Feeling akward and "sick"... :-(

[Moonchild77]

Hello,

My ds1 is now 3 years, I am tandemnursing for 4 mo now, with ds2 and ds1.
When I was pregnant, no decline in milk or nursing, ds1 nurses at night (2 times?) and with going to bed and waking up and if he is really tired/has a meltdown (preferably BEFORE he has a meltdown ;-) ) so I think 3 to 4 times in 24 hours??

Since like 1 mo, I am feeling akwrad while nursing him...
EVen to the point I feel sick .... :-(
WHen he was a tiny baby, I loved the way his eyes would roll and he would fall asleep , now I feel "angry"? sick, agitated.....
When I nurse ds2, it feels like ds2 is drinking, I am nursing, it is all okay.
When I nurse ds1, it feels like he is milking me?? I feel upset even writing this down....
I sometimes make up that the milk has run out, or that I HAVE to do someting, to stop him nursing.
He lets his head rest on my breasts, so sometimes he says the milk is finished, when I KNOW it is not so, but cause he is blocking the milkducts, the milk looks like it has run out and I sometimes tell him to lift his head or I say Yes, it is done and I get up....
When they dinrk togehter, it is really nice to see them look in each others eyes, but WHY do I feel so down, lately, when ds1 is nursing?? He needs it so bad, still, really, he can get so upset.....

I would really want to do CLW, but will these feelings pass??
When he nurses upright on my lap/next to me, it is not so bad, I cannot see his face/mouth, but when nursing upstairs on the bed, his face is so close to me and his sighs and noises make my stomach feel bad....like his sighs when his stomach is getting fuller, you know?? I used to love those sounds, now I HATE the swalloing.....!!! I feel such a bad mother......

help?

Véronique.

[MovingMomma]

You may find an improvement if you emphasize an excellent latch every time. I'm constantly telling DD "nurse nice."

And it's ok to limit nursing sessions to a length that you are comfortable with.

[EnchantedMamma]

Would you tell your child to continue something even if it made them feel 'sick'?

I may be a dissenting voice, but I've followed my intuition and I believe that for the most part we should at least consider our intuitions.

Can you pump for your older son, perhaps while nursing the younger?

[churndash]

You should not feel guilty at all. It's wonderful that you gave three years of nursing to your son. Your feelings are perfectly normal and you are not a bad mother!

The hard part is probably going to be helping your older son move on from the nursing while your younger child still needs to nurse. Thinking up other ways (perhaps brainstorming with your son) that the two of you can be close and comforting besides nursing, might help.

I am an advocate of CLW too, but when it gets to the point where you are miserable nursing or resenting your child for wanting to nurse...that's when I think it's healthier to wean. Better a weaned child with a mom who loves to be around him than a nursing child whose mother who feels sick around him, IMO.

[La Sombra]

Originally Posted by EnchantedMamma

Would you tell your child to continue something even if it made them feel 'sick'?

I may be a dissenting voice, but I've followed my intuition and I believe that for the most part we should at least consider our intuitions.

Can you pump for your older son, perhaps while nursing the younger?

This, and also what churndash said. Consider your feelings without judging them. Are you feeling touched-out? Do you feel like your ds2 deserves a more singularly-focused nursing relationship such as ds1 presumably had? Are you afraid of hurting ds1? Just think honestly about what it is that's making you feel this way and don't invalidate any thoughts you have.

If you do decide that it's best to wean ds1 (or even just cut way back on his nursing), then you'll of course want to consider--as churndash suggested--a strategy for making this as painless as possible for ds1.

If you decide not to wean, think about what--in the context of what it is exactly that is bothering you--you could do to make the relationship more enjoyable. Limiting feedings? Working on latch issues? Meditating beforehand? Not trying to sound snarky there! Really! My point is just that grinding your teeth and resenting your son just because you think it would be wrong to wean him doesn't really sound like a reasonable solution to me.

Without nudging you in either direction, I will just say that 3 years is a nice long go and further that I think there are certainly ways of ending a nursing relationship that don't have to be painful or damaging to the child. Other mammas might have more ideas, though, for how to overcome these feelings that you are having if it is indeed crucially important to you to continue nursing ds1.

I wish you good luck!

[AAK]

I am not tandem nursing, but last year I started resenting the nursing of Maya. She was not ready to wean (still nursing) but I was able to scale it back big time. That might help you. Perhaps, reducing the nursing -- which may evolve into a gentle weaning will be beneficial. I agree with everything previously said, clw is supposed to be good for both mom and child. When it gets negative, then try to modify it or wean. You want their memories of nursing to be positive. Not that of a mother who cringes.

Amy

[Lovenest]

Is there a time of day where you feel okay nursing him? Maybe do nursing at those times and redirect him other times. Hugs, I hope you can figure something out.

[Moonchild77]

thank you, for all the replies.


I cannot write much now (NAK with light sleeper ;-) )

I read good questions I am asking myself now

I know it will get better/diffrent


thankyou

[hollycat]

these gals all said it brilliantly but it seems to me the only "issue" here is you judging yourself as bad or wrong or your feelings or desires as bad or wrong.

they are not. youre an amazing mama and you get to have things your way, too, you know.

[Mom2E4]

I think I know how you're feeling.

Quick background- although I've nursed 4 babies, I only tandemed with #3 and #4. The first weaned at 2 years when I was pregnant with the second, and he weaned at just over 3 years, about 6 months before I got pregnant with the third.

Unlike you, my milk changed to colostrum fairly quickly when I was pregnant with #4, but we continued nursing through the pregnancy with very short sessions 3 or 4 times a day. After E4 was born, E3 was thrilled with the milk, and I was thrilled it was so much easier to nurse her! Until about 4 months. Then it was just like you described- when the littler nursed, she was just nursing, but when the bigger one nursed, it felt like she was trying to pull the milk out from my toes. I started dreading it, which made everything else about nursing her a little bit irritating. (Even now, that's hard to say.)

I knew I wanted to CLW if at all possible, and even if not, she seemed to still really need to nurse. We tried a few different things, different holds, nursing before or nursing after the baby, seeing if anything made a difference. The ones that helped the most for me was using a pillow so her head was a little higher, and she always nursed from the right side. The biggest thing though was really working on how she nursed. I made sure she opened wide, and asked her to nurse softly. I think it was because she was so efficient at pulling the milk out compared to the baby, she would get in one suck the amount of milk the baby would get in 4 or 5 sucks, and that feeling was just too much. So for us, I did find things that helped, or just time helped maybe, but it did get better. E3 weaned on her own over a year later at about 4.5 years.

I don't know if any of the particular things that worked for us would work for you, but I did want to share that for us the negative feelings did get better, if you still wanted to try.

[Mom2E4]

I totally forgot I was going to mention- it also may be hormonal? I know it's not very likely, but my cycles returned about 2-3 weeks later, and that may have had something to do with it in my situation.

However it works out for you, I think you sound like a pretty terrific mama.