Anger - once again, me too! A friend of mine who is a veteran from Iraq says that he sometimes feels the urge to take a rifle and just sit on his balcony with it, emptying the ammo. I don't do weapons
but recognize that feeling all too well. I can cope. When I feel it is about to get out of hand, I take myself to a special place in the house, until the feeling is gone. My children have done so much to help me control anger, yet, I don't always succeed. I feel PTSD is something I am pretty much on my own with. I have at times wondered whether - like you mention - I am now struggling with depression. I do have feelings of depression, but they come and go and I don't feel that that is the problem. I try and fill me time up constantly. Right now, I am not working (I got laid off two months back) and that is not doing me any god at all. When I have done everything I can think of to do around the house, etc, etc, I am just left with myself, my anger, fears and feelings of utter helplessness. I know it isn't healthy, and I need to regain control over my life and my destiny. I don't want my children to suffer any bad effects from my traumas. Hands on therapies that take you back there frighten me though - at least now, I can block those events out most of the time. Which yeah, I realize is actually the very problem because they come with me wherever I go.
I am glad that St John's wort is doing something to help you. I don't know whether I should go there, since I am a nursing mom, and you say that it is not taking away the issues I struggle most with. I will do more research about this on the web though. Thank you so much for sharing - your comments are a wave of recognition to me.