|I find this with my dc, too...when I use a must, or a "that's just how it is", they can often adjust quickly and find the win-win in what they initially thought was a lose-lose.|
XP is different. He will basically keep on trying to comfort (which i think is great) or appease (which i really don't like) her for as long as she is upset and i have SEEN that something she'd have gotten over in 2 minutes with me (like the apple) can go on for close to an hour with him. I have seen her upset for so long she has forgotten why she is upset.
Now i'm not made of stone, i do try to temper the response to her emotions to the situation itself - we are still having daily debriefs about Saturday when she learned the terrible lesson that sometimes you drop your ice-cream. She had waied several days to be bought the ice cream and was really enjoying it when she dropped it, and i understand that she was really upset. But i know that something like the apple incident, which happens almost every day and is no big deal (she is alowed to have an apple whenever there are any and she wants one) her upset is definitely a knee-jerk and short-lived. But XP's over-validation seems to make her ham it up for a long time. She is greedy, demanding, cheeky and contrary with him, which she rarely is with me (a few moments in a day, rather than a few days in a week or every day as it can be for him).
From when she wasa tiny baby i have known she reflects my own emotions back at me and i suppose i feel that from her point of view whether or not she gets the apple is less important than whether my vibe tells her everything is ok with the world or not. She always cries more about injuries i'm worried about and yet is covered in grazes, bruises and marks which i didn't see her get and which i can see must have hurt but because i wasn't there to see them and sympathise she never even cried (i'm with her 24/6).
I really wonder if she doesn't mind sharing the apple because she senses from me that i find that to be the best outcome all around?