First of all...CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of your twins!! How cool that they were born on Christmas Eve. My girls turned 1 on the 16th.
I can completely relate to your feelings about your oldest dd. My dd, Haven, was 27-months-old when her sisters were born. Up until then it was always Mommy and Haven. We went everywhere and did everything together. If you saw me you knew Haven wasn't too far behind. We got pregnant again when Haven was about 18-months-old and soon after found out we were expecting twins. I remember looking at my dd (she was at the ultrasound with us) and thinking of how she had no clue how much our lives were about to change. Haven was - and still is - my soulmate. We are like two peas in a pod and the thought of that changing was unbearable to me.
When I was sent to be induced (due to high bp), I was at the doctor's office with Haven...dh was at work. Haven and I headed to the hospital together but I made a side trip to McDonald's to get her a treat and to savor the last few moments of just "us". I had my dh take a last picture of us together too.
I remember all too well the moments after she met her new sisters and how heartbroken we both were. When she first came into the room I cried just looking at her. I felt like someone who had been caught cheating.
I held her and cried...cried for missing her and cried for her world being rocked. The first introductions were okay but when her sisters needed to nurse she broke down (she had just weaned 2 months before they were born). I sobbed and she sobbed. We both recovered and she has since that moment on taken her baby sisters into her arms, her life and her heart.
I still look back and miss those moments when she and I could just pick up and go wherever we wanted...when I could watch her gymnastics classes without running around after two babies...when I could lay with her while she fell asleep and was right there when she woke up crying...when she never had to get it herself or do it alone. But I also watch her with her sisters...reading them books...picking them up when they fall...drying their tears...whispering to them "It's okay...I'm here". I also watch her "nursing" her twin baby dolls and know without a doubt that these moments are priceless and worth every stuggle we face along the way.
Geez...who knew this one post would unlock so many feelings for me. Having twins is such an amazing and special thing. I thank God daily for having blessed me with such miracles. I also thank him for the amazing gift of Haven. Without her...I wouldn't be the mother I am today!