I feel so terrible

[bubbamummy]

I have a very...ummm...spirited one year old. He is into everything and laughs at me when I say 'no' he tips the dog water out while looking at me and laughing, pulls my flowes apart etc etc...I KNOW this is probably very typical 'one year old behaviour' but....I have resorted to smacking his little hand (occasionally) I feel sick to my stomach as I write this as this is NOT the type of mummy I want to be I hear myself yelling 'no' all of the time..and he is ONLY one this is the way I was parented (it was a very loving home-but very strict!) and while it didnt 'damage me' it is NOT how I want to raise my son. I have just ordered a book from the list in the sticky in this forum..


Please tell me there is hope I feel horrible

[megviolet]

babyproof!

First, we all have bad mommy moments. It is really hard, in the heat of the moment, to not resort to being the way our parents were to us.

i won't go into why you shouldn't smack his hand- you know all that

The thing is, he isn't doing anything wrong by getting into stuff that you don't want him to get into. He NEEDS to explore, he is doing exactly what he should do. He wants to see your reaction so he can learn about emotions, cause and effect... etc.

If you don't want him to get into something then it is your job to remove it and provide somethign else for him to use to 'honour the impulse'. For example, the dogs water can live on the counter for most of the day and once in awhile your DS can have his own differnt container of water on a towel on the floor (or outside) to play in.

Know what i mean?

[bubbamummy]

Originally Posted by megviolet

First, we all have bad mommy moments. It is really hard, in the heat of the moment, to not resort to being the way our parents were to us.

i won't go into why you shouldn't smack his hand- you know all that

The thing is, he isn't doing anything wrong by getting into stuff that you don't want him to get into. He NEEDS to explore, he is doing exactly what he should do. He wants to see your reaction so he can learn about emotions, cause and effect... etc.

If you don't want him to get into something then it is your job to remove it and provide somethign else for him to use to 'honour the impulse'. For example, the dogs water can live on the counter for most of the day and once in awhile your DS can have his own differnt container of water on a towel on the floor (or outside) to play in.

Know what i mean?

I have tried to babyproof. I guess I need to do more I just feel bad for the amount of times Im yelling 'NO SAM NO NO NO' aaaaah... he's even started saying 'nonono' I feel hideous! From tomorrow I am going to be a different mummy!!

Dont get me wrong, usually we have a fun and loving relationship, we play outside and take naps together etc etc but I just dont like the way im headed!

I feel like waking him up and apologizing

[Super Glue Mommy]

you should apologize when you hit. we all have bad mommy moments. my 10 month old loves the cat water dish so we have to keep cat stuff in part of the house that is gated off. and provide other outlets for water play. my best advice for not hitting is to resort to not hitting. don't allow your self to do it, and if you do, apologize.

[fiddlefern]

I remember the rage I sometimes felt with my first kiddo, over his "willfull" repetition of annoying behaviors like spilling the cat's water, throwing food, well, really throwing anything and everything. Now, with my second, I can clearly see that developmentally, one-year-olds (and two year olds!) throw things and spill things. They just do. Over and over and over and over. And they need to, it's part of what they're learning. Just think of all the wonderful brain development happening. It takes all of the toddler years for them to even develope the impulse control to sometimes listen to you, and even longer to develope the rational thinking and the empathy to understand why it makes you frustrated.

The laughing is because LOOK! I predicted mommy would make that angry face, and she DID! How exciting! I'm starting to understand my world!

We live in a small apartment, and the cat has a kidney issue and needs constant access to her water, so I have learned to live with the constant spilling in that corner. We always have ds2 clean it up with a towell, which is not really a "punishment," just an interesting and fun consequence of spilling. He now will spill, tell me, go get the towell, clean up, and throw the towell in the wipe bucket. Cute and annoying at the same time. We have a lot of towells in the laundry at our house.

[angelandmisha]

Instead of saying no, we have tried to always tell DS what TO do. If you don't want him tipping over the water then maybe say, "just look at the water" or "leave the bowl on the floor, please." This has worked amazingly well for us- ds was interested in our plasma tv which is just at his level and he used to try to touch it- I would gently remove his hand and say, "just look, please" and he rarely touched the tv after just a short time of doing that.

So try to think what you want him to do- it's hard in the moment to not reflexively say no, but it does get easier. You know- touch that gently please, leave that on the table, keep the door closed, look with your eyes, stay on the sidewalk, keep your food on your plate, put that down gently, etc- you get the idea.

Hope that helps!

[bubbamummy]

What a great day Dh has had no hand slaps (its not like they were a daily event anyway....but still) and Ive only said 'no' once and that was at 6am when he just woke me up and was grabbing the router box for the internet (I was SLEEPY ) I showed him how to 'pet the plants' and he loved it. He only pulled up one sunflower seedling but thats Ok...I have lots

[labdogs42]

I moved my dogs' water outside for three years because DS couldn't stay out of it. They would just go to the door when they wanted to go out and get a drink (we have a fenced back yard). I even bought a heated water bowl for them for the winter so we could keep the water outside! DS turned 4 in February and we finally brought the dogs' water back in the house. Anything you can do to reduce the things your child isn't allowed access to will make your life better.

[oceanbaby]

At this age, it's all about babyproofing. The bowl of water is just too tempting. If it needs to be on the floor for the dog, put just a little in and put it on a towel.

And in those quick moments, instead of saying "No!" I tried to say something like "Careful!" or "Watch out!" or something along those lines. Dh and I had a mantra during those years which was "Tell them what they CAN do, not what they can't do." As in, "Oops, we don't want to spill the dog's water bowl, but here, you can sit in the bathtub/on the deck/whatever and dump this water bowl all you want."

And yes, apologize when it happens. We all lose it one way or another, and this will not change. I have always apologized to my kids, and told them how I wish I had acted instead.

[swd12422]

My DS is 15 months, and I could've written the OP...

I was SO frustrated, and felt like I was yelling all the time, and was miserable b/c I didn't WANT to yell all the time. DS's first word was "doggie" b/c I yelled at least 100 times a day "NO DOGGIE" "LEAVE THE DOG ALONE!!!!" (Our dog is not too friendly to little ones jumping on him while he's trying to sleep, and also too lazy to move away, so he gets a little snarky.)

All I can tell you is, heed all the advice you've received here so far, and know that the end is near. He'll just "get it" one day and walk right by the bowl w/o touching it. We're there now.... In the interim, I just kept an eye on him, and when he even looked at or got near the bowl, it went up on the counter, out of his reach. I think that got the message through to him more than my reacting verbally, b/c I could just matter-of-factly walk over, pick up the bowl, and go about my business w/o interacting with him, whereas if I said, "No, leave it alone" or worse, yelled at him, he was getting to interact with me as a reward. Geez, I wish I'd realized this sooner!

Hang in there. Like everything else, it'll pass!

[jennchsm]

My son is 12 months adjusted age, and baby-proofing has really made a big difference for us! We gated off our main living area and everything inside it is fair game for DS. As he develops new skills and gets into new things, we babyproof more. It's a process, not a one-time event...

But as others are saying above, he really needs an environment in which he can freely explore and not be constantly chastised for doing so. Both of you will will happier!