Can we make a GD "Cheat Sheet" together?

[labdogs42]

I'd like to make myself a cheat sheet to post somewhere handy to remind myself of things I need to do to maintain my GD philosophy with my child. I need to go through some of my books and look for the phrases I have highlighted and make a master list! As I was thinking about that, I thought maybe we could all work on a lost together. If we get a nice list going, I'd be glad to type it up and send it out to everyone or post it online for everyone to download and print! Here are a few ideas off the top of my head:

Redirect -- tell kids what they CAN do instead of what they CAN'T do

Acknowledge feelings

Take a deep breath

You are responsible TO your kids, not FOR them (from Scream-Free Parenting)

[tropicaldutchtulip]

My big one is not going into their "red zone" but staying my "green zone"!

[sapphire_chan]

Drat, wish I could remember the HALT acronym it's the things you check for if someone's grumpy, Hungry Asomthing Lsomething Tired

[angelandmisha]

SapphireChan, I think it's Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Didn't they use this in that strange not for kids movie, "Get Smoochy"? I remember something like that...

Sorry for the digression.

[AutumnAir]

- How would you want someone else to treat your DC in this situation?
Not terribly catchy, but it works for me when I'm at the end of my rope. Instead of being frazzled mom I think - 'Okay, if she was in daycare and doing this, how would I want the person I would pay to look after her to handle this?'

- Give the feeling a name (This is one of the few techniques from 'How to Talk...' that I can put into action yet with my DD as she's preverbal)

[Limabean1975]

"He's only 3." / "He's just a child." --more of a mantra than a technique, but it helps me (sometimes!).

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by angelandmisha

SapphireChan, I think it's Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

Could be.

Mom used "halt" to have us stop doing stuff to also remind herself of the stuff to check for when we were grumpy.

Now I'm thinking maybe her version had T=thirsty.

ETA: Okay you go it. And I'm combining two things.

[NorthernPixie]

Good idea for the list. And a nice reminder for those of us (me) trying to figure out what GD is and isn't, and how to explain to DH and others around me why/how I intuitively approach things, but have trouble articulating. Thank you.

[Dabble]

Good idea. I'd like to have something posted on my refrigerator. Too bad I don't have anything to contribute. :

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Drat, wish I could remember the HALT acronym it's the things you check for if someone's grumpy, Hungry Asomthing Lsomething Tired

Yes, it's Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I'm pretty sure it originated as a recovery slogan, that recovering addicts are supposed to avoid these states lest they fall to temptation again.

And the movie PP was referring to was "Death to Smoochy" in case anyone was wondering.

[chipper26]

Originally Posted by Chimpmandee

Good idea. I'd like to have something posted on my refrigerator. Too bad I don't have anything to contribute. :



Yes, it's Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I'm pretty sure it originated as a recovery slogan, that recovering addicts are supposed to avoid these states lest they fall to temptation again.

And the movie PP was referring to was "Death to Smoochy" in case anyone was wondering.

It's too bad "bored' doesn't fit into that acronym. I can see that as a problem, too.

[sunnymw]

Ooh, I started a thread just like this a few weeks ago... with some AWESOME suggestions! Let me see if I can find it..

[sunnymw]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...022&highlight=

[*LoveBugMama*]

*Remember, this is the child you love.

*Say YES, whenever possible.

*Let the child help make things right.

*Connection before correction.

*Compromise.

*Ignore the things that are less important.

*Choose which hill you wanna die on.

*Admit your mistakes.

*Breathe.



The single most important phrase for me is this:

*Every child acts as good as he is capable of, in any given moment.*

[labdogs42]

Oooh, those are good ones! Thanks, LoveBugMama!

[LoveOhm]

In one MDC mamas siggy there is a link to Positive Discipline Tools ---- it is a cheat sheet I have up in my house..... anyone know which mama? I did not save the link.

[Aliyahsmommy]

Here are the ones I found when searching the site:

• Use positive reinforcement.
• Create a positive environment.
• Say yes as much as possible.
• Save no for the important things.
• Use natural consequences.
• Use logical consequences.
• Use restitution.
• Leave it up to your child.
• Compromise.
• State your expectations, and get out of the way.
• Give specific instructions.
• Give a reason.
• Offer help.
• Give a choice.
• Redirect your child.
• Remove your child.
• Make positive statements.
• Give in occasionally.

[jennyfah]

Aliyahsmommy, I have almost the same list on my fridge, but mine is a bit longer! I think I found it on mothering.com somewhere:

Alternatives to Punishment
Use positive reinforcement.
Creative a positive environment.
Say yes as much as possible.
Save no for the important things.
Use natural consequences.
Use logical consequences.
Use restitution.
Leave it up to your child.
Compromise.
State your expectations, and get out of the way.
Give specific instructions.
Give a reason.
Offer help.
Give a choice.
Redirect your child.
Remove your child.
Make positive statements.
Give in occasionally.
Give your child time to agree.
Simply insist.
Make rules.
Ignore some behavior.
Avoid nagging and threats.
Distract your child.
Use humor.
Make it a game.
Be willing to admit your mistakes.
Stop and think before you act.
Don't make a big fuss over little things.
Stick to routines.
Don't hurry your children too much.
Get to the root of the problem.
Correct one behavior at a time.
Give yourselves time.
Use the golden rule.
Model appropriate behavior.
Think of your child as an equal.
Always keep your love for your child in mind.

[Sasharna]

Would someone with a copy of Unconditional Parenting be able to quote the part where Kohn lists a few things to keep in mind when interacting with children? I don't remember how he titled the list, but hopefully someone knows what I'm talking about. My own copy of the book hasn't arrived yet and the library wanted theirs back.

[mamarootoo]

Originally Posted by *LoveBugMama*

*Choose which hill you wanna die on.

this is what DH and i say to one another when we think the other is heading towards a power struggle... "is this the hill?" is something we're both comfortable saying in front of DD, and it usually lightens the mood considerably.

there are things that i would die for in regards to DD. getting her to wear matching socks, say "please" and "thank you," and take a bath are not among them!

the only thing i wanted to add is to look to the future. "this is an attribute i want my adult daughter to have" is helpful to me when i'm getting frustrated over her insisting on being independent or stubbornly defending her position. hehee