5.5 going on 15

[transformed]

How do you deal with a 5.5 (almost 6 yr old) who thinks they are a teenager and can just do whatever they want?

My child runs out in a busy road because I tell him that he cannot go to his friends house (across the street) and he wont take no for an answer)

When I told him he couldnt spend the night at a friends house he kicked and punched me for the rest of the day.

When its time to be all done with an activity like the park (which I TRY not to cut him short we are often there for 3-4 hours) he throws bigger fits than my 3 yr old.

I feel like he is a toddler again and I am really struggling with him because I have been trying to move to a more consensual lifestyle but its SO HARD with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old.

Is this a case for re-reading "spirited child?" LOL. I have had it since he was a baby and read it when he was 2 but it didnt much apply then.

I need some help.

[ann_of_loxley]

Have you tried talking to him about how he feels?
Like for example - I assume you are not telling him he can't go to a friends house because you just fancy being mean to him, that there is a logical reason behind that (such as friend not being there, etc). That must be pretty upsetting for him if he had his hopes up of going, etc. Could you talk with him about it and try and find a solution - like maybe doing some other fun activity in the mean time, etc. It wont make the problem go away, but it can certainly help him with whatever is going on inside. I also feel a child is never too old for some special one on one time with mummy which is maybe what he is asking for through his behaviour? You might seem pretty busy to him with a 3 year old and 1 year old to look after as well! Maybe its as simple as him just asking for attention but not know how to do so more appropriately. Someone on here, I think!, once suggested that what they did with their child was to give them some special stones and when they felt they needed some extra special mummy attention, they could slip that stone in their mummys hand so she can know (which stopped the acting out for attention). It sounds like such a sweet idea a 5.5 year old could grasp!
Also - have you read 'Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves' by Naomi Aldort? It is full of ideas! - And join the Consensual Living yhoo group - they really help!

(oh - and from what I have read, boys between the ages of 5-6 go through a testosterone surge that 16 year olds go through hehe...which could be an explanation enough, but still worth doing more talking about and connecting! )

[churndash]

Kicking and punching you is not acceptable under any circumstances. At the very least, you might want to give him alternate ways to express his anger and frustration (punching a pillow, pounding play doh) and tell him "You are not allowed to hurt mommy because you are angry. We do not hurt other people."

This is not behavior that you want your younger children to observe and think that's what you do when you get mad - beat up mommy.