So sad here....

[Justice2]

Well, it's official. My son has weaned himself. He will not latch on and even in his sleep, he turns away from the breast, even with a shield. I am just so depressed. I am still giving him the little bit of breastmilk I make in with his formula. I express it directly into the bottle. I am just so sad. I never thought it would be this hard. It really hurts that I didn't make it to a year. I try and try, everyday, several times a day to get him to nurse and he just won't and then I end up crying. I know that he was never exclusivly breastfed. We worked so hard together to get him to nurse the amount that he did nurse. It was the most incredible thing I have ever done (with the exception of birth, that is!). What do I do now? Am I going to loose the bond that we have created by nursing? How do I come to terms with this (for lack of a better word) loss????

[Quirky]

I am so sorry he has self-weaned. I can understand how that would break your heart. I think you have to come to terms with this loss and give yourself space to grieve it in whatever ways make sense for you - journalling, meditation, having a ceremony, writing poetry, whatever helps you both grieve and celebrate this difficult and wonderful time you had nursing your son.

You have worked so hard, and done such an AWESOME job and you should be 110% proud of yourself for all you have done for your son! I am positive you will have an amazingly close bond with him. Just keep loving him every day!

I have been so in awe of your strength and your courage to relactate and stick with it for so long. You are a strong, loving, wonderful mama!

[kama'aina mama]

I am so sorry. I know I will be very sad when mine weans and I haven't had to work as hard at making it happen. Are you really certain it isn't just a strike?

Again, no advice, but I am sorry.

[Justice2]

Originally posted by kama'aina mama
Are you really certain it isn't just a strike?

I am pretty sure. It's been about three weeks and at first he would lick the milk off my nipple (which dh thought was incredibly funny) and then he would nurse with the shield, but now, nothing. I am going to keep trying, in hopes that he will realize, but I am scared that our nursing relationship is over....

[Laurel]

Re: So sad here....

Originally posted by Justice2
Am I going to loose the bond that we have created by nursing? How do I come to terms with this (for lack of a better word) loss???? [/B]

Loss is the best word to describe it.

I can relate a lot to your situation. I induced lactation (well attempted to, anyway) to nurse my little boy who is adopted. We had many problems between the two of us, and my body simply didn't make milk, so when he was 4 months I had to start combining the bottle and breast in order for him to get any nourishment. Of course, after that point, he grew to prefer the bottle and by 6 months he wouldn't even comfort nurse, so we were done. I had been planning on nursing a toddler, and we barely made it through half a year.

Allow yourself to grieve it. I found it very difficult to get other people to acknowledge this as a loss (except here at MDC). I can't believe how many people tried to make me feel better by telling me that nursing didn't really matter and bottlefeeding was just as good. Argh! That didn't helpe at all! I wrote down our entire nursing story from beginning to end, just like I would have written a birth story. It is quite long, but I love to go back and read it sometimes, especially when I start to second-guess myself.

You will not lose the bond with your baby, but you do have to be creative and work hard to maintain as much of a nursing-type relationship as possible. If your baby is going to be using a bottle, insist that feeding be done in your arms. Make sure that you continue co-sleeping (if you do), wear him as much as possible in a sling, or just hold him as much as he will let you. I know this is more of a challenge as your child approaches toddlerhood--I have to constantly keep reminding myself to make time for cuddling with ds, as he is all over the place and so busy now. Focus as much as you can on the AP tools that you have at your disposal.

From my little boy's point of view, life is just great. He is VERY attached to his mama. I do believe he would still be nursing if things had been different, but I don't think he "misses" it--I think he is getting the need for closeness met in other ways. He is happy, well-adjusted, and very loving/cuddly.

I am the one who feels the sense of loss. It has gotten better over time, and I never felt guilt because I know I couldn't have done anything more. But I do feel sadness. You do get to a point where you have to move on some--I have found that I had to focus on the wonderful things about our relationship and couldn't sit around all day pining over something that was gone. But I do let myself indulge in moments of sadness and nostalgia for what was. There are times when I still wish I could nurse him, but I just try to hold him a little bit tighter.

In general I am happy for the time we had, and I am pretty proud of myself for accomplishing what I did under the circumstances that were there. I think you have to redefine what success means in this kind of situation. I cannot compare myself to a mom who's been pg and nursed from birth onward. I don't know all the particulars of your situation, but I would imagine that you have been successful, even if it didn't turn out like you hoped.

This is all I can think of right now...if I think of more later I'll try to write it down.

[TiredX2]

I don't want to be unsupportive here, so if you are uninterested in this "advice" please ignore it. It sounds like you are a great mom and have really gone above and beyond.

Have you considered cutting out bottles? That is generally one of the first steps in a nursing strike. You can still feed DS formula/bmilk in a cup, but no pacis/bottles means all sucking needs will *need* to be met with you. Just an idea!