to watch kid, great grandma who was staying with grandma at the time, doula, friend, midwife and assistant! Whew... a few too many but it was fun- we all laughed and joked and had a good time. It was actually a good distraction and labor was easy and amazing...


This time though I'm trying to cut down on the number. No doula, one person to watch kids and midwife and her assistant.

[angelapittman]

I had quite a few people: my MW, my pastor, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, father-in-law, husband, and my 2 year old were there. My mom and about 6 friends and the MW's apprentice didn't make it on time. I was in early labor for about 2 hours with just my 2 year old and myself...then when my husband got home and things started getting harder, I got grumpy and started snapping at my husband to take care of my whining toddler. My point is, definitely get someone to take care of your 2 year old!