It's not about getting into "things she's not allowed". It's about getting into the spices. She does put spices into cooking (when she wants to, which she often doesn't). She doesn't like pretending with fake spices, because she eats the spices. She explores all kinds of other things. She wants to eat the spices. She's not allowed to do so, without getting permission, and getting my help in getting them out. She doesn't see that as reasonable (being not-quite-6, she doesn't grasp the importance of not spilling $5.00 worth of spices into my coffee press, because she wants to eat $0.10 worth of fennel seed, yk?).
So...she thinks she should be allowed to climb the counter and eat the spices. I don't. There's no consensus to be had, and it's simply not possible to always honour the need for independence in a child this young (I know, as I was the one who used to wander out of the yard every time mom and dad lost sight of me for 3 seconds).
specific : wanting to color on the walls
need: need an exiting artistic outlet
specific: wanting to eat spices
need: wanting to explore flavor, perhaps culinary skills, perhaps something as simple as cause and effect (she knows going after the spices gets a certain reaction from you) It could be a number of things of course, your child know, and you could figure it out. PS - its 110% okay if you don't want to though! You are doing what works for your family. I am just explaining that no, CL does not mean children rule the roost, or that everyone gets what they want - but everyone will get what they need and all their feelings and desires will be considered valid even if they can't be granted. This is in no way putting down your parenting, I am just defending CL because it seems that everyone wants to base CL on the way some people practice it without realizing that their family consensus is different from the next families consensus. IT doesnt make one person "more CL" then another family just because they are more child-led then another family.
I am willing to explain anything to you that you are confused about, but it's very hard to debate something I understand and practice with someone who not only does not understand or practice it, but is seemingly unwilling to understand it. It's like saying "I know what italy looks like even though I've never been there, and am unwilling to look at pictures, but I know other people who have been there and I'm basing my opinion on what they said about it, and so what you say you have seen doesn't sound like italy to me... maybe you went to spain? that sounds like what people I know say spain looks like. and no I don't want to see the pictures you took while you were there because that will not help me see what it looks like"