Keeping it secret?

[Hokulele]

I know I know I know... I shouldn't feel this way, but...

We have family coming in to town to stay with us for a while. DD1 is 3.5 years old. She nurses maybe once a day and openly asks for it often. The family arriving will NOT approve of her nursing - when she turned two they started making remarks. I'm just tired of explaining and fending off all the comments and I really don't want DD1 to pick up on all the negativity about it.

I just cherish our nursing relationship so much, and I know from experience that whatever these people say will really make me upset and now DD1 is old enough to understand their comments too.

Has anyone successfully kept nursing an older child a secret from in-house guests? Any tips on how to keep DD1 from mentioning it in front of the visitors? Am I crazy?

[MamaGena]

You aren't crazy...
(that I know of )

I nurse my 2.5 year old and have to deal with very similar attitudes.

We basically avoid nursing in front of them, but that's much harder when they're at your place.
I hope it's a short stay and you're able to relax soon.

[sapphire_chan]

I say relax, live your life, and have info on hotels ready if your guests decide to be about it.

But if you really do want to hide it, start by being relaxed so you don't make your dd need to nurse more when she picks up on your tension, then maybe see if you can get her to call it "cuddles" or something ("mommy, I'm sad, need cuddles") and start carrying her to her room or your room every time you nurse.

Hmm, makes confronting the relatives seem easier, doesn't it?

[churndash]

My former inlaws did not like my extending nursing either but I just flat out told them - this is my child and my house and you don't get to make the rules!

I would not do anything differently. They are the ones who are wrong. You and your daughter shouldn't have to change your perfectly acceptable behavior (in your own home!!) because other people have a problem with it.
And if you try to keep it secret, your daughter might think it is something to be ashamed of.

I know it's exhausting having to put up with mean, uninformed comments. Would it be possible to say to them upfront:

"DD is nursing. I know you don't approve of that, but this is really not a situation that requires your approval. I want our visit to go smoothly, so I would appreciate it if you would not make disparaging remarks about this while you are in my home. Complain about me all you want when you leave!"

[ElliesMomma]

i haven't had this exact situation but i can imagine what this would be like. you can tell when your daughter wants to nurse, before she articulates a word, right? she gives you some clues? pick up on those before she utters a word. tell her in advance that when so and so are here, we are going to nurse in this certain room (wherever you can be private). if she doesn't ask why, don't explain, if she does ask, just tell her, because certain people think nursing should be a private thing, there's nothing wrong with nursing, but certain people think we shouldn't talk about it or do it in front of them, so we won't ok? but we can still nurse whenever you want to.

i can't guarantee this will work. my daughter is almost three. i think it would work with her, but i obviously have no clue with yours. a few people in my life know that we still nurse. with most people the subject never comes up, they assume like everyone else you weaned long ago. if the subject does come up i won't lie about it, but i'm pretty good so far at avoiding scenes.

i too would not want my daughter's attitude about nursing sullied by some ignorant person's personal pet peeves. so i avoid rather than confront. this is just my personality. the way i am.

anyways, that's how i would handle it.

[DQMama]

We were in the same situation at Christmas, but we were visiting them. During the day my daughter was so distracted by all the people around that she never thought to ask to nurse. At night, I took her into the bedroom before she got overly tired and started asking. It went very smoothly and we were able to keep it a secret (my husband's wishes--it's his family--whatever, right? )

[AbbieB]

My IL's are really freaked out by the idea of my BABY nursing so I know they would fall over in a faint if they knew DD was "still" nursing at 5.5. In fact when MIL visited our house when DD was 1.5 she was completely shocked when DD asked to nurse. She had no clue that this was normal.

My parents are starting to make comments about her nursing now too. They think it's just "time" to say no to her. Whatever.

DD does not ask during the day to nurse very much anymore, but when we are visiting for an extended time I simply remind her that Nanny is uncomfortable seeing her nurse, can we wait until we are alone to nurse? She is OK with this. At times she has needed to nurse and we did. I can deal with my family's reaction with a, "Nursing with DD does not involve you. It's not up for discussion." type response to criticism (not that I have needed to do this often.)

[Zadee]

"My husband and I are making the decisions on how to raise our child."

They continue...

"Thank you for sharing your feelings. However, this is not up for discussion and I would appreciate it if you did not raise the subject any more."