DSD worrysome vent - Page 2

[Marsupialmom]

I think you and your dh needs theropy. This might be the trigger to get her help and to push things.

I would insist he goes. I would also not leave my bio-kids at the house with out me being their with her. I would let my dh understand why. You can't do much for her. He has to do it. You are going to protect the kids you can until he does his job. Leave with your kids as much as you can.

I think your dd should be ungrounded but very aware they are doing some fence building/painting. They took it down together they can put it up together. No fun day at dad's house.

I would also look into calling social services on bio-mom. Leave your house incidents out...the violent and sexual acts leave in she could say these things to any other child.

[Mama Dragon]

You aren't being attacked, but you have to do something. Either directly or cause her parents to do something. Any adult can be a positive influence in any child's life. If you can't speak to her directly to make the difference, force her father's hand. Leave. Call CPS.

A much better punishment for a 7 year old is chores, losing TV or other favorited games, repairing the damage, that kind of thing. Inactivity and keeping her closed off from the rest of the family as a punishment just breeds resentment and more "bad" behavior.

[EarthMommy80]

I apologize for becoming so defensive. I guess you are all right, and we could all use some therapy. More has been added to the situation, and without telling everything right now, I will say that CPS has been called on bio-mom, and they even spoke with my DP today. I'm not sure where it's going from here at this point... and really I am going to look for a support group to help me with this. You all made very valid points, and I will be taking so much of the advice and applying it. I'm sooooo stressed out, and pretty much just a mess at this point (and not about the fence lol).

[phrogger]

Originally Posted by EarthMommy80

I apologize for becoming so defensive. I guess you are all right, and we could all use some therapy. More has been added to the situation, and without telling everything right now, I will say that CPS has been called on bio-mom, and they even spoke with my DP today. I'm not sure where it's going from here at this point... and really I am going to look for a support group to help me with this. You all made very valid points, and I will be taking so much of the advice and applying it. I'm sooooo stressed out, and pretty much just a mess at this point (and not about the fence lol).

I can completely understand the frustration, and like I said, this is what I do, working with special needs and emotionally disturbed kids so if there is anything I can do to help, even if it is just to be an ear, I am here to listen. You have the strength to get through this and do what you have to do, we ALL do, sometimes we just need a little push in the right direction, even if it isn't always what we want to hear, sometimes we just HAVE to hear it.

And on the bright side, there is help out there. My SIL has done of lot of what you described and she is someone who at a young age scared even her Dr.'s, but with a lot of help and therapy and the right mix of medication, she is living a somewhat normal life, is self sufficent and not a danger to herself or others. It is a hard road, but you can make a difference in this childs life, but you and your other kids have to be protected too.

[confustication]

My daughter's dad was right up there with the scary-kid behavior you described (he tabbed someone when he was quite young, even) and was generally awful. My personal feelings asde (we are not together, he is not par of our daughter's life) he's a functional adul who provides for hmslf and hasn't gone to prison. Even kids in huge trouble when they are small can become decen and functional adults. Wth people who truly care for them, they can surpass our wildest hopes.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by EarthMommy80

So, maybe I'll take my kids and leave, and they can loose thier sister and dad over all this... sound liek a plan?!

honestly?

I would.

I couldn't imagine trying to raise my children in the midst of your partner and his ex's breakdown in parenting.

They seem to have made it clear that you aren't evolved in your DSDs parenting. Which is sad, it sounds like the NEED an adult in the mix.

[Smithie]

I am glad that CPS has been called. Now an adult who is NOT you and ultimately DOES have the ability to assert control over the situation will hopefully become involved.

If you are willing to give your dsd a home if they take her away from her mother, I think that's awesome - but it's ONLY going to work if your dh gives you a coparenting role and makes that clear to all concerned parties.

This is not the first time that I've heard of a dh who is a decent parent to the kids in his current family (which I assume he is, or you would not be with him), but just completely off-the-charts irresponsible when it comes to the child/ren he had with a former wife/girlfriend. I don't get it, but it's certainly not a rare scenario.