Please help, can't handle the screaching!

[autumnfairy76]

Hi, I hope I can find some help here.Let me say the background first:
Last summer I got tinnitus in my ears. Chronic, intrusive humming in the ears that never stops due to noise trauma from an alarm. It caused severe suffering, distress, depression and anxiety for several months when DD was only 4 months old. Then I began to manage it somewhat better and only occasionally fell into those emotions. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life. And that says a lot.
Once ears are damaged due to noise they become much more fragile to future injury and are painful when there are loud sounds. Now that DD is just about a year she is screaching and screaming a lot. Last week she screached for no reason just inches from my ear. Later that day I experienced partial hearing loss and that ear has a new ringing (in addition to what was already there) for the past 5 days. The new ringing is not likely to go away...ever. It has renewed all the feelings of anxiety I felt the first time the tinnitus began. I have lost almost all patience with the screaching. My husband and I try to tell her firmly "NO." everytime she screams, but it continually happens over and over. I loose my cool and yell at her because I am so afraid of further permanent damage to my ears. Is she just too young to learn not screach? I can handle the crying, just not the screaming. Please help, I feel terrible for yelling at her. Do I just need to wear earplugs all day?? I've tried wearing them during times I know she is more likely to screach (in the highchair, diaper changes) , but then she'll surprise me by screaching at the cat when I don't have the earplugs in.

[fritz]

My advice was going to be to wear earplugs. At her young age, random screeching/screaming/squealing is totally normal. My son was still doing random loud noises at 3 years old, but a lot less frequently than before. My DH also has tinnitis, but his seems quieter and less bothersome than yours...but he too had to resort to earplugs during the peak tantrum times. Heck, my ears are fine, and I've resorted to earplugs on a few occasions too.

You could also try investing in a pair of sound-deadening headphones. Yes, they're bigger than earplugs, but it might work better for you to keep them around your neck to quickly pull them up.

I wouldn't expect a one year old to have the self control to not make really loud noises, though. Even at 2 years of age, her self-control will be pretty spotty, so you've still got a solid year aural assault coming your way. However, you can start practicing volume control with her now. It's just going to be a long road. When everyone's calm and happy (and your ears are protected), practice normal volume, whispering, talking softly, talking loudly, and yelling. Some families make a big deal about "inside" voices and "outside" voices. You could try that...but again, she's so young that she's not going to use her inside voice all the time.

My DH likes white noise in the background b/c then it makes the ringing in his ears less noticeable. Would that work for you? (Fan/humidifier, or softly playing music or radio static) It might also take some of the edge off your daughter's high pitched noises.

[Attached Mama]

Our dd went thru a screaching stage and this is what worked for us.
First off, we told her that if she wanted to screech she needed to go in the other room because it hurt our ears. That didn't work so well - rather comical and even more annoying as she (around 18 mos) would slam the bedroom door, we'd hear screaming coming from in there, then she'd open it, peek her head out and say "Heyna (Helena) be wight back. I just gettin all my screamin out." and then she'd slam the door again. The door just added more noise.

Finally I used the same tactic I have used for most things with her "Can you do.... all by yourself or do you need mommy to help you?" So with this it was "use your gentle voice". If she didn't stop screaching or said she needed help I'd gently but firmly place my hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. Never over her nose of course... She would actually ask for help. However once she realized that her choices were do it herself or have a hand over her mouth, the hand over mouth lost it's fun appeal very quickly. After a second she'd stop screaching and I'd hear something muffled - I'd remove my hand and she was saying "i can use my gentle voice all by myself now". And since those were the only choices, like I said, it wasn't so fun for very long and she quickly got over doing it all the time.

That being said, she'd still screech from time to time - espec when she was bored in the car. So yeah, I'd get some earplugs if I were you.

But I disagree that kids as young as 1 can't learn. You could try just placing your hand gently but enough to muffle the sound, over her mouth and saying "so and so needs to use her gentle voice". Or if she is sensitive, she might respond to you acting a bit scared with a bit louder than normal "owe!" However, dd is sensitive and she always thought things like that were funny- she just didn't get them when she was younger.

She will likely realize quickly if screeching gets her voice muffled that sceaching isn't so fun anymore. She'll still try it from time to time, but it will likely greatly decrease how much she does it *if* you are consistent.

Good luck and ((hugs)) to you. Sounds like you have come thru quite the challenge!

[BCFD]

I will sometimes throw my hands over my ears and grimace like you wouldn't believe and say, "ow ow OWWWWWWWWWWW...oh my goodness OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW that hurts so much stop please!" but in a very quiet voice. I swear they look at me like I've lost my marbles. It usually shocks them to see me so over the top dramatic that they stop. I have to really make it believable though - like Oscar material. I've tried the screaming, but honestly all that does it make me more frustrated. Then I feel guilty because I screamed at them.

[Aeress]

Screaching is probably the biggest issue I am dealing with right now. My dd is 17months and screams when mad, happy, excited and fustrated.
Sometimes using my softest voice will distract her. I also use, "shhh" momma can't hear" or I can touch my ear and her ear and say loud.

How is your dd's receptive language? Much of how she responds will be based on what words work for her.

Goodluck! I have ear issues as well.
I feel your pain

[Mizelenius]

I am so, so sorry, mama! My mom has tinnitus and I am worried I'll develop it, too, with all the screaming/screeching that goes on. Lately I've been having headaches that morph into migraines (for days) and the noise of people yelling (my 2 little ones) has been too much.

I am from the school of thought that says (1) you can't control anyone and (2) these things are about impulse control, and if the impulse control isn't there yet, there isn't much you can do. You can set the stage to teach but this won't guarantee anything . . .and if your DD screeches, it may make you even more upset because things aren't going as you hoped.

Thus, I think earplugs would be the best idea. You need to work on protecting yourself, not changing DD. Letting DD know how you feel with the excellent advice from pps-- yes, but expecting anything-- no.