Panic, anxiety & depression over ttc

[*Jade*]

Does anyone else go through this?

I am just coming out of a month long embago on ttc and ttc thoughts because my anxiety has skyrocketed to the point I am having panic attacks.

I'm just trying to find a balance that helps me get pregnant, but also keeps me sane!

Has anyone else been through this?

[wtg4miracle]

Jade--oh yeah I am going through severe depression right now. I had gotten bad news that both of my tubes are blocked. This was so unexpected from my lap surgery. We are still numb and shocked over this. Our only way to conceive is through IVF. With my age I have about about 30% chance. Thats it.

I am afraid I can't give dh a child. I am thinking baby baby baby all the time. My arms and heart ache for a baby. At one point I don't know how I can live normally if we can't conceive. Its horrible feeling and wonder why its happening. I don't know why the (higher ups) has chosen us to go this path. There are no words to describe IF. Its painful and detrimental to or emotional well-being. Sometimes I totally freak out and do have panic attacks. I totally break done and cry at work, in the car, grocery store. I mean everywhere. How long can this go on. I hate myself for getting mad and angry at pregnant women.

Dh says we can adopt. I am somewhat ok with it but I will always will have that pain and heartbreak of never knowing what our child would of become. I am trying to take one day at a time and hoping for the best.

You are not alone in this ugly journey. All I can do for you is give you a big

[crazyrunningmama]

Hi Jade. I think we have ALL been through this and continue to experience it. Many 's to you. You are certainly not alone in your feelings.

If you can, find a counselor experienced with fertility issues, use your local crisis line to vent and look into mind/body strategies that might help you. (Alice Domar - Conquering Infertility is a good one that helped me).
http://www.amazon.com/Conquering-Inf...7739926&sr=8-1

I don't tell people about our If issues in real life because people don't know what the right thing to say is, and often ask painful questions. However, I did very carefully choose one friend who I can vent to and I have gotten a lot of support here on MDC. One of the super crappy things about IF is that our partners and spouses experience it too, so there is only so much support they are able to offer, since they are dealing with their own emotions.

[booja's mom]

Hi Jade,

I totally understand where you are right now. After my last failed IVF cycle I was very depressed. I did find some comfort in a support group. I found my support group throught RESOLVE. Also if you could find a therapist or counselor that specializes in infertility that will also really help.

Hang in there....

~Clara

[by-the-lake]

Just stopping in to say, yes to your post. But then I started accupuncture, and it helped these feelings tremenously. I began to replace the anxiety and depression with a calm foundation. Can you look into it?

[*Jade*]

Thanks for sharing your stories.

BTL - mmm, acupuncture is very relaxing! I should look back into that.

I should update, I saw my GP today, and signed up for anti-depressants and free counseling, so that's a good start. I'm hoping both of these, as well as acknowledging the issues will really help.

[*Jade*]

I just wanted to update again, the month off worked!! I'm now pregnant, and due in Dec!

[crazyrunningmama]

OMG!!!! : Congratulations, that is so awesome!!!! Have a peaceful and healthy 40 weeks!! :

[Jenn A]

Originally Posted by *jade*

i just wanted to update again, the month off worked!! I'm now pregnant, and due in dec!

congrats!!!!

[mb2009]

Sad and frustrated too

I identify with your feelings going through this process. It's very frustrating and emotionally draining. I went through it in 2006/07 when had 3 m/c's and had high anxiety, depression, and started to have panic attacks but fortunately I finally had a baby in 2007. B/c of my age (39) I decided to ttc again when he was 1 so now another year has passed and no pregnancy -- now have secondary fertility problems so who knows if I will have another m/c but right now can't even get pregnant. I set myself up to cope better with m/c this time round but life threw me a curb ball with problems ttc too. So a year ttc has brought back the anxiety and depression though so far no panic attacks. I remind myself to cope better this time round b/c I have a 20 month old to care for but it's hard. I keep myself busy with him so in some ways it's easier but nights are hard when I fall apart. Before I saw a therapist for the panic attacks, as well as did yoga and exercised and all helped somewhat, but I think eventually getting pregnant and it stayed stopped the panic attacks, though anxiety continued through pregnancy b/c I was worried having had the m/c's. Just this month I started acupuncture though not sure if helping my emotional distress or fertility problems but people say it helps so I'm trying it, and I stopped exercising and eating poorly due to depression but I know I need to get back to being healthier for many reasons - fertility, my general health etc but it's hard feeling motivated. Sometimes I think I should quit while I'm ahead with one kid but now that I decided ttc another I'm back in the game and hard to leave despite anxiety and depression. Anyway, I feel your distress and recommend that you connect with people and do what you can to cope. For me setting small goals helped me get through though I need to take my own advice this time round again.

[KarinaNYC]

Congrats!!

[QUOTE=wtg4miracle;13410291]
I am afraid I can't give dh a child. I am thinking baby baby baby all the time. My arms and heart ache for a baby. At one point I don't know how I can live normally if we can't conceive. Its horrible feeling and wonder why its happening. I don't know why the (higher ups) has chosen us to go this path. There are no words to describe IF. Its painful and detrimental to or emotional well-being. Sometimes I totally freak out and do have panic attacks. I totally break done and cry at work, in the car, grocery store. I mean everywhere. How long can this go on. I hate myself for getting mad and angry at pregnant women.

Oh, I could've written your post. I can relate so well...I also break down and hate myself for reacting that way. I also feel terrible for my DH, because I know I burden him w/my emotional state, but thankfully he's a patient & kind man who's very undestanding. May we all find peace soon w/our sitauations.

~Kari

[farra786]

Anxious and Depressed Too

I have been doing a lot of reading of different posts/message boards online and this is the first time ever I have replied or posted anything online. My husband and I have been ttc our first child for a few months now. I am having extreme anxiety, anxiousnes and depression about it lately...especially today. Today is cd28 for me, and I keep getting a negative HPT test, I just know whats coming around the corner. It feels like we have been ttc for EVER, but when i tell my husband that, he tells me to stop worrying and its only been a few months. Still I turned 30 in January and just wish i tried earlier to have kids. I am now 100% consumed with this journey and don't feel like focusing on anything else in my life but this. I have lost interest in friends/activities/socializing etc too.

I found out a couple of years back that i have "a mild case of PCOS" and since then have been consumed with learning everythng about this disorder and managing it so i can have kids. I am on Metformin and Clomid. Next month will be my 6th round of Clomid. I feel so anxious and stressed and today i felt like i couldn't breathe, my chest has been feeling tight and have feel like i have a permenant lump in my throat. I feel like i have no one to talk to about my struggles, not even my mom, someone i am closest to. I just need some release, hopefully this post will alleviate some of it. Thanks for listening...

[georgiep]

What you are feeling is sooooooo normal. I ttc for 4 1/2 years and some months didn't know how I could make it thru emotionally. The only thing that helped me was taking matters into my own hands by reading and researching everything I could get my hands on about my high FSH levels. For some reason when I was active in this process I felt better and almost like I had some control over the situation instead of feeling like I just had to sit and be at the mercy of the Drs and everything else about my situation. I never stopped even when two Drs told me that I would never conceive with my eggs. In researching I found out about DHEA and my little one just turned a year - WOW!! My Dr told me the other day that or baby is nothing short of a miracle and that it just proves that Dr's don't know everything. I hope this helps.