care for intact penis

[bluebabe30]

Hey, I have been reading some of the posts, and if I am reading this right- you do not have to pull the foreskin back to clean the inside of the wiener? My 3 year old's penis retracts partially, and I followed my pediatrician's direction and have been pulling back the foreskin after baths to clean it. I just use a warm washcloth with water. But, my son gives me the worst time about it, he acts like I am torchering him. I literally have to hold him down while he screams. I can't do a very thorough job, because he wiggles and squirms too much. I tried to just ask him to do it himself in the bathtub, but he refuses to do it. If I try to pull it back for him IN the tub, it becomes a slippery mess and he has even wound up hitting his head and slipping and falling. I first started doing this after we were potty training and I was letting him run around the house naked. I saw him pulling it back himself, and that's when I knew it was retracting at least some. He may be just giving me a toddler temper tamptrum, but I'm not sure. He says it hurts. I don't think I force it back when I clean it, I just push it back as far as it will let me go without resistance. Do you think I can just clean it on the outside and not pull it back any more? Another thing that bothers me is he is always grabbing himself, even when he doesn't have to go pee. Also, when I ask him if he has to go pee, the answer is always "No", even if he really has to go. He always waits 'til it's an emergency before he goes to the bathroom. I wonder if it hurts down there and he won't tell me because he's scared I'll pull it back to check it out and that will hurt even more. My pediatrician says to just keep doing what I'm doing, and he said that's why he just reccommends to circumcise because it is so much easier. This is my oldest son, and I have 2 more younger sons that are uncircumcised, so if there is an easier way, I would like to know it. Can I get some advice? Thanks. Jamie.

[Friday13th]

Nobody but the owner of the penis should be retracting it and that goes doubly for your younger sons who are probably not retractable yet. The glans are VERY sensitive and being held down and scrubbed with a washcloth is probably horribly painful. I'd suggest, if you're concerned, to ask your son to retract it a bit himself in the tub and swish it in the water, that is the absolute most that is necessary.

The grabbing himself is totally normal, don't let the pediatrician convince you otherwise, and virtually all small children I know hate taking a break from what they're doing to go potty and will deny that they have to go until the last possible minute.

Pediatricians in this country know next to nothing about the intact penis and will go out of their way to see problems where none exist.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

: He is saying it hurts because it does hurt so in a sense you are torturing him. The glans of the intact penis is VERY sensitive. A comparison would be you pushing back your clitoral hood and rubbing there with a wash cloth : or washing the inside of your eyelid with it. Not something you want to do. Poor little guy Even grown retractable men do not use a wash cloth on there just rinse it off with water and sometimes soap depending how sensitive the man is to it. Soap can cause irritation so most dont use it.

Until puberty hits it dosnt need to be cleaned under. Before that you can ask him to do it but until he is ready to do it it needs to be left alone.

Make sure as well that the Dr. never messes with his foreskin during exams.

I recommend you educate this Dr. what he is teaching is wrong and actually causes the problems that being intact has been blamed on for many years. Improper care of the intact penis is a major problem still here in the USA since in medical school they are only taught how to cut it off.

I would actually recommend searching for a new ped. I couldnt stand one who is so obviously pro circ

I think it would be a good idea as well to tell your ds that you are sorry you where hurting him that you didnt understand you where hurting him and no one will ever hurt him that way again.

[bluebabe30]

re: care for intact penis

Thanks so much, I am so relieved I don't have to do that anymore. We were all hating bathtime. I know I was ignorant, but I thought I was doing the right thing. Another question, when I first saw the inner skin, I was shocked by the reddish color, but now I know that is how it is supposed to look because it is not faded and calloused from being exposed to air like a circ boy's would be. I put lotion on it- which I shouldn't have done. After the next bath, when I saw the white lotion still in there, I thought that couldn't be good that it was still white and creamy and not absorbed into the skin. I tried as best as I could to wash it off but as I said, he wiggles and squirms a lot. If there is any residual lotion left in there, or lint from the washcloth, could that cause problems for him?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It will come out over time. Isnt something you should worry about.

Yep it can be very shocking to see that bright red/purple color but that is how it is supposed to look.

It really sucks that the people, health care workers, that we need to know about the intact penis know nothing and end up causing harm instead of helping anything.

Look at it this way your younger 2 boys wont have to go through what your oldest has we learn as we go and usually the first born has the unfortunate experiances.

[Yulia_R]

Here is a good thread about intact care
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1062977

[MyBoysBlue]

It's important to remember that even though your oldest is retractable at the age of three the average age is 10 and can be as late as puberty. So don't be surprised if your other boys may not be retracting until later.

[latinalonestar]

OUCH! I'm so sorry you got some TERRIBLE advice. Doing what you were doing actually would introduce bacteria and lead to a possible infection or a flora imbalance causing yeast. There is no need to retract or wipe. Just swish in the water (no soap). His foreskin is developing and going through a natural process. Doing what you are doing would be like trying to pry a rose open to make it bloom. I can imagine it is very painful for him. In the future never apply any creams or soaps, this would be like squirting cream in your eye. Youchy! During puberty, after he is retractable, he can retract, rinse, and replace the foreskin over the glands. The glands of an intact boy is a moist membrane and is very dark red in color. This protects the sensitivity. The foreskin should always be replaced back over the glands if he retracts it to protect this environment. Here is some reading also be sure to check out that other thread that was posted:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...kinleaflet.pdf

http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...uncircson.html

http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet7.html

Btw, some minor discomfort or irritation is normal during the separation process throughout childhood. Here is a thread about normal separation:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=764732?

Btw, print some of these off for your pedi! Never let your pedi manipulate his foreskin. The only person to manipulate a foreskin is the owner himself.

[knucklehead]

I would highly recommend that you have a talk with your boy and explain to him that you were given very wrong information. Apologize to him so that he feels respected and vindicated. He needs to know that you won't allow this to happen to him anymore and that he has a say in what happens to his own body. I realize that you didn't know any better but he needs to know too so that he won't carry around a feeling of being violated.

Imagine a 3 year old girl who repeatedly had her labia or vagina spread and scrubbed with a washcloth even while protesting and crying that it hurt. I can only imagine the sense of violation she would feel.

Again, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm only thinking of your boy's emotional health in regards to his genitals.

[bluebabe30]

apology

Thanks, yes I have apologized to him and I think he understands that I was trying to help him and that no one should ever see or touch his weiner unless it is Mom or Dad or a teacher helping him use the potty, and no one should ever touch him in a way that makes him uncomfortable.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

bluebabe30 I realized I didnt : you to the forum

I am glad you found us and I hope you stick around. It really is the best place on the net to find out what you need to know.

[bluebabe30]

Thankyou, Thankyou!