Talk to me about having your older teen and/or stepchild at your birth.

[CrunchySmurf]

My title pretty much says it all.

My 16 year old stepdaughter surprised the hell out of me at dinner the other night saying that she wanted to be present for our future home birth, and wanted to know if she could watch "everything." My wife quickly and enthusiastically said of course, we would love it!

So help me out here. I'd like to know what it was like for you to have your older teen and/or stepchildren present. Did you feel weird/uncomfortable? What things helped make is a positive and successful experience for everyone? What made it a less positive, awkward things for everyone? What was your kids thoughts afterwards?

Any input much appreciated!

[pjs]

No experience with an older teen at a birth, but I think it's great! It's wonderful that she'll be able to see how birth really is, versus what is portrayed in the media. She'll probably be a great help- making sure supplies are prepped, getting water, etc.

[CrunchySmurf]

Originally Posted by pjs

No experience with an older teen at a birth, but I think it's great! It's wonderful that she'll be able to see how birth really is, versus what is portrayed in the media. She'll probably be a great help- making sure supplies are prepped, getting water, etc.

Thanks for your input.

[ursusarctos]

I was present when my mom gave birth at home to my little brother when I was 12. It was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had. I think it is incredibly great and empowering for a young woman (or man for that matter, but especially women since they are the ones who will potentially give birth) to see a mature woman give birth on her own terms, at home. It's the perfect antidote (vaccine?) for all future Baby Story exposures
As the pp said, she will probably be helpful too. And will understand (unlike a young child) if her presence is disruptive and she needs to leave the room for a while.

[Bekka]

I was 21 and my younger sister was 17 when my mom had my baby brother and we wore down my mom to let us be there. Our other siblings weren't interested. Even though it was a (fairly interventive) hospital birth (pitocin aug etc.), it was amazing, and my sister and I both really benefitted from it. And my mom was amazing (I now realize) with no pain meds with pit aug, and being all connected, and etc. etc.

Totally framed my views of (natural) childbirth. OTOH, depending on who will be birthing, I was a (clueless) not-quite teenager and thought I was "right", that I should be able to be there, and now I'm all about respecting the MOM and who she wants there when she's birthing.

[joyfulgrrrl]

My then 11 year old was at my last birth, and he was amazing. He's 13 now, and hopes to be present for this birth as well (he's on a trip with his dad though and I'm 8 days overdue so we shall see). I think teenagers are great to have around at a birth - they are useful for running and getting stuff, and surprisingly unselfish. I also think it would be great bonding for stepmom/stepdaughter. And excellent birth control

[Burnindinner]

My 17 year old sister was at mine, and saw "everything". She was AWESOME! I have 3 sisters adn my mom was present too. My youngest sister was in charge of the still camera and did an excellent job. Then she put together an amazing scrapbook for me and announced she wants to have home births as well, whenever the time comes! :

[ursusarctos]

Originally Posted by joyfulgrrrl

And excellent birth control

Actually after watching the peaceful (not painless but peaceful), joyous homebirth of my baby brother I was left with no fear of having babies at all. I'd say it was pretty much the opposite of birth control Then again, I'm a baby person and always have been anyway, so that could just be me.

Originally Posted by Burnindinner

My 17 year old sister was at mine, and saw "everything". She was AWESOME! I have 3 sisters adn my mom was present too. My youngest sister was in charge of the still camera and did an excellent job. Then she put together an amazing scrapbook for me and announced she wants to have home births as well, whenever the time comes! :

Awesome! My sister and I also feel that homebirth is the way to go after witnessing our brother's birth and having birth be such a normal, everyday part of family home life.

[Comtessa]

My friend had a homebirth with her youngest (now 5) and her oldest (now 14) was there for his birth - it's so cool to talk to the teenager now about it, because she's all "birth is no big deal." Both she and her mom are excited that we're having a home birth, so we've talked a lot about it. It's particularly refreshing compared with all the other teens I know, who look at my round belly in trepidation and say, "aren't you afraid of the pain?!?!" I get so angry that young women are so misinformed about their bodies (in general) and birth (in particular).

[AVeryGoodYear]

I would have loved to witness a loved one giving birth as a teenager -- or at least I can say that now! If my sister (22) or stepsister (18) had asked to be present at my homebirth, I would not have hesitated a moment to welcome them to it with open arms. Not only are you sharing something intimate and empowering with them, but they would be so incredibly helpful. I had four women at my homebirth (MIL, 2 midwives & a student midwife), and even though I had never met two of them before, it was amazing to feel the absolute LOVE and SUPPORT coming from them.

Afterwards, the student midwife told me that, having seen my homebirth (and it was her first!), she definitely wanted to have one herself when her time came That was really special to me.

[momto4kids]

My sister was present at 2 of my 3 homebirths...she was 13 & 15 at the time my kids were born. She did a fantastic job ~ took pictures of the birth & helped get things ready.....she was in awe of her niece/nephew being born & has a much better view on childbirth then many of her friends do. FWIW, my younger brother (11 & 13 at the time) was also present for them.....the first baby he sat w/ my older kids on the stairway & the second birth he was awake for the labor, but slept through the actual birth (he had just gotten home from summer camp).

Both would have been present for this last baby as well....but the world had other ideas on who would witness my son being born

If she wants to be present I think it is a great idea...prepare her for what to expect & then encourage her to take an active part too. There are plenty of things she can do to be helpful during labor & the birth

Dana