Danger Discipline with 19 mo.

[catters]

If there's already a thread on this somewhere, please direct, but I've searched, I swear!

So, DS is 19 months old and, like I am sure, ALL 19 month olds, is into everything as well as has NO IDEA about danger. I definitely don't want to come off as scary mommy or anything to him and want him to understand that things can hurt him (uh, like cars!!?).

How do you teach your kids (gently) about danger? We live in a condo so we have to go through the parking lot to our parking space. I have done the "we hold hands when there are cars" and sometimes that works, but other times he breaks away, or just randomly throws himself onto the ground. I'd love to carry him everywhere, but I am 8 months pregnant and it just is getting tooooo hard to keep doing that. He needs to learn this right?

Also, he'll just bolt if I don't have a hand on him constantly. Like he's subconsciously drawn to streets and parking lots. This happens at the park too, so I'm always chasing him and, being hugely pregnant, this is getting much harder. The kid is fast. I've tried, "STOP" and "FREEZE" games with him, but its' like he doesn't hear me. And if I yell his name, no stopping. He doesn't even acknowledge it. (He does, though, respond to his name in other situations, just not when he's honing in on something he wants to do/play with, etc).

Am I expecting too much from him at this age? Something tells me yes, but I am just not sure what else to do aside from the kiddie leash thing. J/K. Sort of.

I'm afraid that once the baby gets here and I have to go out with them both that this will only get worse. I mean, she'll be worn in a sling or whatever a lot, but its not like I can really run like that, kwim? Also, we're moving to a pretty busy neighborhood soon, and I'm just worried about him running out into danger. And if he doesn't want to hold hands, he throws a tantrum.

Sorry to ramble on. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

[fritz]

Yes, it's a common phase. Yes, it eventually passes. Yes, your son is too young to be trusted to recognize a dangerous situation and hold onto your hand all the time. Your son's safety comes first. If you have limited mobility (and you definitely do), you simply can't keep up with him. You can either leave him home (w/ DH or other caregiver) while you run your errands (I did this a lot), or you can limit your son's mobility.

My DS was happy to be in the sling all the time when we were out running errands together. So I didn't get a taste of the toddler deathwish fun until DS was 3 years old. Then he wanted to walk from the car, across the parking lot into the store. I told him he could walk if he held my hand, but if he didn't hold my hand, he'd have to go in the sling or I'd have to pick him up. Same with crossing the street on our daily walks. He didn't always want to hold my hand. And yes, he had a variety of meltdowns when I wouldn't let him cross the street or parking lot by himself. But my need to make sure he stayed safe trumped his need to be Mr. Independent. After a month or so, he finally accepted that if he wanted to walk across the street or parking lot, he had to hold my hand.

Because he was older, it was a fairly short learning curve. And I wasn't pregnant while carrying a furiously frustrated little boy a block back to the house. Yelling my son's name didn't work either...unless I said it at least five times in a row in a sort of fast chant. It took that long for it to penetrate into his 3 yr old brain. I'd definitely keep practicing the Simon Says and Freeze games, though, b/c he'll eventually mature enough to exercise his self control. It just won't be right now.

[tropicaldutchtulip]

We play red light, green light and yellow light at home at that age. That helped them so much in the parking lots. I would explain the difference in the three as we would walk in and from the stores. Also maybe the book Old Hat New Hat might help too. I know that is a funny book, but there is a big page with "WAIT" and the bear's hand held out! My girls got it! I also have a you have to hold a hand policy or be carried. We are very GD about it, but it has to be done. I also taught them the sign for danger and we talk about why we have to hold hands. Can you park next to the buggie corral and get a cart and put your LO right in there from the car? I've had to do that before. Or if you have a light stroller put him in that to get inside the store then put him in the cart and store the stroller underneath. My girls did not understand the "no" (we don't use no anyway!), "stop", "freeze" that age either. You can also play "I spy with my little eye" with him as you are walking in and out to keep his mind off of actually holding your hand. Or what about a special hand hold? My girls have this little hand game we made up that we play before we get out of the car or right before we walk back to the car.

Hope that helped some at least....

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I bought a backpack harnass. So yeah, I walk my 19 month old on a leash, cause its better than watching him get splatted by a car!

he's too young to understand, so I say either put him in a stroller or a harnass if you can't carry him. A harnass allows him to still walk and have some independance.

[catters]

Thanks everyone. At least I don't feel alone with my belief that this is just what a 19 month old does. My only barometer on these issues are my nephew and nieces. My nephew was SUPER cautious as a child and my 3 yo niece is a crazy x-gamer, no fear kind of kid. I'd say my son is somewhere in between. Just lately, as he gets more and more independent I'm becoming more and more paranoid of something happening to him. I've even been woken by nightmares of him pulling a heavy drawer on himself and running into the road. I've NEVER had dreams like this before. It's crazy!!!

Anyway, I'll keep up with the stop/go games.

We DO have the Old Hat/New Hat book and Ronan loves it, so I'll exaggerate the "STOP" part!

You're all right about just working it out and eventually he'll get it. I mean, right now, I'm just constantly saying, "We hold hands in the parking lot, etc. etc" or else I carry him. I'm sure we'll have LOTS of future meltdowns, but obviously his safety is first and foremost to me. I am proud of myself for not getting mad or too frustrated about this as I know he's just trying to be independent, and has no idea that cars can be dangerous. We're going to Disney World this weekend, I think I might stowe a little backpack harness in the bottom of the stroller (as he'll tolerate it for short bursts only these days). I am sure he won't be the only little tyke on a leash if I DO pull it out.

I WISH I could leave him at home for errands and such but DH works WAY too much and has one day a week off and I can only get a nanny maybe one morning a week, which is filling up with prenatal appointments now. Yargh. I have no family nearby. Child care is 99.9% all me these days. Cry me a river, I know, I know! LOL

So, I'll just keep on keeping on. Thanks for the advice and commiseration, it really does help and I will continue doing what I'm doing and have taken your suggestions for things to try to heart!