Need help with a biter

[vermontgirl]

Hi everyone,

I am always so inspired by all of you wonderful mothers in the gentle discipline section.

Basically I am dealing with some pretty difficult behavior from my Harvest who will be three in a few months. I am very concerned about the biting. He bites his little sister who is only six months old. I try so hard to keep them apart but it happens in random situations. For example, today I was reading him a book and they were both in my lap and he leaned over and bit her. This is just an example but it actually happened THREE times today! It is so terrible. I am just so lost and have no idea what to do. He seems too old to be doing this.

Any ideas? Please only constructive criticism. I am just having such a tough time lately with him and I need support.

[mama_mojo]

Is he biting out of love? Maybe this sounds dumb, but I was a biter and still occasionally have the urge, and it's when I feel awash in like happiness. Like, if I'm cuddling one of my kids and they are just so amazing, I feel an urge to bite them. I bite DH. I'm old enough to know better, I stifle the urge, or I turn it into a playful nip, but there it is.

He's really little. If he has the urge and the opportunity (and even the most vigilant mother cannot avoid EVERY opportunity), he probably cannot help himself.

[sewcool]

when my son was younger (1) he would do it when really excited. We used to tell him to try kissing instead and it worked! we would be bouncing him on our legs and he would be kissing our knees. Anyway I know it sounds crazy but it worked for us. My guess is your son is either jealous of the new baby or loves her sooooooooo much, but usually it has to do with not being able to express and emotion.

[vermontgirl]

Wow thanks! I had not thought that he could be biting out of love but it makes sense! I totally have that urge from time to time. I will pay attention and reevaulate it. Should I discipline at all if it is out of love? How should I react?

[fritz]

Tell him what he can do instead (kisses, hugs, gentle touches) or offer him a chew toy or a washcloth if he just has to bite something. Then practice, practice, practice. Give gentle reminders, too. Try to stay calm, but show concern for the one being bitten. After taking care of the victim, explain to your biter that biting hurts and is not a good way to show love.

If it's more an expression of frustration/anger/jealousy, then tell/show him what he should be doing instead--using his words to say, "I'm frustrated/mad/upset" or come up with a phrase for him to use that will immediately get your attention focused on him.

Good luck!

[shandy]

Originally Posted by mama_mojo

Is he biting out of love? Maybe this sounds dumb, but I was a biter and still occasionally have the urge, and it's when I feel awash in like happiness. Like, if I'm cuddling one of my kids and they are just so amazing, I feel an urge to bite them. I bite DH. I'm old enough to know better, I stifle the urge, or I turn it into a playful nip, but there it is.

He's really little. If he has the urge and the opportunity (and even the most vigilant mother cannot avoid EVERY opportunity), he probably cannot help himself.

Wow. thank you so much for this perspective! DD2 is a biter and I hadn't thought about this angle...but when I think about it, she will bite when she seems quite happy...thank you

[carnalcindd]

I would have to agree that it may very well be an expression of love. My DS took me by complete surprise when we were cuddling and nuzzling and then he bit me. He did the same to my mom while they were having a nice time playing. The only thing I can think is that it is like an animalistic expression of love. Like how cats and dogs bite when they are playing