I don't have much time, so forgive that this is rushed.
|I don't like when guilt is used as a form of manipulation
Guilt is an emotion, like anger or jealousy. We can only give information to another and how they react is their choice, based on their own set of baggage. If information tends to elicit guilt for the majority, then we should look at that information... why can it trigger guilt?
|Perhaps that's where I'm fortunate. My parents were never into teaching us to ignore our instincts - not even a little bit
If you were raised in a western culture, then I'm afraid to say that you were taught by that culture. Our parents do their best but they aren't the only influence on us. Here's evidence you have been “taught” to ignore your instincts – and before people start checking in to list all the instincts they have intact, note that we all lose different instincts, although largely we lose the following ones (and countless others). If you feel especially special, that's ok and not all that uncommon, but the point I'm making is that we do
lose instincts due to culture:
you do not have sex where ever and when ever the feeling strikes you (esp if you are in public)
you do not masturbate whenever you feel like it
you do not defecate in the squat position
you sit in a chair, not in the squat position
you wear shoes, causing the loss of a percentage of your environmental sensitivity
you have “tuned out” a large percentage of your environmental noises and can no longer distinguish between the rustle of a leaf from wind, or the rustle of a leaf from approaching danger
you've chosen mates based on factors other
than smell, taste, attractiveness to you (regardless of attractiveness in general)
Watch a baby/toddler, or a monkey, or even a dog (much further removed species wise, but still have links). Watch the monkey or dog eat a particular weed, or lay facing a particular direction (often north). Watch them engage in relationships, family and sex. Just their everday life, how much it is goverened by instinct compared to most of us. If you think we were biologically imprinted to be any different, you haven't ever seen people who have lived untouched by our morals - they don't give a rat's pajamas who sees them have sex, for example, and hence, cosleeping is no issue for them becasue they don't have the stress of "what if the baby sees, they'll be damaged for life?" And hey, guess what, they aren't
damaged for life. Odd, no? Yet our culture is rife with sexually damaged people.
Some of those on that list above were
helped along by our parents, who although they meant well and were preparing us for our society, were not armed with the longer term ramifications. We are now passing these things on to our children, unexamined. We just do it, we don't ask why or if we do, we aren't convinced the instinct is really required. And who knows if it is? Science keeps discovering that we've done nothing but mess up royally when we started interfering in nature, so what makes this any different just cos we are a “higher mammal”, whatever that means (you'd think a “higher” anything would protect their own planet, for starters, and we can't even get that right. Higher my arse.)
This is an interesting place with tests on your instincts, such as feeling recognition when looking at a face. http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbo...humaninstinct/
We don't actually “lose” our instincts, some die shortly after birth and some die naturally after that but most remain intact, buried beneath our preconceived notions and cultural morals.
|Are you referring to the Continuum Concept? I did read that one a few years ago, and to the extent that it moved me at all, it mostly just annoyed me.
That's ok. Can't please all the people all the time. I'm again talking about an overall effect, which naturally differs individually.
The reason that book impacts most
readers is because of that agonising trip down a western baby's life. It only lasts about 20 pages, but WHOA, what a helluva 20 pages it is. Who can read that and not clutch at their own gut and be wrenched with a kind of torturous regret and anguish? (again, I'm sure some of you weren't moved in such a way, just the majority
affect) And she could not have written it any other way. That book needed
that emotion, to call to arms, to move people to act
- get your babies OUT of the isolating crap and INTO your arms!
Some of us went through a type of healing as we saw ourselves in that helpless, tortured baby as we know we were put into nurseries and cribs. Some of us lamented with guilt and sorrow what we put our own babies through. Yes, it is a tough read. No doubt. I found The Vital Touch to do the same, only more convincingly, I recommend it as the author does not stop with only one community, she looks at the world as a whole.
|The AP world is also full of rules and checklists that have nothing to do with actual attachment,
I'm not sure what this means but perhaps the rules and checklists you have found are because some people like them? Some people need them when engaging in behaviours that are not only new to them, but against strong advice to the contrary from their family and peers at large. I'm not sure about “rules”, but I get what you're saying and I'm not going to nit pick cos it drives me to distraction when it happens to my posts and usually only shows the person is not really “listening” and is more intent on finding a counter argument in what I've written.
|The best parents I've ever met have all been operating from instincts
Of course they are, I think you may have missed my point. An amazonian community is rife with instinct as they have not had them stripped down, they need
them to survive. We have constructed a reality that no longer relies largely on our biological makeup to survive. We don't need to keep the baby strapped to us or rush to a screaming baby as they might attract a lion, for instance. We no longer listen to the signals that say “eat something yellow and then eat something bitter...” and we often don't even listen to our sensations of fullness. Basic physiology is completely ignored in us. So of course the most well functioning families are going to be the most in touch with their basic instincts, not vice versa, as some modernists insist. (progress progress rah rah rah, I'm no savage nah nah nah!)
My point is that if one is going to say “trust your instincts” then give more
than that to a mama. I have known way too many frustrated mothers who I end up dealing with in private because they don't know how to find
their instinct, how to identify
it. It's great for us who can, but it's almost smug to keep rubbing a mama's nose in it when she doesn't even know what you're talking about when you say “instinct”.
People confuse instinct with intuition. Instinct is a biological imprint that is not genetic or subject to learned behaviour. Instinct, by its very nature, is an inherent species survival mechanism.
|The babies never cry? Okay, I just plain don't believe that.
Many don't. Here's the beginnings of a page on my website where I mention this very phrase you chose. It's a common reaction. Sagacious Mama
It is far from finished, as are most of my pages, but for the point I'm making, it kinda works.
Gotta run for now, I know I have left things out but I'll come back later. Some great comments towards the end of the page here I want to mention. Interesting discussion, I am learning which is my absolute favourite thing! Thank you.